Funny films

Well, for the last few days, I’ve been skittish at best in my moderating/posting replies to comments, let alone really reading people’s blogs, and let alone coming up with any creative material to post. So, in the current tradition of Hollywood, I’ve decided to blast this concept from MCF, who in turn blasted it from Darrell. But, instead of upping the ante to the top 25 films, I’ve rather decided to create a Letterman-ish, concise top ten list.

In choosing my top ten, I would like put in these two cents. They are films that I find funny. Maybe you do and maybe you don’t. Even one film on this list does not naturally classify as a comedy. More importantly, however, is that the humour lasts the test of time. A film like Weekend at Bernies, which rated as funny in the late 80’s, has lost much of it’s zing in this day and age.

Now to my top 10:

10. Mambo Italiano (2003) dir. Émile Gaudreault
Nothing is as timeless as a story of pent up Italian family hostility over their son coming out. Nor as funny.

9. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb (1964) dir. Stanley Kubrick
Simply put, the absolute best of the dark comedies. Kubrick always was a genius. Sometimes I look at scenes in the film, most notably the riding the bomb shot, and wonder what part of our morbid selves finds this continuously funny. Kubrick looked deep within our souls and found humour in our own darkness.

8. National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) dir. Harold Ramis
The first, and best of all the Vacation films with the Griswolds. Though our own vacations do not turn out so badly, and through all the jokes around possible vacation tragedies and the instances of Murphy’s Law that occur, the deeper story is the satire of what assholes people can become on vacation.

7. Best in Show (2000) dir. Christopher Guest
I do love the mockumentary style of filmmaking, and when combined with such a strong improvisational cast (Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara of SCTV fame), you get a brilliantly funny look at people whose lives revolve around their dogs in hopes of fame. Didn’t some text say somewhere not to place any idols in front of “Him”?

6. National Lampoon’s Animal House (197 dir. John Landis
What do you do when your grades are shocking and you’re already risking expulsion? TOGA! TOGA! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour? Hell No! Regardless of the historical inaccuracies given by Bluto (John Belushi), this film was the framework for my after class existence at this fine post secondary institute.

5. Bowling for Columbine (2002) dir. Michael Moore
Whether you agree or disagree with the political statements made in the film, two things make me keel over laughing each time I watch the film. First, the opening sequence when Moore gets a gun given to him at a bank as a free gift for opening an account. The punchline of the scene is Moore commenting “don’t you think it’s a little dangerous giving away guns at a bank”, as armed bank robberies require a gun usually? The second thing that keels me over is the animated history of America, which is a comedic look at the history of fear in America. And yes, I do realize the tone of the film is far more serious, but Moore does have quite the humourous wit.

4. The Big Lebowski (199 dir. Joel Coen
Just as the rug really tied the room together, the Dude (or Duder, His Dudeness, or El Duderino, if you’re not into the whole berevity thing) ties all the characters in this trippy film together. This film just oozes with story, snappy dialogue, chemistry, and a trippiness I haven’t seen in a film in ages.

3. Clerks (1994) dir. Kevin Smith
Kevin Smith’s debut feature is a brilliant look into the hellish world of a store clerk, to which Smith himself was no stranger. The hell is so well referenced that the lead, Dante Hicks, is an obvious refernce to The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri. Besides, what more hell could ensue AFTER you realize your girlfriend sucked 37 dicks (though not necessarily in a row).

2. Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin - The Untold Story (2005) dir. Pete Michels/Peter Shin
Stewart Gilligan Griffin, arguably the best character devised in the last 50 years, finally in a story devoted almost entirely to himself. Yes, this was a direct to DVD release, but meh. It was so funny I feel like having a sexy party.

1. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) dir. Terry Gilliam/Terry Jones
I know I have a problem now when in retrospective, I see that I could understand the depth of the humour of Monty Python at age 10. Though any Python film could fit the number one spot, I chose the best, the Holy Grail. No matter how many times I see squires banging coconuts to simulate the sound of steeds, the evil killier bunny, or Sir Galahad being “rescued” from oral sex, Monty Python ALWAYS hits the mark.

Well, that is it. Though, for those who feel their films may be smited, I have included a list of honourable mentions which do fit my criteria, which are as follows (without links, as it’s getting late. Deal with it).

The Blues Brothers
Strange Brew
Slap Shot
Airplane
Blazing Saddles
The Odd Couple (196
Ghostbusters
This Is Spinal Tap
American Pie
Mrs. Doubtfire
Fast Times at Ridgemount High
Easy Rider

That is all.

Back to Basics

Auuggghhh. I so can’t wait until this month ends. I can get on the available list again, get a few industrial tickets to get a better paying job this winter, but most importantly, once the bills are paid, I can get back to writing and working towards directing. Eventually.

Anyhow, a few quotes from he who inspires me most…

found at this site:

“The ideas dictate everything, you have to be true to that or you’re dead.”

“The concept of absurdity is something I’m attracted to.”

“I like cappuccino, actually. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.”

“Television provides the opportunity for an ongoing story - the opportunity to meld the cast and the characters and a world, and to spend more time there.”

“I always say ideas are like fishing,”

“It’s so possible, … You have education that brings a student to his full potential, and it’s so possible to set up peacemaking groups to bring peace to Earth. It’s so possible.”

“I would love for the government to step up to the plate and assist us. That’s what I’d like.”

And finally…

“Consciousness, Creativity, and the Brain.”

Oh. And I can’t wait for Inland Empire to be released later this summer.

That is all.

iTunes July 2006 - I promise to post something soon. Really.

1. Viva La Raza - WWE - Eddie Guerrero (1)
2. You Were Always on my Mind - Pet Shop Boys (2)
3. Weapon of Choice - Fatboy Slim (3)
4. Romantic Traffic - The Spoons (4)
5. Give It Up - KC and the Sunshine Band (5)
6. You May Be Right - The Grapes of Wrath (7)
7. Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd (
8. Kyle’s Mom’s A Bitch - Eric Cartman (6)
9. Connection - Elastica (9)
10. Keep On Rocking In The Free World - Neil Young (11)
11. Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots (10)
12. Sycamore Trees - David Lynch and Jimmy Scott (16)
13. Papa’s Got A Brand New Pig Bag - Pig Bag (14)
14. Chemical World - Blur (15)
15. Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths (17)
16. The Lonely Shepherd - Zamfir (12)
17. What is Life? - George Harrison (13)
18. The Globe - Big Audio Dynamite (20)
19. Cannonball - The Breeders (22)
20. Killing In The Name - Rage Against the Machine (19)
21 There’s No Other Way - Blur (21)
22. Crazy Train - Pat Boone (1
23. Zero - Smashing Pumpkins (24)
24 The Bazaar - The Tea Party (25)
25. Sister Awake - The Tea Party (NR)

To remake or not to remake

That is the question.
Whether ’tis nobler to take the slings and arrows of box office misfortune,
Or to take arms against of sea of ideas, by remaking those already proven…

Well, maybe that’s just a wee bit melodramatic. Though, after the latest edition of the MCFAT, I’ve found myself in a minority, yet again. I’m one of only a few individuals who actually didn’t like Peter Jackson’s version of King Kong. Being in the vast minority, I would like to offer this as an addendum, as it seems my readership (all 10 of you) may not get this bit about me. King Kong works technically, has good direction of actors, but I do NOT find the film artful in any way. To artful, I mean that it does not inspire me to think about issues raised in the film in any way. It is not updated to really reflect the current state of the world, as it is set in the same time as the original. The main purpose of this King Kong is to update the visual and sound effects to create a more realistic look to the film. WETA Digital fulfilled this purpose to a T, but showed a total disregard to the true artistic talent from the original. Fay Wray’s acting. Her performance in the 1933 original brought life to a rather off looking stop-motion figure. Naomi Watts was doomed to even try to recreate such a performance.

Mind you, there is a catch-22 to this whole situation. I work as a Lighting Technician in the film industry here in Vancouver. Though I haven’t worked on a remake I’m consciously aware of, I’ve worked on sequels (X-Men: The Last Stand, Scary Movie 4, Like Mike 2), and with the exception of X-Men, I would never pay to see the latter. Most probably, you’d be hard pressed to pay me to watch it. Why? Because, as many working in film, I harbour highly egotistical desires to one day direct, to be one of the big wigs. To which I fear, as the current trend continues, almost every movie will be either a remake or a sequel of something. Instead of 20-30 minute serials, we’ll have 2-3 hour serials of the same movies, over and over again.

* SHUDDERS *

Which somewhat reminds me of MCF’s point in his answers to his own MCFAT:

Casablanca, Spartacus, On the Waterfront, and other classics should stand as they are, with no need to revisit the stories.

Two of the three picks are quite intriguing. Casablanca is a remake of the unproduced play, Everybody Comes to Rick’s, laden with pro-American war effort propaganda as the film was produced in the wake of America’s late entry into World War II. Spartacus, in it’s own right, was the last studio film done by the late, great Stanley Kubrick, who like David Lynch after Dune, vowed never to make another studio controlled production. Luckily, for the pair of odd, quirky, dark filmmakers, the list of classics to follow are timeless.

For Kubrick, Lolita, Dr. Strangelove or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon, The Shining, Full Metal Jacket, and Eyes Wide Shut.

For Lynch, Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Lost Highway, The Straight Story, Mulholland Drive, and soon to be released Inland Empire.

So maybe I’m just a bit paranoid. With the technology in digital video evolving rapidly, creating more professional, cinematic style images, the independent revolution will soon have a second surge. So maybe something good has come out of this waste of celluloid after all, being a total shift of the market to new ideas, and more artful films.

That is all.

True Friendship

Ever get those emails which have a cute Hallmark-esque poem, followed by the phrase “forward this to ten of your friends for good luck?”

Do they ever make you nauseas or compelled you to projectile vomit?

I though so…

In response, this top nine list of promises about true friendship:

1. When you are sad — I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue — I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile — I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared — I will try to calm your nerves, unless it is something silly then I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried — I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused — I will use little words so you can understand.
7. When you are sick — Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.
8. When you fall — I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass, but then I will help you get up.
9. This is my oath—–I pledge it to the end. “Why?” you may ask; “because you are my friend”.

Hat tip to Jake (no site I know of).

That is all.

Water Cooler Episode II - Three prawns are hardly a galaxy

One week later, and still I’m still unloading freezer trucks into cold storage. To which leads more water cooler conversation. And, for the last two days, we’ve been unloading a veritable galaxy of prawns. To which it lead to this piece of trivia about The Simpsons, which taught me I haven’t memorized every episode like I have with Twin Peaks, any David Lynch film, or the Star Wars saga. To which I was asked to identify this quote, which suprisingly relates to prawns.

‘But the menu said “galaxy of prawns”. Three prawns are hardly a galaxy!’

The only hint I received was that it was a guest star playing him or herself. Being fixated on galaxy, I guessed Mark Hamill, Leonard Nimoy, and Richard Dean Anderson, fixated on the galaxy portion of the quote.

Well, I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

The answer?

I’d never guess.

It was Gary Coleman, complaining about his seafood order…

Meh. I can’t always be right, can I? Well, to add my two cents now, I don’t think I’d be too impressed if I ordered a “galaxy of prawns” and only got three. Luckily though, I won’t have that problem, as prawn is not on my desired menu by any stretch of the imagination.

Which is probably why I’m happy the prawn pallets are all done now. Not only do I not like prawn, not only did I move more prawn in the last two days than most people will eat in a lifetime, but also working in -25 °C conditions is not my idea of fun in the middle of summer.

Which brings me to my last snippet. The boxes we were moving were labelled “Prawns Cooked”, in beautiful Shelly Volante font. Prawns cooked? Is this new english? I went to the distributor’s site, to which I found out they sell prawns in packages labelled “Cooked Shrimp”. So, aside from the commercial name for prawn, obviously my sense of grammar is not completely out of whack. To which I get this feeling every time I see “Prawns Cooked”, being cooked in what?

The best thought I’ve come up with yet is prawns cooked in rich, creamery butter, topped off with cheese, ham, bacon, and a fried egg. We call it the good morning prawn.

That is all.

MCFAT Episode XIV - Remakes must all die

Ahh, there’s nothing like time off to recharge the batteries. And, in the long list of blog surfing I must do, I notice that MCF has posted another MCFAT.

Here we go…

1) Friends and family often offer advice or share experiences with the best of intentions, sometimes with the opposite of the desired effect. What are some of your more memorable “you’re not helping…” moments?

No specific moments come to mind, as I’m a bit of a firecracker and just flare up when people get in my way. However, thinking about overall instances, it seems to me to be that that “other party”, family or friend, just doesn’t seem to take the time to get to know what’s gone on until it’s too late. I’ve got to work on my short fuse, but as well I should try to open up more and take things easy.

2) You enjoy this actor’s work, but many people just don’t get it. Who is it?

Okay, why does this have to be an actor. There is a director as well, to which I will add a second bit about.

First off though, is the actor. And that actor happens to be Don McKellar. For those of you not familiar with Canadian films, and this goes to many readers in Canada as well as abroad, we do not have a studio system in place strong enough to finance Canadian film production, so the government has instituted a financing program for feature length films called Telefilm. Amongst many requirements, films funded by Telefilm must have a very distinct Canadian flavour to them, which is graded on a point system. This requirement tends to explain as to why many Canadian films have constant insert shots of the CN Tower, Canadian Flags, people ordering ridiculous amounts of maple syrup and beer, and overstating locations by adding not only province (which to most Canadians is redundant already), but as well making damn well sure they say Canada too (i.e. Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada… where most Canadians will say Burnaby and that’s all we’d need).

Well, with all the artistically sound but financially disatrous Canadian films released in the last decade or so, one name seems to be attached to them all. Don McKellar. As a heads up to a film you MAY have seen McKellar in, he was Yevgeny Nourish in eXistenZ. Yeah, that much of a standout. He rarely seems to star in films, but in his supportive roles, he nails the part every time. It is nice to see strong Canadian talent work to develop the industry here rather than flee down south for the greenbacks.

Secondly, as to the Director, my pick should not surprise any of the consistent readers here. David Lynch. I can’t say much more than this without creating major strain in my fingers from overtyping. He is sheer genius.

3) In general, when it comes to movies, are originals better than remakes, or vice versa? Feel free to cite examples that support either or both positions.

Originals. Period. In my eyes, there are very few movies that even should be considered to be remade. Being a film purist, I agree with the thoughts of my scripts professor from film school. The only justification, artistically, for a film remake is if a film is updated to reflect the current times. Too many remakes aren’t engaged as an artistic remake, but rather taking a story and a formula known to work, and populate it with current actors who are proven box office draws. Why not theatrically “re-release” old classics, digitally re-mastered to make the image and sound crisper, cleaner, and stronger? Simple. Art has taken a back seat to pop culture. How sad.

As for some examples of films that are remakes and irk me, consider the following.

Psycho (199 . A supposed “frame by frame” remake of the original Hitchcock classic, with none of the tone, tension, or shocks. What a waste of celluloid.

King Kong (2005). A 187 minute extravaganza to show how potent WETA digital is in comparison to ILM. We have already seen how powerful WETA is. Lord of the Rings. All respect I had for Peter Jackson utterly disappeared with this over the top bit of blatant self promotion and money grab.

Star Wars Special Edition. Though not a technically a remake, Lucas’s tinkering with scenes for the most part hurt more than helped the overall effect. Exclusions are the battle above the first Death Star, recreating most of the special effects shots digitally, digitally re-assembling the Hoth battle to get rid of the dreaded transparent Snowspeeders. Borderline goes to the addition of the Jabba the Hutt scene in A New Hope, as the scene gives dramatic importance, though the digital Jabba is an eyesore. If Lucas likes to fiddle, fix this please. And keep Greedo from shooting first.

4) If it were scientifically possible to live on any other planet in our solar system, through the development of faster-than-light travel and genetic enhancements or protective suits, which planet would you choose to live on?

Mars would be my choice, though I will stay within the realm of currently understood physics to stick with my choice, as faster than light travel really only exists within theoretical concepts discussed by Stephen Hawking and every Treknology geek, and with genetic enhancement, I have my doubts as to it’s long term feasability in a post-conception application. Mars is relatively close to Earth, and as well I just think the atmosphere on Venus is just too stuffy, as it would probably make me feel like I did when I was smoking, and my breathing was not 100%.

5) Who would win in a war: Hobbits or Smurfs?

Smurfs. Nothing evil can ever kill them. Especially evil, nasty, filthy Hobbitsessssssss. They stole the preciousssssssssss from ussssss.

That is all.

Water Cooler Conversation

It’s just a little bit of an understatement, seeing as the water was in the form of ice, and cooler should read freezer, as I spent the better part of today in -18 degree climate, unloading rigs of seafood onto pallats. Well, so long as the Canadian dollar is strong, film work is weak, and thusly I must do what is necessary to pay the rent.

Luckily, I had the pleasure of spending the last two days of work with a delightful chap hailing from out east like myself. And, seeing as the labour itself doesn’t require too much mental capacity, the time was filled with a plethora of discussion on a variety of topics.

Now that we’ve seen two full seasons of the new Battlestar Galactica series (which, incidentally, is shot right here in sunny Vancouver, British Columbia), it is one of the few remakes that seems to have worked artistically, as the original series seems a lot cheesier in comparison.

Speaking of cheesey sci-fi from the 70’s and early 80’s, Buck Rogers is so cheesey that it makes the Batman series from the 1960’s seem like Shakespeare in comparison.

Ishtar is by far and away the worst movie ever made. And as a teenager, I paid $2.25 at the theatre (on cheap night) to see it. And I was ridiculed today for it too. Meh.

World War II started in September of 1939, not December of 1941. This was not an issue of debate, but rather a sad look at a small group of differently brained friends down south who decided to stir shit on this post by a good blogger, the Martian Anthropologist. Mind you the post wasn’t about the dates, but rather that Bush is less effective than FDR in ridding the world of it’s current incarnation of evil. What is amusing is the misrepresentation of their “facts”, and calling the actual fact semantics, and trying to prove their point in the process. Sounds a little too much like religion to me.

How it is the typical medical standard to perscribe drugs such as legal barbituates to help with drug addiction problems with illegal street barbituates. That doesn’t conquer the addiction, but rather just replaces one chemical with another similar chemical, now legal. Does the government want to be the new dealer on the block?

Why on earth did Lucas change A New Hope to make Greedo shoot first?

How sad is it now that they are remaking James Bond films?

With some of the people I’ve worked with doing temp work, it is a refreshing change to have someone to banter with on the job.

As for me, and after this post, will be away for a period of time, but never fear, I shall return.

That is all.

I’m going to be published

Well, as it seems. A photograph I have taken has now been selected to be published in an upcoming book. And without further adieu…

And, as Dawn will no longer let me say I’m a shit photographer, I decided to take my digital camcorder and play around with our plants to get a few pictures.

Here we go….

That is all.

Professionalism

According to Oxford:

Noun: the competence or skill expected of a professional.

Dictionary.com gives the following:

Noun: 1. Professional status, methods, character, or standards.
2. The use of professional performers, as in athletics or in the arts.
3. The expertness characteristic of a professional person.

Now, to completely beat this horse to death…

Zinedine Zidane’s agent today told BBC Five Live Sport “He told me Materazzi said something very serious to him but he wouldn’t tell me what…” The “what” that Materazzi has said has been speculated towards, even on a blog I frequently read. As to what’s been officially on record, it is believed Materazzi insulted Zidane’s family, as well as allegations that Zidane was called a diry terrorist.

I seem to remember this little rhyme from my childhood, about “sticks and stones”. I’m sure you get the flow. Whatever Materazzi called Zidane, nothing would provoke a true professional to do that. A sixteen year professional athlete must have experienced some trash talk in his or her career, and being a professional, would definitely know how to handle himself or herself in the face of that adversity, and would definitely know the consequences by this stage of his career of headbutting an opponent, definitely in such an important match.

As such, it definitely appears as Zidane does not have a professional bone in his body, and one day after his career, he and his agent have earned one more additional

That is all.