Branching off some more

Well, this isn’t a change, just an addition. As a few of you know, I have delusions that I can actually take a photo or two. And I needed a forum to more appropriately display my photographs, and frankly, the purpose of this blog does not suit it. To add to things, Blogger really isn’t the greatest forum to display artistic photographs. As such, I have set up a deviantART account here.

Check it out. I just hope you laugh more at my posts here than my pics there.

That is all.

Ugghhh @ the holidays

Now, don’t let the title of this post completely fool you. I’m not raining on the parade of the good qualities of the holiday season. Rather, based on the experience I have had working in retail this Christmas, I am reminded of a theorem I discovered about 17 years ago, when I first started to drive, having earned my licence during a road test conducted in a blizzard.

The presence of snow on any driving surface, wether it be paved road, dirt road, driveway, or parking lot, causes an instantaneous rejection, by the human body, of it’s own brain, in regards to, but not restricted to, common sense rules of the road.

Well, this past week of Hell sheer fun, selling to, and observing, typical electonics consumers acting under heavy impulse, I have developed the retail corollary for it.

During December holidays, consumers looking to show their love by throwing money at those whom they “care” about, immediately turn off all reasoning centers of the cereberal cortex, only to re-engage during boxing week, to realize the mistakes of their purchases, only to then blame everyone but themselves.

Can you say ugghh yet? Or are you in such denial that you are still arguing that the associate who sold you your wares was just trying to make a buck?

Either way, I just shake my head at the sheer idiocy of some of the complaints I have run across this week, just because others can’t be bothered to care for their loved ones, substituting merchandise and bling for love. For your consideration, I give you some plum examples from the week:

1. Repeated phone calls from customers who purchased televisions well past the no hassle return date, having realized there was some problem with it, having not purchased in-store service, having lost the manual, expecting us to fix the problem over the phone. After 10 minutes of explaining it’s not our problem anymore, it took an additional 10 to effectively relay the manufacturers telephone number, as the parties (yup, this was a multiple event) had extreme difficulty realizing that an 866 toll free area code was only three digits long, not four or five.

2. Being treated like toe jam because I won’t put a $29.99 DVD player on hold, as it is a quick moving item, as putting items on hold is not store policy. This attitude is gauded over by the “potential loss of a customer”. This coming in a department where a complete home theatre system could bring in $15,000 revenue to the store. Yet the parties (again many who thought this) don’t realize their purchase is peanuts in comparison. Hmm. I wonder if they yet realize the sun does not revolve around them yet?

3. This one is technically specific. People who can’t grasp the concept of High Definition. This is really easy. High Defiition has either 720 or 1080 lines of resolution. As such, for a High Definition TV to be playing a High Definition picture, the input, surprise, surprise, must be High Definition. Everyone who looks at high definition are told that by every Home Theatre rep in the store. Yet we are blamed after Christmas because many angry customers are awakened to the fact that these televisions don’t magically make regular TV High Definition. I wonder how these people who can throw $6000 around for a TV got rich on an education that practically does not stretch beyond the third grade.

I could go on, but I think the point is becoming very clear. One, that most of our customers, left to their own devices, are barely able to swallow their own food, let alone make decisions based on thousands of dollars. Two, that, maybe, the secret of success is to be as stupid as possible. Don’t believe me? Just look at Bush. He’s the dumbest of them all. And he’s the most powerful man in the “free” (though America ain’t that free) world.

That is all.

Yankee propaganda strikes again

Well, from that accredible horrible source of news gossip, CNN, it seems that we, the free-spirited Canadian, seems to blame our southern neighbour for the increase in violence we have in our communities. Funny, how this is news to me, that America is the source.

The article piece of shit which is supposed to resemble reporting can be found here.

I thought the only people playing the blame game were the politicians, looking to substitute blame for personality in the upcoming federal election.

Meh. Once again, America gets sucked in by this fear mongering, anti-everything-not-100%-American dogma that is shoved down their throats, hopefully substituting the governments revocation of the public’s basic rights.

It’s a shame our neighbours from the south do not recieve Canadian news, to counter the opinion that’s constantly spread to them as fact.

As such, read news from CBC, BBC, This Hour Has 22 Minutes, and the Rick Mercer Report for different viewpoints. Then seperate fact from fiction. And enjoy the odd chuckle.

Hat tip to Ang.

That is all.

I’ve just decided…

That our opponents in the Northwestern Division can kiss my ass. We dominate weaker teams like Ottawa and Detroit, but yet our division rivals are owning us.

Calisse Tabarnacle!!!

Anyhow… the Bert analysis will come at some point tomorrow. As for the Bert-accu-score^TM for tonight’s game agains the Predators (thank fucking God, a non-division opponent) shall be

Vancouver 4 Nashville 1

Cha Gheill!!

The true meaning of Christmas

Yup, last night I was re-united with a certain episode of a Canadian classic, the Trailer Park Boys Christmas special in which Ricky

had an epiphany about Christmas. To quote (well, adlibbed):

Christmas is about getting drunk and fucking stoned.

Ahh yes, the true meaning of life. I just always wondered how the Trailer Park Boys would be if they were in British Columbia, not Nova Scotia. And in the Trailer Park Boys holiday calendar, only 420 is more holy.

However, I get the feeling the Canucks had celebrated a few 420’s after all the Olympic team candidates they have. Bertuzzi and Jovanovski for team Canada; Naslund, Ohlund and the Sedin twins for Sweden; and last but not least, Salo and Ruutu for Finland. And surprisingly enough, NOBODY for team USA. Okay so it’s not surprising.

As such, after Jovo and Bert got named as Team Canada teammates, and future gold medal winners, too many 420’s were celebrated, not on April 20, but rather at 4:20 pm, thus impacting the game, giving four more to Edmonton’s goal total of three, giving them seven. Once the buzz wore off, Vancouver found themselves behind by 2, and put themselves in gear, getting one more goal, making the score 7-6, giving us

Utter Golden Perfection^TM.

Then with the six Swedish and Finnish players named, the Canucks were inspired to score two more goals, for the Fins. However, the Flames decided to burn us, by supporting their own Finnish goalie Kiprusoff, and scored a goal for each opposing Swedish olympian, making the score 6-5, giving us again,

Utter Golden Perfection^TM.

As for tonight, the Canucks are hungry for revenge, and the score of the game shall be

Canucks 4 Flames 0

Cha Gheill!

How Canadian am I?

Well, let the following speak for itself.

Very Canadian You scored 90 Canada speak and 94 Canadianess!

Nicely done! You could be one of us. You probably know someone who owns a Ski-Doo up at their cottage.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 65% on Canada speak You scored higher than 86% on Canadianess

Link: The Ultimate Canadian Test written by echox2 on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

And, as a public service to those neighbours south of our border who would like to try the quiz, one of these two links will help you with one question.

Either here or here.

That is all.

Tonight’s game

Well, the Christmas rush is delaying the accu-score for that horrible Edmonton game Wednesday. But, as such, tonight, the Flames are in town, and as such, the Bert-accu-score^TM for the game shall be

Canucks 3 Flames 2

Cha Gheill!!

For the rest of us

Well, being as I am working the afternoon shift at hell Best Buy *cough cough*, I’ve had the opportunity to do a little recreational blog surfing today.

I got to Peter’s blog, at which I read this post, to which Peter makes a strong argument to the Christian origins of America, and voices his displeasure of beliefs that are contrary to the Western concept of God. To wit, this brings two thoughts to mind.

1. Something my father told me ages ago. Don’t talk about religion or politics amongst friends. Tempers flare up too much all based on belief structures. Meh.

2. Such a powerful belief structure, coupled with everything that’s going on in the middle east, is becoming increasingly remeniscent of another dark element of the Christian past. Yup, I’m talking about the crusades. Can Dubya say woops yet?

With the multicultural diversity that exists within North America, our neighborhoods are becoming potential battlegrounds. All over stubborn, bullheaded beliefs. As Rufus (Chris Rock) said in Dogma, “It’s better to have ideas. Changing an idea is easy. Changing a belief is trickier”. Which leads me to this major idea.

One of the assimilative aspects of North American culture, is, as one yellow skinned, ten year old, cartoon boy once said, “Christmas is the time where people of all faiths come to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ”. Yes, most of us celebrate Christmas in some fashion, usually dominated by the exchange of gifts. In my household, growing up, there was absolutely no relation to the actual religious significance of the birth of Christ. And our family was far from the only one.

As such, I suggest this. That we, as North Americans, celebrate Festivus. That’s right, the Seinfeld inspired Festivus for the Rest of Us. A non-religious holiday, which, surprise, surprise, is December 23, which is today. As such, we are not just able to join together free of belief, but as well, we can clean the slate with the traditional “airing of grievances”.

As such, here are my grievances aired.

1. To all my “friends”, who have since migrated on to better things, leaving me and my friendship behind. I thought your friendship meant something, but obviously, something else meant more to you.

2. To all the creationists. Fact supports the Darwinian notion that we evolved, and disproves the Biblical notion of divine creation. Fact. As Superintendant Chalmers said, “prayer has no place [between school walls], just as fact has no place within organized religion”.

3. Those people who manage, but know not how to lead. Get a clue.

Now I’m not saying to leave Christianity. For those whose faith is strong, I still suggest to follow your doctrine. I just suggest to take the commercialism out of Christmas, and allow people of all faiths to follow their spiritualistic needs uninterrupted with nauseating Christian assimilation. And to all…

HAPPY FESTIVUS

That is all.

Just adding fuel to the fire

And in that title, I so hope we mop the floor with the US hockey team. My good buddy Jake (no blog that I’m aware of) sent me this, which really boils my blood. If any of you wonder why I hate neo-conservative, Flander-ised right wing American borg designates, this video should give you some insight.

And for those people aforementioned, please, WAKE THE FUCK UP.

Click here to see why.

That is all.

Canada Repeat Gold!!!

Well, okay, I’m jumping the gun. But, I can come up with two reasons why Canada has the best shot of all countries.

One being Ed Jovanovski. The other being Bert himself, Todd Bertuzzi. Nice to see the two top Canuck Canucks (alliteration, I love it) are Olympians.

Hmm… where are the top Canuck Leafs. Oh, McCabe is an alternate. Excuse me while I laugh. For the whole roster, click here. And look, no Los Angeles Kings.

Even Bertuzzi and Jovanovski have alliterate jersey numbers. 44 and 55, respectively. Now since the 4 and 5 are doubled up, so to speak, we should take one away from each, giving us 3 and 4. And since the Kings don’t have Canuck players up to scratch, the Kings stole the 4 for their goal total, making Monday’s total score being 4-3, Kings over Canucks, giving us…

Utter Golden Perfection^TM.

For tonight’s contest, the Oilers come into the garage to try to gain more wins from the Canucks. Vancouver will be uber-pumped from the news they have two Canuck Olympians, and the Bert-accu-score^TM for the game shall be

Vancouver 5 Edmonton 3

Cha Gheill!! And Oh Canada!!