The week that wasn’t.

I need a new job. My SDO is officially slam dunking me with enough work for two drivers a day. I do like the overtime, though it’s beginning to take it’s toll on my body. What really takes the piss, however, is that in our deficit of drivers, there is one, with lower seniority, who still gets rediculously light days. Meh.

What really sucks is that I barely can find enough time to fiddle on my Mac. D’oh.

I’m sure Peter is eagerly awaiting my response to our ongoing blahrgument as to whether or not second hand smoke is in fact really carcinogenic. I’m still flabberghasted about this one. SHS, just as FHS inhaled by the fag sucker, contains

Benzo[a]pyrene found in coal tar, one of the most potent cancer-causing chemicals.
Formaldehyde used to preserve dead animals.
Hydrogen cyanide used in rat poison.
Ammonia used to clean floors and toilets.

amongst other harmful agents. Just because someone found a legal loophole in a study that highlighted worst-case scenarios, this does not alter the harmful effects of these agents. So I suppose the pro-smoking, science is full of shit movement going on with our differently brained southern neighbours, we can look forward to teachers smoking in unventilated classrooms, doctors smoking around ill patients, and loads of people lighting up in elevators. This just highlights YET ANOTHER REASON why I’m so happy to be Canadian. We have bans on smoking in indoor (and patios in Vancouver) public places, and hey, I don’t feel the pinch of Big Brother. That’s all I have to say about this. Well, until someone starts debating with me that the smoker actually yields health benefits from smoking.

Moving on, I’ve been seeing more of these bumper stickers around the lower mainland. I think they’re brilliant:

Though I do agree with the action (though it exists more as the lack thereof due to Iraq) to bring bin Laden to justice, we must ALL learn to co-exist to evolve as a species. Here’s a hint. Use Canada’s relationship with Quebec as a base model.

I can’t wait until the Habs and Canucks (my original home and current home) begin this current season’s quest for the Holy Grail.

Dawn has become mildly addicted to the forum on the Canucks site. I do find it highly amusing how ‘wannabe’ hockey fans are debating pre-season games like it’s game 7 of the Stanley Cup final. Here’s a hint. Strap on the blades and play a season. Then start talking. As for the fortunes this season, I think Vancouver has potential to make some noise, Montreal has depth in their prospects, and Detroit is the only team I’ll go on record as being a division champion, as they play in the weakest division in hockey. 32 games of their schedule include Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, and Columbus. Talk about paving the road for someone.

And lastly, 24 November is highlighted in my mind. Razor gets aired. It’s been killer that we have to wait this long. Even worse that season 4 starts in January. I just hope Space actually carries it on the same day as SciFi.

That is all.

I really have no patience for stupid

Hence why this is the most recent ‘witty’ (well some may not find it witty, but meh) T-Shirt I have:

“I’ll try being nicer… if you try being smarter.”

It boiled into a discussion with a friend here in the Lower Mainland. I have more tolerance for asshole than I do for stupid. And thought the initial conversation was about the absolutely retarded drivers that exist in Vancouver and it’s environs, sadly this post is NOT about the fucking asshole in a small Acura driving the wrong way on Granville St. at W Pender today (24 Sept 07 for those keeping track) at around 11AM PDT, nearly ploughing straight into my truck.

No, this has to do with the complete malfunction of a supposedly evolved sense of grey matter that our species is supposed to have. To wit:

People that think the reason cost of living is so high (which they agree the main factors are property value and oil prices) are directly attributed to the Liberals spending money AND balancing the federal budget.

Employers who believe that lower salaries attract a better quality of person to hire, and higher salaries attract only crystal meth junkies.

People who sit about like a bump on a log and expect me to immediately ignite a conversation without any intelligiable thoughts of their own.

People who think plagiarism is NOT a crime.

(An oldie but goodie) those who claim Run-DMC wrote Walk This Way and Aerosmith covered their song.

People who have the internet but don’t ever use Google to look things up, then ask inane questions that are easily Googleable.

People who debate basic physics with me.

Well, you get the point. Does anybody actually teach anymore, or are people really getting dumbererer?

That is all.

Newspeak Continued

What a shitkicker of a week at my slavedriving organization (SDO). I’m still obsessed as to what lack of brain cells would ever consider that cigarette smoke, or even second hand smoke, could ever be GOOD for you.

To which I’m reminded of this quote from Denis Leary from his No Cure For Cancer standup routine:

“There’s a guy, he’s English (I don’t think we should hold that against him), but apparently he has this life’s dream — and I say apparently because he’s flying over here with his own money in a couple of weeks to have a Senate hearing and this is what he wants to do: he wants to make the warnings on cigarette packs bigger. He wants the whole front of the pack to be the warning. Like the problem is we haven’t noticed yet, right? Like he’s gonna get his way and smokers around the world are gonna be going, “Yeah, Bill, I’ve got some cigarettes — [Noticing warning on pack] Hey! Wait a minute. Jesus Christ. These things are bad for you! Shit, I thought they were good for you. I thought they had vitamin C in ‘em and stuff.” [Slams pack loudly onto stool]

You dolt! Doesn’t matter how big the warnings are. You could have cigarettes that were called “WARNINGS”; you could have cigarettes that come in a black pack with a skull and crossbones on the front called “TUMORS” and smokers would be lined up around the block saying, “I can’t wait to get my hands on these things, can you? I bet you get a tumor as soon as you light up.” It doesn’t matter how big the warnings are or how much they cost. Keep raising the prices. We’ll break into your houses to buy the cigarettes, okay? We’re addicted. It’s a drug.”

Sadly, it’s appearing more likely that people actually need this warning now to tell them that smoking is bad. Doesn’t anybody teach anymore?

That is all.

Newspeak for the 21st Century

I have a confession. I love Oreo Blizzards at Dairy Queen. So much so that I decided on a non-credit experiment in university. I wondered if I could last a full week eating nothing but them. Sadly after a few days, the experiment failed, and to add insult to injury, I was incapable of getting the TV remote when a housemate changed the channel to Barney. The sheer anguish I suffered was proof my experiment was a failure.

Needless to say, I knew I wouldn’t last the week. I knew this was VERY far from a healthy eating choice. I was just bored. Now bearing this in mind, one can probably sense the irony I felt watching Super Size Me for the first time, just over ten years later. However, going into the film, the basic thought I had going in was something to the effect of:

“Isn’t the premise of the film pointless? We all know McDonald’s is the furthest thing from maintaining a healthy diet?”

Morgan Spurlock’s documentary definitely proves this point in the most stunning possible way with his 30 day lip and ass burger diet. Is it any wonder well reknowned chefs all plug fresh, local ingredients? Not only is it healthier, fresh ACTUALLY TASTES GOOD. They don’t have to lace it with sugar to addict you. What a novel concept, eh?

You can imagine my surprise when last year when a co-worker, being a self-professed card carrying Conservative and Ralph Klein fan, made remarks to the extent that “Mr. Spurlock is just as BAD a liar as Michael Moore” and that “McDonald’s is a healthy, reccomended by health agencies.”

Excuse me, as even a year later, this throws me for a loop.

WHAT THE FUCK

Yup. An Edmontoner (I don’t know if we should hold this against him) Leslie Sayer did his own 30 day binge. And his final results (in terms of body mass and various medical tests) were the opposite of Spurlocks. So what’s the difference? Was Spurlock the fraud, or was it something else. Reading Les’ site shows the difference. Spurlock consumed LITERALLY NOTHING, including water, unless it was purchased at the Golden Arches. He also discontinued his excersise regime, and attempted to match the ‘average level of excersise’ of the average American. Sayer, however, continued with his multivitamins and excersise plan.

Conclusions? Obviously these are two different experiments. But thinking it through, one thing is clear. McFood, with probably a few exceptions, provides very little nutritional value. So to base a diet on it, like an Oreo blizzard, would be foolhardy at the least. But on an occasional visit, probably not too bad. Mind you, for myself, I cringe at the thought. Luckily I’ve turned Dawn onto Greek food, and we can have fresher food at Opa! as opposed to the fast food alternative.

But it doesn’t stop here. Now rightist pundits down south are whinging about anti-smoking legislation, waving their arms around saying that the unconstitutional removal of freedom for property rights, that the scientific evidence of the carcinogenic nature of second-hand smoke is fabricated, and that such violations towards constitutional freedoms will lead towards an Orwellian end.

WHAT THE FUCK? Put simply, in newspeak so all can understand, this is ungood.

Let’s just look at it this way. And bear in minds Occam’s Razor:

“All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the right one.”

Hmmm. Property rights. Fair enough. In a private property, the owner of said should have authority as to what can or cannot be done on their turf. Hence why here in BC landlords can be stringent on a No Pet policy (other provinces the legislation isn’t so rock solid). Hence why I live in Surrey. But the other provinces raise a point. When private property, in this case for commercial enterprise, open their doors for the public, it seems a grey area arises. At what point does a potentially dangerous, gaseous chemical cease being a violation of private property rights and becomes a public threat? Now fair enough, people can choose to not visit said establishment, but as the number of non-smokers is clearly larger than that of the fag suckers, at bare minimum is it wise to allow smoking in an establishment based solely on an economic perspective?

So then the argument is raised about the “factual” nature of the dangers of second hand smoke. Apparently the facts provided by the medical establishment were askew. But think of this. A smoker, while smoking, intakes carcinogens. But people in his immediate vicinity, subject to smoke from the same fag, do not? So what, does the filter make the fag carcinogenic? I don’t fucking think so. The simplest explaination is that it is a volume perspective. Non-smokers breathe in less, so therefore the risk for cancer/other disease is lessened. A bit. But frankly, even if second hand smoke kills at least one non-smoker, should that not be a concern?

But I guess, in the eyes of the conservative, keeping an industry whose profits are made primarily on an addictive chemical that leads to pain, suffering and death is worth the lives of the many it claims. After all, supporting tobacco thusly keeps the spirit of American freedom that has lived for two centuries. Not that the Patriot Act or anything of the like takes away further core freedoms than does a simple smoking by-law. What strange neighbours we have south of our border.

Thank the Gods I’m Canadian!

That is all.

The Joy of Work

I haven’t posted for a few days. Work has been running me down some. It also seems this new computerized system we have at work neither adds nor subtracts from the task portion of our day, but rather just gives management another device to turn the workplace into Orwellian Oceana. And this is supposed to be progress?

On the brighter side, I’ve been re-reading The Joy of Work : Dilbert’s Guide to Finding Happiness at the Expense of Your Co-Workers, which brings me the same mirth levels as Dogbert. And I have been inspired. Sorta. Well, start reading the book (I’ve only progressed 1/4 of the way for re-read #3). As such, I have the ironic Work Word of the Day^TM

EQUIVOCATE - v

1. To use equivocal language, especially with intent to decieve: LIE.
2. To avoid committing oneself in what one says.

Used in a sentence: Management did equivocate when building support around a supposedly more efficient system.

That is all.

The best of the small screen?

29.97 fps interlaced. 25 fps if you’re not in North America. Television. Tee Vee. The boob tube. The idiot box. Whatever you call it, it has entertained us for more than half a century. Now television has given us A LOT OF SHIT in terms of programming, but every now and then a real gem comes our way. And, in the culture of what is the best, of competition we live in, Time magazine has issued a list of The 100 Best TV Shows of All-TIME (found at MCF).

A lot of great shows are included. Twin Peaks. The X-Files. South Park. WKRP in Cincinnati. Battlestar Galactica. It’s always nice to see some of my all-time favourites make the list. However, with any of these lists, there are, in my viewpoint, some glaring omissions.

First off, how on earth does Beavis and Butthead get picked and Family Guy, the most brilliant animated comedic program miss the cut? Maybe it had to do with success factors. But list author James Poniewozik says in his video blog that it was more about character, narrative, and factors film and art students pine for. Bearing that in mind, how does a show with two teenage morons with the oral skills of a near orgasm three year old beat out a show that for the last seven years, even through cancellation and unprecidented renewal, puts the animated mainstay The Simpsons to absolute and utter shame? And yet, to rub salt into the same wound, Spongebob Squarepants also beats out the Griffins in this list. James, do you watch the show, or are you humour challenged?

A few other US productions would make my list over James’. China Beach, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Dead Like Me, Hell’s Kitchen, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Carnivale, Night Court, and Ren and Stimpy could easily top such fare from the list like American Idol, Arrested Development, The Cosby Show, Felicity, Friends, Gilmore Girls, Pee Wee’s Playhouse or The Real World. But this whole subject is opinion, and James is entitled to it. Just as I’m entitled to my opinion that his taste sucks, as do some of his picks.

Sadly though, as it should not surprise me at this point, is the sheer American tone to the programming. It almost feels that Monty Python’s Flying Circus and SCTV was put on the list to shut people like me up saying “hey, I watch international programmes.” Now both shows would most definitely make my list (if I were to submit my own), but if my guess is right, and dear James is ignorant of Canadian and British programming (as I’m appealing to the anglo audience tonight - sorry Quebec), I suggest the following fare and reconsider the list.

From Canada:

Kenny vs. Spenny
Trailer Park Boys
This Hour Has 22 Minutes
Royal Canadian Air Farce
The Red Green Show
Hockey Night in Canada
Ed the Sock
Da Vinci’s Inquest
The Beachcombers
Made in Canada
Corner Gas
Degrassi Junior High
History Bites
Kids in the Hall
The Nature of Things
The Frantics

And for the UK (and I know this is only a partial list skimming the surface):

Black Adder
Mr. Bean (cripes I can’t believe this didn’t make the US list)
Rainbow
Are You Being Served?
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
The Avengers
Benny Hill
Fawlty Towers
Doctor Who
Coronation Street
EastEnders
Keeping Up Appearences

Doesn’t anyone look outside their own world anymore, or am I just a freak?

That is all.

Confessions of an IKEAholic

For the last couple of months now, I have been officially free of the great evil of the informational world, Microsoft Windows. Being a proud Mac owner, I enjoy many perks. Smoother graphics. Less virii. More user-friendly options. However, there has been one drawback.

I haven’t had a desk. For the last two months, due to the financial constraints of NOT working in film (as work is scarce for me this year), and tied in with having to pay off a big brake job, my wonderful Apple product has made it’s home on my coffee table. Until yesterday.

Yes, Dawn and I went to the most evil place on Earth yesterday, IKEA. I could spend a fortune in there. It took some effort to make the trip a precise military strike. I knew it was a better option to get the desk at IKEA, which we got one of the least expensive there. But a problem persisted.

I still needed a chair. Though I admire Helena Cain’s fortitude and intensity, my knees couldn’t handle being at a desk with no chair. But in the home office area of IKEA, there were no inexpensive chairs that were comfortable. And as Dawn has a folding chair from Zellers, it looked like a second trip to there or a Walmart was inevitable.

Then we went to the warehouse where the unassembled furniture was housed. Sans cart, I grabbed the desk and carried it out of the aisle, where a large banner existed in the parallel aisle, directly in front of us. I found my chair (which is suprisingly comfortable) for only $9.99. Introducing the JEFF:

Talk about being given a sign by a higher power. I just wonder if I can get royalties from IKEA for the use of my name.

That is all.

Point and click is truly for idiots

Yup. As of this coming Monday, the logistics of my current slave driving organization is going paperless. Well, in the sense the drivers won’t be carrying around paper orders anymore. We’re going with a barcode scanner with an interface that looks much like the iPaq PDA Windows system (and it being Windows it should have every unit crash six times daily).

As such, we have to attend a four hour training on Saturday morning. Now there are much better things to do with one’s time on a Saturday than attend a training session (like watch early morning football), but it is overtime, so cha-ching! We have already, though, gotten a copy of the training manual. And, to no surprise, it requires ABSOLUTELY NO COMPUTER SKILL TO OPERATE. Just click the icon, and fill in the blanks. Period. So you know what that means. In addition to getting certification to prove:

I can read a label (WHMIS)
Wash my hands before handling food (Foodsafe)
Know to get out of the way of a moving motor vehicle (Traffic Control Person)
Not ask actors for autographs (Film Set Ettiquette)
Know to check ID (Serving it right)

I now have to be certified to prove I can ‘point and click’. Can you say ‘taking the fucking piss’ yet? Or ‘we have such little faith in the productivity of our people that we have to train them to do the most basic things?’ What’s next? Safe driving technique? A weekend sourjourn teaching us to lift with our knees? Or signing loads of forms to indicate we know to take water out with us daily?

Well, at least the units have ‘net connectivity and WiFi connectivity (as to not get in trouble accessing the bandwidth for my company), so it’s now Starbucks lunches to surf the interweb. I can only surmize how much porn will exist on the units by next weeks end. Mabye the bosses thought of that all along. Just photoblast all the porn we download. It would explain a lot.

That is all.

I never win anything… umm… I mean, I’d like to thank the Academy …

You know, I always thought these blog awards were nothing more than a popularity contest, building even more so on the frail egos of the popular, while trampling on the different and unaccepted. And then something changed. I won one.

Yes, my beloved bride to be Dawn has chosen me (along with two others) as a Blogging Star^TM. So life does imitate art. Awards are fixed so your friends win. It’s finally nice to be on the other side.

As for the rules to this:

A. Display the award on your blog along with a link to who gave it to you.
B. Mention that it originated at Skittles’ Place so Barb can follow it’s journey. (Done and done).
C. Pass it on to any blogger(s) you think should have it.

Now as to my recipients:

First, in the complete argument of picking your firends, I pick my oldest and longest lasting friend. Todd. The anti-blogger. His blahg has been running in idle for near a year, but does very consistently rear his [ugly] head to latch onto some minor bit he disagrees with and clamp down on the bit. So he is a star for his relentless pursuit of the truth over the trivial.

Second, we have Peter. Simply put, though we have our differences of opinion and of view, we seem to find some common ground on most issues. A good model for where we all as people must grow towards.

Third must be MCF. He has the most thought provoking excersises that puts most to all meh-me’s to shame.

And lastly I have to recognize Ombudsben. You have to respect any Yank who has a real appreciation for the great game of hockey.

That is all.

This woman has more bollocks than most men…

I read this quote from Admiral Helena Cain (from BSG: Razor) today, and it just resonates through me:

Helena Cain (to Kendra Shaw): Yesterday you showed me that you’re capable of setting aside your fear, setting aside your hesitation - and even your revulsion, every natural inhibition that during battle can make the difference between life and death. (opens folding knife.) When you can be this, for as long as you have to be, then you’re a razor. (closes knife.) This war is forcing us all to become razors. Because if we don’t, we don’t survive. And then we don’t have the luxury of becoming simply human again. Do you understand me?

Now fair enough it’s fictional, but it represents all the toughness, resolve, and determination I strive to have. And, to be seen in full context, you can see the video here (I have chosen not to embed for those who don’t want to give into the temptation for teasers):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_oVxH-gW-8.

That is all.