What Age Do You Act?

You Are 31 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what’s to come… love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You’ve had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You’ve been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Creepy. One year off. I’m just not saying wether I’m older or younger than it.

The Home Fires Burn Brightly

Copyright 2005 Jeff Vickers

The forest began to glow a bright, straw orange. As the old LaPaglia house burned to the ground, the light from the pyre, along with the billows of smoke, erased the stars from the sky. Maria, standing quietly by a tree, takes a drag of her cigarette, while staring hypnotically into the blaze engulfing the home.

* * *

Inside an old Victorian home, Maria, standing over the body of Carmine, sneered in disgust, and spat on the man. Carmine did not stir. Nor did he stir after mild kicks to the sternum or abdomen, though he still breathed labouriously. Maria noticed the liquor cabinet, and took the bat she was brandishing, and smashed the lock.

Maria hurriedly poured herself a bourbon, which she only half drank. The rest she spilled over Carmine’s motionless body. The remainder of the contents of the liquor cabinet were methodically spread about the beautiful wooden home.

Maria, sensing her job was nearly complete, lit a cigarette in an act of celebration. After two puffs, she tossed the fag into a small pool of liquor, which almost immediately ignited.

* * *

“Maria, what are you doing?” screamed Carmine, clutching his bloody groin, and hobbling towards the slender woman, who stared him down like an eagle stares down it’s prey.

Maria said nothing. From behind her back she drew a wooden Louisville Slugger, and without hesitation or remorse, assailed Carmine repeatedly until he lay nearly motionless on the floor.

* * *

Maria entered Carmine’s room, where the old man lay sleeping, looking peaceful, breathing deeply. Maria mounted Carmine, who still did not stir. Maria carefully unfastened the old man’s pants, and drew both trousers and unmentionables down to knee length.

Like a pro, Maria began to arouse Carmine. Her gaze focused on his face, she continued, waiting for the old man to catch up. Carmine slowly roused, and when the old man came to, and made eye contact with Maria, she knew it was time. She drew the switchblade from her belt, and immediately, yet methodically, removed Carmine’s manhood with the skill of a surgeon.

The bloodcurtling scream that ensued could wake the dead. Carmine immediately rose, though tripped on his pants. He quickly pulled them up, and gave pursuit of Maria until he saw her standing opposite him in the living room. Unbeknownst to Carmine, Maria was brandishing a baseball bat behind her back.

* * *

Maria entered the old home cautiously, her nerves a total wreck. She questioned herself with every step, every breath, and every motion. As she approached the hallway to Carmine’s bedroom, an old picture of herself as a young girl, hanging from the wall, caught her attention. Maria’s apprehension immediately turned to anger. Straw yellow flames burned in her eyes, and she continued onto Carmine’s room.

* * *

Maria continued to gaze at the blazing home, with a sardonic grin, knowing her job was now done. As she continued to gaze, the memories began to fill her, as her barriers were finally down. The visits in the middle of the night. The gags. Being bound in her own bed in that house. All the times that Carmine raped Maria, his own daughter, flooded into Maria’s mind, and she broke down into tears.

A dark figure emerged from the home ablaze. As it drew closer, Maria’s tears turned back to anger. It was Carmine.

“Was what I did really that bad? I made you a woman baby.”

Maria swung at Carmine, though all she hit was air. All Carmine could do was laugh. “I will be with you always now, daughter dearest.”

The coolest thing I’ve heard in ages

As many of you already know, Dawn and I made the trek eight hours north to Quesnel, BC, to celebrate Si’s birthday, and also get to meet for the first time, Si’s and Jana’s son, Maynard.

It was awesome to see the glow in his eyes, and the big cheesey grin cross Mayn’s face each time he looked at me. To be honest, I’d never felt connected to a baby quite in the same way I was connected to Mayn.

Maybe it was from being alone and isolated when I was growing up. Not having brothers or sisters, and very few cousins having children of their own, maybe I just haven’t had much experience in the matter.

Though what really touched me the most, Jana, the closest person I have to a sister, kept calling me “Uncle Jeff” to Mayn the whole weekend.

Things you learn while recovering from day long hangovers

God it takes going on vacation and getting out of the loop to see what’s really going on. On Sunday, after a casual drive through the metropolis of Quesnel, BC, Dawn and I decided to make a quick stop at Tim Horton’s, to relax a little from the drive, and put a coffee in to counterbalance the previous night of drinking.

As per my habit, I grabbed the newspaper, and flipped to the crossword, which was already done.

DAMN! After fully perusing the paper, it dawned on my why the crossword had been finished. The paper was well over a week old. Guess the news takes a week to get up to the Cariboo. It’s still faster than I ever seem to get it.

On the opinion section, there was a few letters to the editor published that way, in response to former Prime Minister Brian Mulroney’s

comments regarding his belief that he is Canada’s Greatest Prime Minister.

What was more frightening was that there are people who actually support this notion. Like David Searle, of Etobicoke, Ontario, who wrote this lovely send up, which I will quote verbatim.

I have the highest regard and respect for Brian Mulroney, Canada’s decisive former prime minister.

However, for Brian to brag that he was the best prime minister since John A. MacDonald, is to overlook this Conservative’s first choice, Robert Borden.

After which, I would inflate Mulroney’s bloated ego by rating him No. 2.

There is no question Mulroney’s free-trade agreement smashed through the walls of protectionism erected by U.S. Senators.

The GST, which replaced the export-hampering manufacturer’s sales tax, likewise accelerated exports while furnishing the revenue to reverse the near bankrupting impact of decades of accrued, annual defecits.

Also, the deployment of 12 modern, Canadian-built frigates boosted the morale and prowess of our navy.

But Brian does sound like a bitter old man when he spews venomous rubbish about his successor, Kim Campbell.

I am convinced Campbell lost the election in the fallout over her pessimistic unemployment rate forecast, which Jean Cretien capitalized on, and because she shared a decency and honesty on par with Tory statesman Joe Clark.

Lastly, while I miss the days when the Cold War warriors Brian Mulroney, Margaret Thatcher, and Ronald Reagan stood united, Mulroney did cave into pressure by ditching a plan for new, nuclear-propelled, attack submarines.

By doing so, he left our coastline vulnerable to hostile nations and terrorists.

What a load of shit. I do applaud that Mr. Searle at least looks back in history enough to find other candidates, but please. Get the fuck off of your right wing high horse of fear induced thought just for one minute, please. Though there is argument to whom I believe is the best Prime Minister ever. I agree that Lester B. Pearson, Wilfrid Laurier, William Lyon Mackenzie King all did great things, but my choice still is the truest, great leader of them all.

Pierre Elliot Trudeau. My respect for this man is so large, I personally consider him not only the Greatest Canadian PM, but one of the best leaders in world history.

However, just to “one up” old Power Chin,

let’s see how the Northern Magus

stacks up. (Hat tip to Angloman).

BRIAN MULRONEY

• Introduced the GST, which pissed off the whole of Canada, and even made Albertan’s pay tax.
• Nearly split Canada in two, by sabotaging an ammendment, bringing his (and my) home province of Quebec into Canada officially, not once, but twice. All while Quebec had a strong Liberal, non-seperatist government.
• Was imitated too many times, like above, depicted in comic strips, where the only funny point was the massive chin.
• Took orders from Reagan, and was not accountable to Canadians.

PIERRE ELLIOT TRUDEAU

• Brought true independence to Canada, giving Canada the right to ammend it’s own constitution, not at the barrel of a gun, but with a handshake and a smile.

• Nearly include Quebec in said constitution, while Quebec was led by Rene Levesque, one of the most powerful seperatist forces Quebec has known.
• Encouraged Canadians to be socially responsible, while trying to improve conditions for all Canadians.
• Got to hang out with John Lennon and Yoko Ono.



• Is imitated by wearing red roses, and pirouettes (just like the one shown below).

But, in fact, it shouldn’t be the leaders who decide amongst themselves who is best, should they? As we live in a democratic society, shouldn’t we, the people, make such a choice.

Oh wait, we have. The CBC held such a challenge, but for all Canadians.

The Greatest Canadian.

It seems the majority of Canadians agree with me. Though Tommy Douglas was the Greatest Canadian, he never made Prime Minister, and the only other Canadian greater than Trudeau was Terry Fox. As for Canada’s choices on leaders, here’s how they stack, from Trudeau to Mulroney.

Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Liberal
Lester B. Pearson, Liberal
Sir John A. MacDonald, Conservative
Sir Wilfred Laurier, Liberal
Jean Cretien, Liberal
John George Diefenbaker (namesake of the 3×20 Dief box), Progressive Conservative
William Lyon Mackenzie King, Liberal
Brian Mulroney, Progressive Conservative.

Wow. Brian, you can’t read, can you. Lesson for the day, a one (1) looks just a wee bit different than an eight(8). We Canadians seem to be more humanitarian as opposed to money grubbing oil bandits like our neighbors to the south. Now, Mr. Mulroney and Mr. Searle, just for some salt to the wound, here’s some other notable Canadians who we like better than Brian.

Don Cherry
Wayne Gretzky
Stompin’ Tom Connors
Neil Young
Shania Twain
Bobby Orr
Mike “Austin Powers” Myers
Maurice “The Rocket” Richard
Celine Dion (wait while I vomit)
…
…
…
Jim Carrey
Michael J. Fox
Mario Lemieux
Bret “Hitman” Hart
Avril Lavigne
John Candy
Rick Mercer
Pamela Anderson (yup, the one with the big boobies)
Gordie Howe
and how could I ever forget old Bill

Maybe you Conservitive back benchers should think before you talk.

I’m BAAAAAAAAAAACK!

And it seems that I haven’t posted much over the weekend. Okay, let’s not break thumbs. I didn’t hit a computer for four days. As such, for filler to bring me up four posts today, I bring you a meme, courtesy of Meredith.

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME: Jeff*** ****** Vickers
2. WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING? Erm… a towel, just got out of the shower.
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? 867-5309 - Jenny DAMN YOU TOMMY TUTONE!
4. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Four Chicken Weiners with Hot Sauce last night. I didn’t have the energy to cook or blog after 12 hours of site seeing through the Cariboo and Kamloops.
5. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Black. Give yourself, to the Dark Side of the Force. It is the only way to save your friends. Especially for… sister. So you have a twin sister. Your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for her are strong. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps SHE WILL!
6. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Mom. I don’t get a lot of phone calls, except for business.
7. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Eyes. They are the windows to the soul.
8. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? Yeah, except she never can be reached anymore.
10. FAVOURITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Since Coke rots my teeth now, Rye and Coke, the former, is out of the question. As such, I have to go with frosty pints of Stella Artois.
11. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, but if you see any pictures of me, my glasses are becoming more obvious.
12. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Shy, no. I, however, am too comitted and in love with Dawn to ever consider any other. That and she’d tear my balls off. Love you babe!
13. HUGS OR KISSES? Erm… both. Guess this question is geared towards the ladies.
14. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships. Period. I wouldn’t give Dawn up for anything.
16. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? Don’t email. Post. And I’m sure someone will blast this off of my site, just as I blasted from an email.
17. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? My guesses are too bad, so as such, Dawn.
18. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Somebody who doesn’t have a blog?
19. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Just finished Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, finally, and now eagerly anticpate cracking into Star Wars and Philosophy, ed. by Kevin S. Decker and Jason T. Eberl.
20. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Erm… Drove through Kamloops (as we left the Cariboo in the afternoon), and took loads of piccies until it was dark. Bought Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story, which is brilliant. If Dawn and I weren’t so knackered, we may have had a “Sexy Party”.
21. LAST PLACE YOU WENT ON HOLIDAY? Just got back from Quesnel, BC, for a four day sourjourn in the Cariboo.
22. WHO/WHAT INSPIRES YOU? Black figures with mechanical breathing devices, One-Year-Olds bent on world domination and killing mom’s named Lois, my sis, her man and her newborn son, and my babe Dawn.
23 BUTTERED, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN? Hot Barbecque spicy flavour.
24. FAVOURITE CAR? Lamborghini Diablo Roadster.
25. FAVOURITE FLOWER? Flower? Too girly. Plant… Venus Fly Trap. And not the DJ Venus Fly Trap.
26. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Yes. Yes I can. Dawn I bet will be surprised by this.
27. RED OR WHITE WINE? Red wine. So long as it’s Italian.
28. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? Went out for drinks with Dawn, James, and Carla back in Toronto, on a very cold day, under threat from Dawn not to go overboard.
29. WHAT IS YOUR STAR SIGN? Saggitarius, the archer. Firmly based in reality while shooting for your dreams.
30. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes. And I still am.
31. MOTTO: A few. Veni, vidi, vicci. Et tu, Brute? Give yourself to the Dark Side. Quis Dolor Cui Dolium.

Bringing balance back to the Dark Side of the Force

Let the hate FLOW through you.
Emperor Palpatine

TGINS. Not F, as in Friday, but NS, as in Not shooting on Smallville today. Or tomorrow. Or at least until the middle of next week. I’ve paid my weekly penance, will be rewarded with a gigantic cheque next week, and as such, I’m taking a few personal days, up in the Cariboo, visiting a great friend.

It was weird. After the Tuesday shit festival, I doubted I could hold out for a week. Luckily, however, balance returned to the Dark Side. Because we shot around water, we had a limited crew around set for safety purposes, which meant instead of sweating fear pounds off of my slender body, I got to hang out more at Craft Services and put some of those pounds back. And I got to make up for those messed up high stress mistakes on Tuesday. So all is good.

Though, one of the keys (I won’t say who) in the electric department is now the SECOND who rivals Mr. Rogers

as to whom is more benign.

Types of bullying

Stolen borrowed from Wikipedia on bullying:

Bullying is when someone repeatedly acts or says things to have power over another person. Bullies mainly use a combination of intimidation and humiliation to torment others. The following is some examples of bullying techniques:

* Calling the victim names and stating the victim is useless at whatever they do
* Spreading gossip and rumours about him/her
* Threats of job loss and disciplinary action for unspecified reasons
* Constant negative criticism for unspecified allegations
* Taking the victim’s possessions or taking control of the victim’s work
* Demoting the victim
* Making the victim do what they do not want to do with a threat of violence or disciplinary action if they refuse
* Actually following through with a threat on one occasion to ensure the victim will comply with all future orders
* Cyberbullying through the use of various information technologies

Funny how this example involves a lot of inferences that would occur in the workplace. And for the longest time, I held the belief that as we grew into adults that we became tolerant of each other’s differences, strengths, and weakness, and learned to accept each other. It’s actually happened. I’ve reconciled with several bullies from my past. But of course, then I’m reminded of Dubya. There’s a bully who proves we have a lot of evolving left to do.

But as such, it does really suck ass when people are bullied at work. No matter how much stress comes down the pipe, supervisors and such shouldn’t take it out on their crews. Unfortunately, they still do, and make good people small.

It really does suck. Just saying.

I’m a loser baby…

So why don’t you kill me.

Ok.

I’m normal. Ish. Maybe. Though my babe is cooler than me. How do I know?

Check this…

Define Irony

Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.

Garland Greene, Con Air, uttered while a number of convicts dance on a hijacked airplane, while Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd is played in the background.

In a completely unrelated development, I am reminded of this post that Dawn made not too long ago. I believe it has one line in there that said

I don’t know how many of you have been receiving Spam comments on your blogs, but I know of a [couple] already, so I’ve decided to turn on “Word Verification” in order to try and combat it before it reaches my blog.

So, as such, I’m sure you can join me in my utter surprise, when today, Dawn just had to buy this grocery shopping…

Disclaimer Episode II

I got kinda appalled when I saw this comment on Dawn’s site.

Anonymous said…

Hi,
I’m from holland and post on the SHH forums. I’m a big fan of X-Men and was wondering if you/he can answer these questions for me and other members of the forum please. what Jeff did do on the set of X-Men 3? What does Halle Berry (hair), Kelsey Grammer, Ben Foster and others look like in costume.Where were they shooting when he was on set? Can you describe any scenes? Has he seen Gambit? When are they going to release the first pics?
Anything else you can say?

Thanks.

Wow. Not that I shouldn’t be surprised. Yes. I am excited that I had the opportunity to day call on X-Men 3 for four days last weekend. It has been something I had been looking forward to since having moved to British Columbia from Ontario late in June. What a great goal to achieve for a FULL YEAR of heartache and pain. Don’t believe me? Go back into the archives of this and my other blogs (which are all linked). Trust me. It’s been hell, and I’m glad that things have turned around. Good things come to us who wait and persist.

Now then, Mr. Anonymous. I just wonder, if it has ever struck you at all, that I’d flush my entire film opportunity right down the toilet by violating my confidentiality agreement with X-Men (or any other show for that matter) just to please a group of individuals who are so hung up on their favourite shows that they can’t wait until next summer, LIKE THE REST OF US, to find out what happens. Even for us film technicians who work on the sets, we still are enough out of the loop for story, as so when we do have the chance to see the finished product, we can still enjoy the film without knowing too much. One of the great benefits of shooting out of order.

So, as a message for anyone else who wants to ask me about what happens on the shows I have worked, I’ll just say, YOU’RE BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE. Here’s a hint. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s, in the whole Star Wars original trilogy era. We didn’t have internet. So how did we find out what happened in the films? We did it the old fashioned way.

WE WAITED UNTIL IT WAS RELEASED INTO THEATRES, GOT IN LINE, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENJOYED THE SHOW.

Follow my last year. Be patient. Good things happen to those who wait.

Jeff.

P.S. (to the Irish Minnesotan) this is NOT in response to your request for dirt. And this Stella’s for you (since I have no Guinness) [beer].