A Golden World

I’m a screw up. Try to keep that in mind.

Archive for March, 2007

I hate people, and reasons why the world is my Spenny

Posted by Jeff on Thursday, 29 March, 2007

Say hello to my little friend

Say hello to my little friend!

Okay, maybe that was a little over the top. But on to Todd soon enough.

Maybe the best way to start this post is to ask this question. Let’s say, for some testicular, absolutely illogical reason, you got into this contest about how long you can stay handcuffed to a friend of yours to whom you are [supposedly] good friends, and the winner got to make the loser do something completely humiliating. Most Canadians here should know where I’m going with this. And I’m sure the title of the post might tip you off. But I shall continue none the less. Would you try to drive your friend mental, get on his/her nerves, push them to the brink of insanity that the humiliation would be less annoying than your tactics? Or, as a puritan, would you just sit there and endure whatever you have coming to you, ever hoping for a draw, almost like you have given up once you started?

Alas, it was this immortal question that sealed my fate as a Kenny fan on Kenny vs. Spenny. Aside from the glaringly obvious fact that Spencer looks like David Schwimmer with Downs syndrome, Spenny is just plain boring. Kenny brings all the panache to the show. But it was Spenny’s strategy that sealed it for me being a fan of the Hotz.

Aside from using Vick’s Vapo-Rub to try to neutralize the odour factor from Kenny, and playing the Kazoo for five minutes to TRY to make Kenny quit, Spenny had NO STRATEGY. None. He had to know he wouldn’t expect Kenny to quit with no motivation, so Spencer was hoping for the ever elusive draw. If I was in that contest, and standing to reason I have at least half a brain, I would try loads and loads to drive Kenny mad. But Spencer didn’t even try after his big Kazoo plan failed. Which leads to Kenny’s summation of Spenny near the end of the episode.

“You don’t even try. Playing a Kazoo for five minutes was your plan? So now you’re just going to sit here and take it? That’s why you always lose Spenny.”

Now mind you, that quote is probably highly paraphrased, but it makes a bold point. Spenny tries nothing. He just sits there and takes Kenny’s punishment. Now Dawn claims that strategy to make Spencer quit is cheating, but I digress. Is intellectually driven effort cheating? What would you do in said circumstance. I know I would go to any length to force my opponent to quit, and expect the same effort in return. If that’s cheating, then so be it, but I refuse to be a whipping boy like Spencer Nolan Rice.

Which is where Todd comes in. Now, no, he doesn’t look like David Schwimmer with Downs syndrome, but his initial take on some of my radical ideas as shown in the previous post reveal some rather disturbing psychological and sociological trends in society, to which none of us are really immune. We are all slaves to commercialism in some way, shape or form. We prefer convenience to truth, to responsibility, to action. We are willing to sell our rights and freedoms in exchange for a false sense of security. Read the post. Well, read our comments. They ooze with subtext. But one message is truly clear.

We all, at some point in our lives, have sat (or are sitting down) and taking this straight up the ass, like Spenny takes it from Kenny. We must all be more Hotz-like to effect any change.

That is all.

Posted in Rant, Take The Piss | 19 Comments »

Absolutely disgusting

Posted by Jeff on Sunday, 25 March, 2007

Since the Canadian East actually has a cap, it’s plain disgusting we’re paying this for gas today:

Gas Prices 25 March 07

It could be worse. We could live in the UK. They’re paying something like double this.

Auuggghhhh. It’s no wonder I don’t like doing things on the weekend anymore.

That is all.

Posted in Gas, Rant | 18 Comments »

You too could be a Cylon

Posted by Jeff on Saturday, 24 March, 2007

It would explain a lot. How I never fit in. My hyper developed mental and physical acuities. Being able to work with machines better than people. The fact many males in my family look so much alike. Thankfully, I am not. I could never subscribe to a monotheistic base of faith.

But alas, tomorrow night, we have the finale of season 3 (or 3.5 based on the DVD release) of Battlestar Galactica. Amongst the guilt of one Gaius Baltar, we will, according to speculation, learn the identities of 4 of the final 5 Cylon models. David Eick, apparently, has also reveal one of the major cast will be revealed as a Cylon. Thusly, I think he may mean one of Adama, Roslin, Apollo, or Baltar will get the finger point.

Baltar is the obvious choice. Which is why I doubt it profusely. Teasers for the second half (3.5) of season 3 indirectly made me think of Roslin. Possibly, though it doesn’t feel right. The old man or Lee just would seem to be too complicated.

Could Eick have been distracting us? Well, for main cast, we still have Six. Oh wait, we knew about her all along. All bets seem to be off.

Except for this. My guess as to one of the Final Five. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in Battlestar Galactica | No Comments »

Third Person Thursday Meh-me - the 4400 (divided by 100)

Posted by Jeff on Thursday, 22 March, 2007

Jeff found this over at MCF’s site, and seeing as MCFAT’s are rare, and Jeff hasn’t done any MCF Perilous yet, he figured he should give this one a try, with the Third Person Thursday spin. Normal Third Person Thursday rules apply (for those who are asking, follow the link and it will show you). For the purposes of continuing the meh-me along, however, questions will not necessarily be in the third person.

To wit:

1. Were you named after anyone?

The name Jeff does not seem to derive from any source (at least according to his parents), and the only anecdote his parents ever told him was they picked Jeff if their baby was a boy, Jennifer if their baby was a girl. His middle name, [name deleted by author] however, comes directly from his uncle in the Edmonton area, who is a CPGA Pro Golfer.

2. When was the last time you cried?

During a fight with his better half. The two have a very loving, special relationship, though when tempers flare, it can get nasty. Thankfully the frequency of flare ups has gone down considerably recently, for the two.

3. Why are you so fickle when it comes to women?

Obviously this question was not written with Jeff in mind. A better question would be posed to the ladies, asking “Why not Jeff?” Jeff spent the better part of 30+ years being “just friends” until Dawn came onto the scene. Dawn is the lone woman who cannot answer this question, hence why she is with him to this day.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

Being originally from the city named after Mont Royal, Jeff prefers Montreal Smoked Meat over all others. Schwartz’s is Jeff’s restaurant of choice for said delicacy. It’s a shame he lives nearly 5,000 km away from there now.

5. Do you have kids?

No, Jeff does not. Jeff and Dawn, together, have an utterly neurotic cat named Tara, who the pair refer to as their ‘baby’.

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?

Jeff would not. He would choose not to inflict that kind of pain on others, and besides, he hates people (see the posts in this blahg about driving in the city of Vancouver for further proof).

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, not Jeff. Never. Especially not when posting, driving, taking the piss out of people, or commenting on the random or absurd.

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

Jeff does not. At the tender age of two, he had an accidental tonsillectomy, to which he is still attempting to file a lawsuit against the doctors who removed it without his sole permission.

9. Would you bungee jump?

Jeff already has bungee jumped. Twice.

10. What is your favorite cereal?

Since Jeff does not eat much for breakfast at all, he would have to choose coffee. Seven to get up, four more for breakfast. Ahhh, the breakfast of champions.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Jeff just recently got a new pair of steel toed work shoes bought for him from his company, and he realizes he should, though being tired coming home from work, he becomes to lazy to untie them.

12. Do you think you are strong?

Jeff can lift near twice his own weight, though being a miniscule 150 lbs, does feel that pound for pound he is one of the strongest people he knows. He is also very fit aerobically.

13. What is your favorite ice cream?

Jeff’s favourite ice cream is Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked. Jeff drools like Homer Jay after eating this delight.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Jeff notices whether or not they look him square in the eye.

15. Red or pink?

Red. Just like the crimson red of Vader’s sabre.

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

Jeff doesn’t like his anti-social nature. Though it’s in his nature to be individualistic and go against the social flow, he does hate the byproduct that he has few friends.

17. Who do you miss the most?

It’s tough. Jeff has many deceased relatives whom he misses for various reasons, though when it boils down to it, he misses his parents the most. 4,500 km is a long distance to cross on a consistent basis.

18. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?

Jeff is wearing khaki pants, with no shoes, but wearing black, grey and pink skiing socks. Yes, pink. Jeff really could care less.

19. What was the last thing you ate?

Jeff ate breaded and seasoned pork, along with fries.

20. What are you listening to right now?

Jeff is listening to soundtrack music for Battlestar Galactica, in and around Dawn watching the special features for The Devil Wears Prada.

21. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Jeff would be midnight black.

22. Favorite smells?

Jeff likes the smell of Dawn after bathing with Lush products, weed being smoked, and WD-40.

23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Dawn. Jeff really likes his Bluetooth handsfree now.

24. Hair color?

Jeff is a natural blond. In two week-long drunken stupors in 1991 and 1992, Jeff cut his hair into a mohawk, shillacked it straight up, and spray painted it gold, just for the record.

25. Eye color?

Jeff has blue eyes.

26. Do you wear contacts?

Jeff wears glasses for his far-sightedness and astigmatism, but does not feel the need nor vanity to go with contacts.

27. Why aren’t you married?

Jeff hasn’t married because he is still saving to pay for the wedding. And when you’re bride to be’s early childhood memory is Diana’s wedding, it’s a tough one to live up to. Jeff loves his Dawn really :P

28. Favorite food?

Simply put, Jeff would include anything Italian.

29. Scary movies or happy endings?

Jeff abhors of happy endings, as they are highly artificial and not an accurate representation of the real world, so hence, scary movies via default.

30. Last movie you watched?

The Devil Wears Prada, which Jeff watched in intermission to doing this meh-me.

31. What did you dream about last night?

Jeff rarely dreams whilst asleep, so odds are nothing. Jeff however constantly dreams about his future in filmmaking.

32. What book are you reading?

Jeff is reading Roasting in Hell’s Kitchen, the autobiography of Gordon Ramsay.

33. Summer or Winter?

Jeff aime l’hiver, pour le ski alpine.

34. Hugs or kisses?

Jeff loves both from Dawn.

35. Favorite dessert?

Jeff likes nothing better than 12 ice cold Stella Artois after dinner.

36. Do you have any special talents?

Jeff has special talents.

37. What are they?

Jeff can:
1. Wiggle his ears.
2. Can determine the F-Stop for a photograph (or a scene) without the need for a lightmeter.
3. Do shots of hot sauce.

38. What color shirt are you wearing?

Jeff is wearing a navy blue golf shirt.

39. When are you going to start preparing for your move back home?

Jeff is home, so his preperation for his move was in fact nearly two years ago now.

40. What did you watch on TV last?

Since Jeff doesn’t have cable, it would have to be The Devil Wears Prada.

41. What is your favorite sound?

Aside from Dawn’s cutey poutey voice, Jeff would have to say the sound of lightsabres clashing.

42. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

London or Liverpool? Absolutely no doubt there. Jeff will pick a Scouser over a Londoner every time. Thusly, for those lost, the Beatles.

43. What is the farthest you have been from home?

Hmmm. If Montreal is Jeff’s home, then Los Angeles. Now that Vancouver is, it would be Florida.

44. Most likely to respond to this [meh-me]?

Probably Dawn. Jeff doesn’t feel many others on his read list will want to though. Maybe he’ll be surprised.

Maybe.

That is all.

Posted in Meh-me, Third Person Thursday | 9 Comments »

How on Earth did this ever happen?

Posted by Jeff on Wednesday, 21 March, 2007

Less than 10 games out of the end of the regular season, and the Nashville Predators have the best record. Yup. You heard me right. The Nashville Predators. If it wasn’t for the fact they signed Paul Kariya or Jason Arnott, or made that big trade to land Forsberg, they kind of fall into that category of “who plays for them anyway”, unless you are a fan of a team in the Central Division, to which you see the Preds play your hometown team EIGHT times in one season. No wonder they have such a good record. 32 games against sub-par teams.

Now, this isn’t a slight against the city of Nashville, TN. Rather, until the last decade, the only sports I associated with Tennessee, let alone Nashville, fell into the category of the NCAA. Hoops and pussified rugby. Now for the town to get an NFL franchise, I’m struck there is a viable market, and it makes sense to have a franchise. But I’m just not convinced hockey is a viable endeavour for the city of Nashville. To wit:

1. The Predators play the most manly sport on the planet in the Gaylord Entertainment Center.
2. Despite having the best record in the NHL only 9 games away from the playoffs, they stand 23rd out of thirty teams in attendance.
3. Most tragically, they exist on the same side of the border that required the Fox Puck to see the action on television. I wonder if we should tell fans the puck doesn’t glow when you see the game live.

Is it just me, or is yet another Bettman success another resounding failure? It seems the administration under Bettman is as akin to intelligence as Dubya. The only difference is that the President can be voted out. Just as the player’s union has already had, there needs to be a change of guard at the head of the NHL roundtable. And guys, get it right. Pick a Canadian after you proverbially sever the head of Bettman. We actually know hockey.

That is all.

Posted in Hockey | 5 Comments »

My Visual DNA

Posted by Jeff on Monday, 19 March, 2007

Right shame WordPress won’t let me post it through the blog, so as such, just follow the link.

Hat tip: MCF

That is all.

Posted in Meh-me | No Comments »

Canucks beat Wings

Posted by Jeff on Saturday, 17 March, 2007

Loads of penalties, but no fights, Vancouver handily beat Detroit 4-1 tonight.

Wait a minute. That’s not news. It’s simply what is to be expected.

That is all.

Posted in Hockey | 5 Comments »

Sudoku for the Village Idiot

Posted by Jeff on Thursday, 15 March, 2007

See how long this Sudoku takes you:

Sudoku for the Village Idiot

Now compare your times:

Under 3 seconds: Below average
3 seconds - 3 minutes: High School dropout
3 minutes - 10 minutes: Grade School dropout
10 minutes - 15 minutes: US Celebrity
15 minutes - 30 minutes: Stephen Harper
30 minutes - 1 hour: Resident of Hastings & Main
Over 1 hour: George W. Bush

Just remember, no matter how stupid you may be, there’s always someone who is even dumber. Unless you’re Dubya. Then you’re as dumb as pond scum.

That is all.

Posted in Games, Take The Piss | 3 Comments »

I’m turning into Jack Handey

Posted by Jeff on Wednesday, 14 March, 2007

Well, no I’m not. Though his site is brilliant. As for my quote:

Hemmorrhoids are a pain in the ass.

That is all.

Posted in Quotes | 2 Comments »

What a clever idea

Posted by Jeff on Tuesday, 13 March, 2007

Todd emailed me this. It definitely beats my Jerry Seinfeld approach to telemarketers.

Enjoy!

Click here.

That is all.

Posted in Linkage, Take The Piss | No Comments »