A Golden World

I’m a screw up. Try to keep that in mind.

Archive for February, 2007

Bert wants to golf early

Posted by Jeff on Tuesday, 27 February, 2007

Or maybe it’s just Bert gets to golf early. Yup, perennial Canuck rival, the Detroit Red Wings, have traded with Florida to get ol’ Todd Bertuzzi in the lineup for yet another run in the postseason. But, sadly, based on Detroit’s recent track record, Bert will get better just by the start of the playoffs, Detroit will be out in six, Bert will get to golf all summer, and in a surprise move will sign with Vancouver for the 07/08 season. Nothing like another useless player rental by a team with too much money to know what to do with it.

Go ‘Nucks Go!!

That is all.

Posted in Hockey | 2 Comments »

Who woulda thunk it

Posted by Jeff on Monday, 26 February, 2007

But the Canucks are alive and well in the hunt for The Holy Grail. Yes, even for myself, I lost the faith. Like many Vancouverites, I felt David Nonis was assuring himself a key to the city by single-handedly prevented Stanley Cup riots for the next decade or so. But alas, one day from the trade deadline, and here’s how we stack up. First in the Northwest, and thusly, the third seed in the West. One hell of a hot goalie in Roberto Luongo. And now, a strong piece of the defensive puzzle returning to the city of eternal rain.

Sadly, this defensive puzzle piece is NOT Ed Jovanovski. Damn you Gretzky for luring him away. Shame on you. But seriously now, Brent Sopel now returns to Vancouver. Short term rental, or permanently relocated to Vancouver? Well, time will tell, though in preliminary interviews, Sopel himself stated his family was overjoyed to return to the city they never wanted to leave. The beautiful part of this equation? Sopel turned 30 this year, the magic age for defensemen.

With a world class netminder, Vancouver may go very, VERY deep into the playoffs this season. And keep this in mind. Vancouver entered the NHL in 1970. 12 seasons later, in 1982, they made their first cup appearance. Another 12 seasons later, in 1994, they made number two. Though the math in the years doesn’t work out due to the lockout, this season is the twelfth since.

Could this be our season? Though it’s still a longshot, I’ve always had faith in strong, Quebec born netminders. Roy, Brodeur, now Luongo?

That is all.

Posted in Hockey | No Comments »

Just over a month to go

Posted by Jeff on Sunday, 25 February, 2007

And Tuxedo Travels will take off. Still confused? Watch this:

More to come soon. Join the email list.

That is all.

Posted in Take The Piss, Video Blog | 2 Comments »

Nine to Five: Myth or Reality

Posted by Jeff on Sunday, 25 February, 2007

You know, looking back at my lifetime employment history, I can easily say I have NEVER worked a job whose hours were 9-5 (well okay, 5:30, for those nit-picky ones). I guess the closest has been 8-4:30. I’ve always been too independent to really have a full time job (even though I have one now as a go between until I can get a film or two off the ground), so I’ve never gotten into the swing of that kind of routine. That and dealing with all the rush hour traffic daily just to get to work would drive me batty after 20 odd years.

However, more recent events have given me just proof that 9-5 just doesn’t work anymore. Most recently, as I have whined, whinged, and moaned about on this blog, I had a HELL of a time getting my bloody headlamp working on my car. And, being pulled over by the cops not once, but twice for the irritating electrical issue, my hand was forced to have it fixed and shown to the authorities before they took action.

Well, after being fixed at the 11th hour, I had all of one day to show the cops. To my dismay, however, the cop shop is only open 9-5, Monday to Friday, no evenings, no weekends. Luckily enough, my normal 8 hour workday ends at 3:30 PM, which gives 1 1/2 hours to dodge traffic and get to the cop shop. And as luck would have it, it took me 1 hour 25 minutes to get there through lovely traffic conditions to ensure I don’t wind up with an impounded car and a whopper of a ticket. Though I’m left with the thought. What do people do who work a more 9-5 schedule (ie those with office jobs downtown)? Must they use a sick day to have someone look at their lights for five seconds?

Though with the police, it’s a more urgent matter getting fines and notices sorted, when couriers deliver parcels to residences, and it’s obvious that most residents would probably be working during the day, that maybe having extended depot hours may be favourable to be a convenience for people to ACTUALLY PICK UP THEIR PARCELS. This concept sadly is lost on Purolator. When Dawn and I moved to our current address, our new internet company chose to send our high speed modem via said courier company. With Dawn sat at home in tow waiting for the delivery, sadly she did not hear them ring the very functional buzzer. But, aside from Purolator’s lack of reading skills to find out my buzzer code is my apartment number, their depot in Surrey is only open, ready for it, 9-5:30. Monday to Friday, no weekends. To all of this, I just wonder this:

JUST HOW MANY SICK DAYS DO THESE FUCKING GITS THINK WE HAVE ANYWAY?

I mean, couriers are in a service based industry. From my experience, service industries are more than just nine to five. Needless to say, once again I had to race like a madman to get my parcel before it was returned to sender. Once my film work really takes off, I can just as easily say I’ll never, EVER use Purolator.

Well, this past week, UPS pulled the same prank of not buzzing us to drop off a care package (read more of my books and my rollerblades) from Mom back east. Dawn clearly at home, waiting, with no buzzer. Our running theory? They came just as the office closed (which was confirmed by UPS customer service), buzzed the office with no reply, and left the sticky note. Luckily for me, their depot is open until 8PM. Wow, flexibility with a courier. I tell you though. The 9-5 mentality of Purolator is going to cost them a load of customers in the long haul.

That is all.

Posted in Rant | 8 Comments »

Oscar night. Big fat hairy deal.

Posted by Jeff on Saturday, 24 February, 2007

I posted earlier about these, but I do feel I need to review the list before the in club decides to snub talent yet again. Being in the industry just so happens to give me that compulsion. Before I cork in, I would like to highlight my very few picks I would like to see win:

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
The Black Dhalia

BEST PICTURE
Little Miss Sunshine, though there are several films I would have like to have seen nominated instead of Babel, The Departed, or The Queen.

BEST WRITING, ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan - This film also deserves at least a Best Picture Nod, as well as Best Actor for Sasha Baron Cohen.

Now, for the snubs. I actually hate going after the foreign language films, as I usually find them very strong and quite enjoyable. Mind you anything is more enjoyable than the typical fare rationed out by Hollywood these days. Bearing that in mind, I do feel Fearless deserved a nod in the Best Foreign Language Film category.

Two other films deserved recognition there also, though amongst other reasons, their incorporation of large amounts of English dialogue may disqualify it from this category. I do speak of course about Bon Cop, Bad Cop, and The Rocket. Personally I feel they could compete for Best Picture also, but of course, not being in with the Hollywood status quo, get there snubs as per usual. For all those Canadian films, how about opening a new category. Best Foreign English Language Film.

And to it, I have a list of nominees:

Bon Cop, Bad Cop
The Rocket
Trailer Park Boys: The Movie

To the latter, I would also like to add one last nomination, John Dunsworth to the category of Best Supporting Actor. Sunnyvale Trailer Park supervisor Jim Lahey is one of the most brilliantly crafted characters ever.

That is all.

Posted in Film, Rant | No Comments »

Truer words have not been spoken

Posted by Jeff on Monday, 19 February, 2007

Various quotes I’ve run across this week:

“I’m not anti-Bush, I’m pro-intelligence.” - author unknown

“America touts itself as the land of the free, but the number one freedom that you and I have is the freedom to enter into a subservient role in the workplace. Once you exercise this freedom you’ve lost all control over what you do, what is produced, and how it is produced. And in the end, the product doesn’t belong to you. The only way you can avoid bosses and jobs is if you don’t care about making a living. Which leads to the second freedom: the freedom to starve.” - Tom Morello, Rage Against the Machine

“Don’t feel sorry for Spenny, feel sorry for me, having to waste my life crushing him.” - Kenny Hotz

“You know, I thought nothing brought out my anger worse than dealing with brain dead morons driving on the same roads as me in downtown Vancouver. People cutting me off, making me hammer the brakes, and forcing me to drive a 3-ton truck through the eye of a needle in an alley. I thought that was stressful. Then I went shopping at the Real Canadian Superstore. And it hit me. People walk worse than they drive.” - Jeff Vickers

That is all.

Posted in Quotes, Rant | 2 Comments »

Utterly shocking

Posted by Jeff on Saturday, 17 February, 2007

I can’t believe the result of this Family Guy Quiz I took:

I am Stewie

Okay, maybe I can. I’m bored. Can you tell yet?

That is all.

Posted in Meh-me, Take The Piss | 1 Comment »

Fuck you Friday

Posted by Jeff on Friday, 16 February, 2007

What a fracking cock-knocker of a week. And when I say week, I really mean two 12 days, as last weekend really wasn’t any sort of break whatsoever. As some may have been privy to already, or figured out from bits on posts here, my headlamp on my car went out, and I had a police mandate to have it fixed by today. To make a long story short, the ground was kakked to hell, I had a new one hardwired, and problem solved. However, it took nearly two weeks to diagnose. And several hundred dollars. For a fucking headlamp. Let’s just say I’ll never, EVER go to Marine and Byrne Crappy Tire for service again. Fuck, I paid them over $100 to tell me the lamp wasn’t working. What a bunch of fucking twats.

So, as such, I’m inspired to give a fuck you to all those who seem to have it in for me. To get a sense of my tone for this fuck you, please refer to Kenny Hotz’s exclamation upon winning the Arm Wrestling Competition on season 3 of Kenny vs. Spenny. Not that I’m endorsing it, but it can be found via YouTube.

1. Manchester United

This video says it all…

2. Christian Fundamentalists

I found this link on Nugget’s site, and collapsed in fits when I read it again, and again, and, well, soforth…

My favourite sign you’re a Christian Fundamentalist?

7. Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!

I’d also like to add that you wouldn’t flinch when those pesky Crusades are mentioned, or being reminded of how many were tortured and killed because they suggested the world was round.

3. Pimps (aka Temp Agencies)

Your uppance is coming. Having fucked with me has put your face in my sights, and will propel my film career while destroying your pimping empire. Klingons were right. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Ah, that felt good.

That is all.

Posted in Rant, Take The Piss | 4 Comments »

Happy Hump Valentine’s Day!

Posted by Jeff on Wednesday, 14 February, 2007

This song (advertising Durex Hump Day) has been going on in my head for ages now. And seeing the sheer magnitude of this day, I had to share it:

Hump day, oh hump day,
You are what we seek.
Smack dab right there
in the middle of the week.

Single or married,
At the game, or ballet.
Durex wants you to have sex
On this glorious day.

We wish and we wish,
That you would come sooner,
So we can leave work,
And go home for a nooner!

Have a happy hump on this Valentine’s Day.

That is all.

Posted in Take The Piss | No Comments »

Valentine’s Eve

Posted by Jeff on Tuesday, 13 February, 2007

Yes, for all you last minuters out there, here’s an idea that’s sure to save money on the commercialized holiday known as Valentine’s Day. Now bear in mind even note passing has become all to impersonal in the digital age, nothing brings back the personal feel like a hand-written Valentine’s Day card. Just get some coloured paper, crayons, and you too can have a warm, heartfelt keepsake for the one special person in your life.

But the homemade feel is not enough. What really trumps the effect is having the right things written. We at A Golden World have come up with the following suggestions:

You become pretty when I’m drunk. Happy Valentine’s Day

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Are the Canucks playing tonight?
Happy Valentine’s Day.

Or, if you just miss the date:

Sorry I missed it…
I had to work late…
I had minor dental surgery…
I thought it was the 17th (I mixed it up with St. Patrick’s Day… God, I must have been drunk that night).
Any way you look at it, HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY! Can we shag now?

Ed.’s note: I will not be held liable for anything happening to individuals who try to use these. Luckily though, Valentine’s Day lands on Hump Day!

That is all.

Posted in Take The Piss | 3 Comments »