Pat Quinn’s New Career

Sent to me by Jake, which is fitting because he suffers brain damage cheers the Leafs.

I wonder if we’ll see Marc Crawford there soon? Or will Crawford join the elite Starbucks crowd?

Today is a day that ends in the letter ‘y’

So Stephen Harper and the Conform Party of Canada¹ are taking yet another step towards giving up all Canadians basic rights, allowing for us to be mindless Borg^TM drones like our “differently brained” neighbours to the south. So amongst the myriad of initiatives the Conformers want us to conform to, what strikes my Golden Eye^TM today?

Quite simply, the grave concerns Information Commissioner John Reid has about Harper’s flagship program, the accountability act. To give a couple of specific examples, from the same CBC story linked above, consider the following:

In a special report to Parliament, John Reid said he had “grave concerns” about the Conservative’s proposed accountability act, which is now under debate. He charged that it will actually reduce openness in government and make it easier to cover up potentially embarrassing scandals.

Hold the boat. Wasn’t the accountability act designed to ensure the government couldn’t cover up scandals, they had to be accountable, and play by the rules?

…the proposed act will “reduce the amount of information available to the public, weaken the role of the information commissioner and increase the government’s ability to cover-up wrongdoing, shield itself from embarrassment and control the flow of information to Canadians…”

Back up the truck. What does limiting my access have to do with MP’s being accountable for their actions?

To illustrate things further, let us set the way back machine for, oh, say nearly five years ago. In the wake of 9-11, coke-head Bush and his cronies enacted the Patriot Act. The actual words on the paper, for the most part, are a exhausting set of grammatical corrections, punctuation correction, and nonsense that would require months of study to read properly. The Act was delivered without ample time for Congressmen to read, and was passed based on the word of mouth translation of the meaning. Authorities, at their discretion, may revoke various constitutional rights in order to fight the war on terror.

But, as history has taught us in the past, handing over such power just corrupts those in control further. The reduction of personal freedom coupled with broadcasts of the ramifications of those who stood against Big Brother Bush compounded the fear and terror quotient already vivaciously present within America’s populace. The definition of terrorist grew from Al-Qaeda to Taliban, Taliban to Afghanistan, Afghanistan to the majority of the muslim people. Thus it was easy to equate Saddam’s Iraq, a rather secular government within the middle east, to a fundamentalist religious and terrorist movement, Al-Qaeda. Both were anti-America, ruled by the barrel of a gun and fear, and were both subscribers to the faith of Islam.

With the fear subsided five years out, it becomes increasingly obvious how those in power manipulated the opinions of it’s people to achieve the desired results.

Fast forward to Canada, circa 2006. Canadians, in the wake of 13 years worth of Liberal governments, cried for a change. Liberals were surrounded by sponsorship scandal, primarily aimed at the last two Prime Ministers, who misappropriated funds to support lobbyists, while the government enjoyed an unprecidented tax revenue surplus. To respond to the knee jerk reaction of those in need of a change, Stephen Harper and his Conformists stood on a platform of political accountability, promising to put into legislation an Accountability Act to ensure governments play by the rules and are accountable to it’s people.

Now, with the Conformists in power, and the drafts of the legislation on the table, a clear mind can see the difference. Accountability, just like the “temporary surrender of certain freedoms” that occurs down south, is just the whitewash for a desperate attempt at attaining more power, at the cost of the people, in order to yield personal gain.

Would the opposition please defeat these village idiots before they destroy both the uniqueness of Quebec and the diversity of our great nation? If America complains I’m sure we could part with Toronto without major complaints.

That is all.

Notes:

1. The idea for the Conform Party of Canada came from an old Air Farce sketch that foreshadowed the Reform Party (which became the Canadian Alliance) merging with the Progressive Conservatives to unify the right. Since the term conform much better represents Harper et al much more accurately than conservative, the Conservative Party of Canada will henceforth be known as the Conform Party of Canada, or Conform Party, Conformists, and the like here on this blog.

Once again, that is all.

Not that we need it, but even more proof I’m a total dweeb

Ah, yes, while waiting for fax service at a local Kinko’s like store, I saw this very punny geographical quiz about my beautiful home, and I’m just too dorky not to share it.

As such, every so often (more than likely as filler) I’ll pop a few on here and see how my 21 readers do (well, okay, I’ve gotten 21 unique hits in one day… wooo hooo… but only once)…

And as for Jana and Dawn, NO SPOILING THIS!!!

CAN YOU NAME THESE PLACES IN BRITISH COLUMBIA?

1. Former Queen.
2. 2000 lb Monarch.
3. Overcook a Honeymaker.
4. Radioactive Hot Water.
5. Sets Fire to Water.

Yes I’m a dweeb, a dork, a nerd, a geek, and very sad. That is all.

All you need is love

And, in tribute of Marc Crawford getting axed for failing to get the Canucks into the postseason, I leave you with this video.

That is all.

Stephen Harper Report Card… First Quarter

Well, for those of us following the first three months of the Stephen Harper saga as Prime Minister, yet another bump in the road has been hit. After the death of four soldiers in Afghanistan this weekend, Harper flat out banned the media from recording the military ceremony.

Now, for our “differently brained” neighbours south of 49, I would like to empart this tidbit of information before you subject yourself to immense flaming. Our news service, unlike yours, has a journalistic integrity much greater than that of Geraldo Rivera, Jerry Springer, or the like. Rather, any time in the past when our media covers such solemn proceedings, they exercise the utmost respect and care, and don’t turn it into a media frenzy.

Harper defended said actions by saying he was trying to protect the privacy of the families of the fallen soldiers. Well, to avoid this post turning into a large net debate, I’ll just ask this. Did anyone bother to ask the families of the four soldiers what there opinion was? On CBC tonight there was one family member who supported televised military services to allow family and friends who could not attend, to be able to view the service.

Anyway, Harper’s actions have been criticized as being “too American”, too Bush, and a vast plethora of comments stating Canada’s ever increasing desire not to be confused by our “differently brained” neighbours.

In an academic response to the war in Iraq, many people took the 14 Defining Characteristics of Fascism and saw how America cued up. They were a perfect 14/14. Wow. Let’s see how Harper’s current incarnation of Canada meets up…

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism.

Well, Canadians aren’t rallying behind the Canadian flag right now, looking to take all comers. However, Harper, and avid hockey fan, is definitely playing the “I love hockey” card, calling for an Ottawa/Calgary cup final (hey, waddabout Montreal?), and is playing the one card that Canada lives and breathes.

Score: 0, but expect a 1 if Ottawa/Calgary ends up being the cup final.

2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights

Harper, as Opposition Leader during the last Liberal caucus, was VERY vocal, even spending millions of dollars on advertising campaigns to create a rally cry against same sex marriage. It is no surprise that these right-wing religious nutjobs are still living in the stone ages, making such statements and accusations based solely on fictional belief, not fact. I wonder if this sentiment will lead to a generalization of the term “queer”, and such will the queers be Canada’s enemies?

Score: 1.

3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause

Well, let’s just look at the last election platform, and the debates going on now in the House of Commons. Filled with anti-Liberal sentiment. The whole Accountability Act is nothing more than rallying Canada against the Liberals.

Score: 2.

4. Supremacy of the Military

If you’ve been following, Harper’s all for creating a strong military to help in our obligations to follow the orders of support our friends, America, in their military campaigns.

Score: 3.

5. Rampant Sexism

Well, Harper has scrapped National Daycare in exchange for a $1200 per child under six program (whose fine print has many if’s and but’s), which favours the Leave it to Beaver family unit the most, where Mom stays at home to look after the house while Dad works. Financially, it doesn’t work, but leave it to phalocentric bible thumpers to try and make things like in “the good old days”, before reforms to women’s rights. I guess it will be a while before we see another woman leading the Conservatives, no?

Score: 4.

6. Controlled Mass Media

See the point I made above.

Score: 5.

7. Obsession with National Security

Coming from a perspective of enforcement rather than education as a cure to crime, Harper inspires more fear than hope in the war against crime. His predisposition against marijuana and support of the tobacco companies, where cigarettes are a bigger killer than drugs, further cements this stance.

Score: 6.

8. Religion and Government are Intertwined

Luckily Canada is still a secular nation, again unlike our “differently brained” neighbors from the south. But with all the bible thumpers from Calgary running a number of our Ministries, who knows how long it will take before institutions like the Ministry of Health gets confused with faith healing?

Score: 6.

9. Corporate Power is Protected

With the Accountability Act, there is legislation that does NOT protect corporations. Though don’t be fooled, most of these Conservatives are big Calgary oil men.

Score: 6.

10. Labour Power is Suppressed

Still no current evidence is suggested as of yet, though I will offer some food for thought in the near future. One of Harper’s promises was a tax credit program for apprentices to go towards costs such as tools. Do keep in mind that Conservative types are anti-union. Don’t be shocked when these programs come with commitments to remain union free.

Score: 6.

11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts

A whole lot of these Conservatives are religious types, who fear such intellectual progress such as something as simple as evolution. Conservatives traditionally take money away from funding agencies such as Telefilm to fund more conservative initiative. I just hope Music, Drama, and Visual Arts are not taken away from school curriculums under these gits.

Score: 7. It was tough, but it’s obvious the Arts are going to take it in the ass.

12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment

Well, duh. See #7 as well. Harper is obsessed with manditory sentences and tougher enforcement.

Score: 8.

13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption

We can’t pin this on Harper. Yet. Though corruption will naturally settle in, Cronyism is the antithesis of Harper’s Accountability Act.

Score: 8.

14. Fraudulent Elections

Not on a national scale, though the residents of Vancouver-Kingsway are still right pissed about the immediate defection of Liberal elected, now Conservative minister David Emerson. There’s one way to settle this. Byelection.

Score: 9.

So, Harper gets a score of 9/14, or 60% fascist, with several categories not far off. Don’t let Harper get away with turning Canada into a state.

That is all.

Big Bush is Watching — Always

Bush is good. Terrorism is ungood. Any act upon Bush, Republicanism, or any person or business in the United States is now considered Terrorism. Remember, Terrorism is ungood. Any thought or intent against us is thoughtcrime. Thoughtcrime is terrorism.

Intellect is thought. Thus Intellectual Property is a product of thought. Theft of Intellectual Property is thoughtcrime. Thoughtcrime is terrorism.

Now copying music is thoughtcrime. Downloading non-approved information is thoughtcrime. Visiting sites not congruent with America is thoughtcrime. Thoughtcrime is terrorism.

Beloved Big Brother Bush is good. Bush declared that this is thoughtcrime. Big Brother is Bush. Big Brother is always watching.

Unthinking things are like this? Stop unlooking, begin looking. Big Brother is everywhere already. Thought against Big Brother breeds dissent. Dissent breeds violence. Violence is terrorism. Big Brother will spend all efforts trying to stomp out the root cause of ungood… thoughtcrime. Thoughtcrime is Terrorism.

That is all.

Hat-tip: Todd, for sending me originally this.

iTunes April 2006 - otherwise known as filler

Current iTunes playlist

1. Viva La Raza - WWE - Eddie Guerrero (1)
2. Weapon of Choice - Fatboy Slim (2)
3. You Were Always on my Mind - Pet Shop Boys (3)
4. Romantic Traffic - The Spoons (4)
5. Kyle’s Mom’s A Bitch - Eric Cartman (6)
6. Give It Up - KC and the Sunshine Band (7)
7. You May Be Right - The Grapes of Wrath (11)
8. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd (5)
9. Keep On Rocking In The Free World - Neil Young (
10. Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots (9)
11. The Lonely Shepherd - Zamfir (10)
12. The Globe - Big Audio Dynamite (13)
13. Sycamore Trees - David Lynch and Jimmy Scott (16)
14. Connection - Elastica (14)
15. Crazy Train - Pat Boone (19)
16. Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths (12)
17. Papa’s Got A Brand New Pig Bag - Pig Bag (15)
18. Killing In The Name - Rage Against the Machine (17)
19. Cannonball - The Breeders (1
20. What is Life? - George Harrison (23)
21. Chemical World - Blur (21)
22. There’s No Other Way - Blur (22)
23. Zero - Smashing Pumpkins (NR)
24. The River - The Tea Party (20)
25. Sin - Nine Inch Nails (24)

As to what I listened to doing this post? The Roof is on Fire - Bloodhound Gang, Eye in the Sky - Alan Parsons Project, and Dragula - Rob Zombie, amongst others.

Too diverse. Maybe.

That is all.

The Quest for the Holy Grail

For nearly two thousand years, man has sought the holy grail. Is it in the Middle East, France, or England? Is it a cup, or rather a reference to the bride of ol’ JC himself, Mary Magdalene? Do we have to trot around, pretending to ride horses with squires in tow banging coconuts together to foley a horse hoof sound?

Well, none of you are right. Devout Christians, Pagan Christians, believers, nay sayers, da Vinci, Dan Brown, you are ALL WRONG. For the Holy Grail is not this cup…

but rather this one.

Yes, we Canadians have known the true nature of the Grail for some 100+ years now. And tonight, the long but exciting run as to who lifts the glorious chalice in victory begins. Canada, with a resurgence in teams due to fairer economic rules of play, are fielding four of their five clubs.

Now Toronto fans may not understand the math. Though the knee jerk reaction would be to assume Montreal is part of Quebec and not Canada would be their primary response, it would not fit mathematically as Montreal made the playoffs, and more importantly Montreal is the major part of Quebec that keeps the province Canadian, and thusly is a VERY Canadian city.

Rather, it is Toronto that is excluded from the list of being Canadian. Though they deny it, Torontonians secretly harbour desires to be American, they’re the one city that abysmally fails in supporting Canadian Football Rugby, as they truly want an American Football Rugby franchise. Thus, Canada casts Toronto out of it’s jurisdiction (at least as it pertains to the blessed game, Hockey).

As for me, whose “new” hometown team, the Canucks, completely collapsed and missed the playoffs, I have one goal I’d like to see (but have no control over less maybe karma), that being an all-Canadian final. As such, my predictions for the Canadian content of the first round is as follows:

Oilers def. Red Wings, 4 games to 2.
Senators def. Lightning, 4 games to 0.
Flames def. Ducks, 4 games to 3.
Habs def. Hurricanes, 4 games to 2.

Oh Canada!

He’s BAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK

Yes, the ghost of Ballard has now found his way from Maple Leaf Gardens to the ACC. In case you haven’t been following, the Toronto Make Me Laughs Maple Leafs have failed to gain entry into the NHL postseason. This is just a bit of balance considering the utter collapse of the Canucks and their failure to make said dance.

After leaving Maple Leaf Gardens, the Leafs enjoyed a highly unnatural propensity toward actually winning hockey matches. This was in high contrast to the Leafs I grew up with, losing frequently, missing the playoffs, and playing a lot of golf. Maybe the 80’s led to the country club atmosphere of Leaf hockey.

Well, all that winning came crashing to a hault this season, as the Leafs missed the postseason for the first time under head coach Pat Quinn. Ballard’s ghost haunts the Leafs once more. And guess what?

They fired him!

Though by reading the Leafs version of the story, it just looks like they put a horse out to pasture. Once again, the country club atmosphere of the Toronto faithful. How strong is The Passion That Unites [them] All anyway? Well, the Blue Jays should recieve increased attendence as a result.

As for me, I just wish I had some coin to go back to Toronto, just to stir the pot.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That is all.

How to mess with your server…

otherwise known in most universities as Latin 101. Today’s lesson? How to pronounce Caesar. As in the first Roman Emperor Julius Caesar, or more domestically, caesar salad. For most of you out there, we fall into the trap of pronouncing it somewhere to the effect of see-sar.

Wrong. Fail. Here’s a hint. It’s pronounced phonetically. And most people will say see-sar again. I would like to bring up but one point. A preceeds E, not proceeds. The proper pronunciation is kaɪ.sar. See this wikipedia entry for the skeptics. Cesare is pronounced see-sar, but Caesar, it’s a hard C. But don’t feel bad. Even the Oxford dictionary screws this up. Not that the brits are sticklers for pronouncing things as they are spelled. Like Worcestershire. Derby. Reading. Aluminum. Well, you get the gist.

So during your next restaurant visit, order a Caesar salad with the aformentioned pronunciation key. Have fun with your server and persist that it’s how it must be pronounced. Remember, the customer is ALWAYS right. Heck, my grandmother used to correct servers all the time and make them cave. Mind you she wasn’t out to take the piss. She was a high school teacher. It was, however, quite amusing to watch. Just remember to tip your server well if they take it with good humour.

That is all.