Carrot chasing and other diversions

Sadly though, this one lasted well over a year. A good 15 months of being just over broke. Is it any wonder I haven’t been posting my typical lot of tripe on this blahg lately? It’s been more of a struggle maintaining my sanity through the carrot chase, notwithstanding maintaining my health.

The carrot chase really involves this. I get into my petrol consuming device, and in turn for the consumption, I get transported around the local area, pick up square-ish cardboard containers, return to the start point, and unload them. That, in a nutshell, is my ratrace, that allows myself, my lovely bride to be, Tara, and Shitbrick to have sustinance. And with the sheer physicality of it all, I thought that might wear me out soon.

However, it’s the politics of it all that really takes the fucking piss. Because the politics really is degenerating into a war. Put simply, this ‘hobby’ of carrot chasing for, well, carrots (yup it really don’t pay well), simply isn’t worth living in some hybridized Orwellian nightmare. So the decision is made. I’m going to chase a new carrot.

The question is where. After a week of ski, drink, sleep, repeat with the old man, I really got in touch with how much family is important. However, it was a stark reminder of the tragedy that got my ass in gear to get out here. And why. Film. As such, no more shit jobs, things that are completely irrelevant to that point. Sadly, the industry is still slow in these parts. Meh [blows raspberry].

There is one reasonable hope. Getting my electrical trades certification. Aside from providing well paid carrot chasing, the education actually does lead itself back to lighting in the film industry. And the frightening thing… Mom suggested it. Still though, even a lateral move might be just what the doctor ordered. The current state of bollocks that is my carrot chasing life is just that… a total fucking load of bollocks.

At one point I had hope. That one day I’d be holding the stick, not chasing the carrot. But at that time, I was suffering a severe brain malfunction. I forgot the Dilbert Priciple:

…companies tend to systematically promote their least-competent employees to management (generally middle management), in order to limit the amount of damage they’re capable of doing.

And for that reason alone, someone skilled like me could NEVER get ahead in the standardized world of corporate America. I’m not in harms way because I’m not the one causing the harm. Meh again [raspberry again]. For someone skilled like me to run the show, I have to create the show (just as a hint as to where I’m ultimately going).

Twisted Filler Tuesday to return tomorrow.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferreus six.

P.S. Help my city grow and build it’s industry.

No Sunlight Today

Arrive at work before the sun rises, leave after it sets… you know, if I didn’t actually drive for my job, I’d never see the sun until April or so. Not that the sun makes any appearences through the perpetual Vancouver rain clouds.

Which got me thinking about reality programming, funnily enough. Now for me, film school grad and classically educated man, thinks of one thing with reality. Documentary. And not Michael Moore style. Cinema verite. Watch 9-11 or Salesman to get what I mean.

But still, for ‘reality based’ series, there are a few winners. Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (UK), and Hell’s Kitchen to name a few. But none top…

13 straight episodes of Kenny Hotz kicking the shit out of Spencer Nolan Rice, season 4 premiering tonight (in ten minutes, better hurry). Even our differently brained neighbours get the shows now (I think on Comedy Central, though I’m not sure and too lazy to Google it at the moment). Mind you, they’re further edited for language and offensive content, so the best they get is Kenny vs. Spenny light (which is akin to season 1, funnily enough).

As for an outside guess, I say Kenny takes an easy 10 competitions this year. But honestly, how much fight can you get from a punching bag anyway?

That is all.

Liquid sunshine and other observations…

Summer is officially absent now. How can we tell here in Vancouver? Simple. It’s raining. And it will be until April (or so). I do find it amusing how the locals do whine and complain about the near zero temperatures, and the two or three days of snowfall we get. Frankly, those whimps should spend a few winters in North Battleford, Saskatchewan. I’d think they’d be less likely to complain.

With the onset of a brief yet moist autumn, we have the return of the blessed game, hockey. And the ‘Nucks are following last season’s fine early form, giving Bobby Lu absolutely NO support. It seems the skaters are like the knights of the round table from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The puck comes near and the skaters all yell, in unison, ‘run away!’ I’m sure this will bring mirth to Peter as later this week we head to Detroit. Well, if last year is a model, the skaters should find their bollocks by mid-December.

The dollar is still more valuable than our southern neighbour’s counterpart, which leads to a few conclusions. First, filming in Vancouver is still not sufficient enough for me to give up the day job. Second, and more amusing in a karmic sense, maybe all the Canadian players will move back up north as their salaries will be worth more in Canadian funds (and it would be nice for Stanley to make it’s home in a Canadian city again). But most importantly… Canadian merchants can now complain that they don’t want to take the worthless American coins.

Still seething for Battlestar Galactica: Razor. Funny that it has both an air date and a DVD release date, though no release date has been announced for the DVD release for season 3. Maybe Eick and Moore don’t want fans to catch onto the clues that show Roslin, and not Starbuck, is the last remaining unknown Cylon.

Been in Surrey nearly a year now. Aside from the sheer rage of shopping at the StupidStore, I haven’t become a criminal, crack and meth addicted junkie. Maybe the rumours are a little askew…

But alas, we don’t really have that much rain in the lower mainland. It’s just the liquid form of sunshine…

That is all.

A movie made after my own heart

Manchester United
Boston Red Sox
Toronto Maple Leafs

What do these three things bear in common? Well, simply put, they are the three sport franchises I hate more than any. And when I say hate, I really mean HATE. And I’m not an overtly violent person. But these three teams, more than any other force, bring out the worst in my character. I want to see them lose. BADLY.

But which is the worst of all? Man U is the scum of the earth. The Red Sox are bitter division rivals (yup, I’m a Yankee fan ). But alas, when the question is put forth, it is the Make Me Laughs that burn the fires of hate in my soul more than the lot.

But why would a perennial cellar dwelling team be my all time hatred? Should I not feel pity for such incompetence? I mean, put it this way. Man U wins so much it’s sickening, but yet I don’t feel gutted inside if they win the Premiership or the FA. I thought if the Red Sox were ever to win the World Series again it would devastate me, but alas, I dealt with it. But I know, with every ounce of my soul, that if the Leafs ever did, it would be the seventh sign for me. And you know what, it isn’t just about my Montreal roots, either.

I hate Toronto. The city. The state of mind. Hell, the Jays winning the World Series made me vomit (and funnily enough, not from the high volume of CH₃CH₂OH I consumed either). I truly hate the city. It is the anti-me. To wit:

Toronto is the home to the CN Tower. The world’s largest phallus. And every time I think of that erection, I’m reminded of Psychology 101 at Queen’s University. Men who play with long, hard things consistently are usually trying to compensate for their “lack of manhood”, of which all males from Toronto are seriously lacking.

Many anglophonic refugees from Quebec fled to Toronto in the height of the tyranny of one Rene Levesque. Bill 101 drove anglos from Montreal faster than Ex-Lax removes stool from the colon. But said ex-patriots of Quebec soon lost their love for the Habs, and in turn, joined the Borg and became Make Me Laugh fans. And I thought certain elements of Christianity were incredibly disturbing.

Torontonians make themselves to be top calibre hockey fans, when in fact they are just Make Me Laugh fans. And poor ones at that. They deliberately cheer teams that play against any Canadian team once they are ousted from the playoffs, but more disturbing, during the lockout, while the rest of the country showed unprecidented support for the CHL, Leaf fans whinged, moaned, whined, complained, and generally threw temper tantrums like a four year old because ‘hockey had gone’. What a bunch of gits.

Occasionally, my friends from the east inquire as to if I’d move back, to which I utter a resounding HELL FUCKING NO! I hate Toronto. Well, now it seems, I’m not the only one vocal about it. There is a documentary now outlining the hatred for all things T Dot. And, not at all surprising, the city that hates Toronto the most is our dear, wonderful Vancouver. There is no wonder why I feel like this is really my home. And the sweet irony of this all is the film is making it’s premier at the Hot Docs film festival, in Toronto.

I love it when karma is a bitch.

That is all.

Oscar night. Big fat hairy deal.

I posted earlier about these, but I do feel I need to review the list before the in club decides to snub talent yet again. Being in the industry just so happens to give me that compulsion. Before I cork in, I would like to highlight my very few picks I would like to see win:

BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
The Black Dhalia

BEST PICTURE
Little Miss Sunshine, though there are several films I would have like to have seen nominated instead of Babel, The Departed, or The Queen.

BEST WRITING, ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan - This film also deserves at least a Best Picture Nod, as well as Best Actor for Sasha Baron Cohen.

Now, for the snubs. I actually hate going after the foreign language films, as I usually find them very strong and quite enjoyable. Mind you anything is more enjoyable than the typical fare rationed out by Hollywood these days. Bearing that in mind, I do feel Fearless deserved a nod in the Best Foreign Language Film category.

Two other films deserved recognition there also, though amongst other reasons, their incorporation of large amounts of English dialogue may disqualify it from this category. I do speak of course about Bon Cop, Bad Cop, and The Rocket. Personally I feel they could compete for Best Picture also, but of course, not being in with the Hollywood status quo, get there snubs as per usual. For all those Canadian films, how about opening a new category. Best Foreign English Language Film.

And to it, I have a list of nominees:

Bon Cop, Bad Cop
The Rocket
Trailer Park Boys: The Movie

To the latter, I would also like to add one last nomination, John Dunsworth to the category of Best Supporting Actor. Sunnyvale Trailer Park supervisor Jim Lahey is one of the most brilliantly crafted characters ever.

That is all.

Oscars are up again

And all I can think is big, fat, hairy deal. I think I’ve fully digressed to a point where I think about 90% of the fare out there is just a complete waste of celluloid. The only film that really turned my head as a work of sheer genius and innovation was the guerrilla film, Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, and it’s up for only ONE Oscar (best adapted screenplay). Hence why I support independent film and low budget cable television. The story quality is superior, and there’s little to no corporate influence. It’s just a shame the masses are brainwashed to think a remake is better than the original. I guess if we don’t learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it. Just this time, with even worse acting.

I think it’s safe to say at this point that any art the corporates in Hollywood pined to has now been forgotten in the face of greed.

That is all.

Make it yourself Meh-me

A while back, MCF put up this post (well, okay, meh-me) to help identify which of the “102 Movies to see” list found via rogerebert.com we each have seen and what is remaining to see.

Well, I came across this list of the Top 100 Movies of All Time at Total Film, and I like it as a list for one simple reason. I like the pick for the number one movie of all time. So, I’m reworking the previous meh-me as follows:

From the list, bold face the films you have seen previously. Asterisk the films that you own in your video collection.

Now, for the list:

1. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back *
2. Fight Club *
3. Pulp Fiction * (VHS only)
4. The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King *
5. The Shawshank Redemption (I used to own this, but it got stolen when I was broken into one of two times living in Windsor, Ontario )
6. GoodFellas * (VHS only)
7. The Godfather *
8. The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring *
9. Jaws
10. Donnie Darko
11. Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope *
12. The Usual Suspects *
13. The Matrix *
14. Raiders Of The Lost Ark * (VHS only)
15. Se7en * (VHS only)
16. The Godfather: Part II *
17. Gladiator * (VHS only)
18. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
19. Aliens
20. Sin City
21. The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers *
22. LA Confidential
23. Taxi Driver
24. Die Hard
25. Batman Begins
26. Back To The Future
27. Schindler’s List * (VHS only)
28. Spider-Man 2
29. The Big Lebowski *
30. Heat
31. Reservoir Dogs *
32. Blade Runner
33. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
34. Alien
35. X-Men 2 *
36. Annie Hall
37. Léon
38. Casablanca *
39. Apocalypse Now *
40. Memento
41. Jurassic Park * (VHS only)
42. It’s A Wonderful Life (with as much airplay as it gets on television, there is NO need to ever buy this)
43. One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
44. Monty Python And The Holy Grail *
45. The Third Man
46. The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
47. Toy Story 2
48. A Clockwork Orange *
49. Moulin Rouge!
50. The Apartment
51. The Wild Bunch
52. ET: The Extra-Terrestrial
53. Trainspotting *
54. Raging Bull
55. City Of God
56. Stand By Me
57. The Thing
58. Scarface (1983) *
59. Airplane!
60. The Silence Of The Lambs *
61. Blue Velvet *
62. Seven Samurai
63. Citizen Kane *
64. 2001: A Space Odyssey
65. Shaun Of The Dead (Yeah, this one kicks me a bit, but when I’ve wanted to see it, it’s always been overshadowed by something else)
66. Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Black Pearl
67. Close Encounters Of The Third Kind
68. Lawrence Of Arabia
69. Halloween
70. The Searchers
71. Rocky
72. Once Upon A Time In The West
73. Platoon
74. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 *
75. Magnolia
76. The Deer Hunter
77. The Shining
78. American Beauty *
79. Fargo *
80. Chinatown
81. Saving Private Ryan
82. Vertigo *
83. King Kong (2005) (Nope, not seen the remake, and never intend to)
84. Goldfinger
85. The Wizard Of Oz *
86. Dawn Of The Dead
87. Requiem For A Dream *
88. The Terminator
89. Psycho *
90. Brokeback Mountain
91. Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love the Bomb *
92. The Bourne Supremacy
93. The Incredibles
94. Some Like It Hot (I know, I’ve got to see this one for sure)
95. Spirited Away
96. Rear Window
97. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
98. This Is Spinal Tap *
99. Forrest Gump
100. The Exorcist

Well, it looks like my DVD collection still needs some work. Meh.

That is all.

Actually, we’re shooting a tampon commercial

Or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Silver Surfer. Okay, the Silver Bullet. Not this Silver Bullet. Rather, this Silver Bullet.

But to that soon enough. Yesterday I got to work on Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Silver Surfer, constituting the first film call I’ve had in ages. And just as a note to those people who haunt all the Marvel, Fantastic Four, or Silver Surfer forums scouring the net for clues as to what happens in the movie, I would like to state the following:

1. I sign a confidentiality agreement with 20th Century Fox around my knowledge of the final product. As such, I’m not going to provide you spoilers. Anyone who desires to ask me for them will recieve an automatic lifetime ban from comments.

2. I’ve only worked a day on the show. How much could I tell anyway.

Bearing that now in mind, I do have to say there is something quite desireable about working on a high budget feature. They are, in no particular order:

1. Full scale pay rates. $25.14 per hour beats $12-15 per hour.

2. Lifelike set design. To this day, what the set decs, art designers, construction, painting and the like can do with styrofoam and plywood is remarkable.

3. Not only do we get paid full scale, but they also hire loads extra hands than they need. As such, even though it’s still organized chaos, it’s not physically taxing.

Of course, by physically taxing, I really mean there’s loads of standing around (or sitting if you can find anywhere to seat your buns that ISN’T a ballast). Now don’t get me wrong, I like staying busy, but when you work 14 hour days, a little rest in between grunting lights everywhere is well appreciated.

Though sometimes it is right taking the piss. Especially when you get to babysit lights on the street for oh, say, 8 hours. No changes for hours, and hours, and, well, you get the picture. Though you do get to do the PA’s job: crowd control. Well, question answering. Though I did find people ducking around the lights when they were obviously pointed at buildings, trying not to be in shot.

“Erm… the cameras are on the roof, shooting action ON THE ROOF!”

Unfortunately, the questions are more pressing:

“What movie is being shot?” [Fantastic Four]

“But I thought that came out?” [It's a sequel]

“Oh. Why are they shooting it again?” [It's a sequel. A continuation]

“That doesn’t make sense. Who’s in it?” [Jessica Alba is usually the only response I can come up with]

“Oh. She’s hot. Can you get me an autograph?” [She's not shooting today]

“Still, can you get me an autograph?” [By this point I want to extend my middle finger in disgust]

Well, I suppose you get the jist of these conversations. What’s really irritating is when I’ve actually got to adjust some lights, talking on the radio, and a pedestrian takes serious offence when you don’t give him/her your attention over your boss actually asking to execute a simple task at that moment.

Luckily though, I got switched to another set of lights in a back alley. Yay, no pedestrians. However, a faulty light. And no, I’m not laying blame. Adjusting the fixture I linked to and showed an illustration of above, the back door (which unlatches and opens to change globes) popped open, and burned my arm here:

Although I felt a sharp pain, it quickly dissipated until we figured out the latch was loose, held the door in place with a pony clip, restruck the light, and then I had a look at it. Then I could feel the pain. Ouch! Luckily, I had it looked at today, and it seems to be healing quite nicely.

If only I had told passers by that we were shooting a tampon commercial, I would not have had to endure the annoying persistance of questions. As well, if William F. White actually rented well maintained equipment, this might not have happened. But meh. No permanent damage.

That is all.

Back from Sunnyvale… and the Big Dirty

What a difference a little time off makes. After an absolutely shit weekend (which I take full responsibility for), I really needed a much needed break from everything. Well, I didn’t get that until visiting Sunnyvale Trailer Park this Friday evening.

Well, first things second, movie places are dumb as fuck trying to sell us popcorn, dressed all over chips, jallapenno chips, Coke, and hot dogs. Seeing all those images just make me angry as fuck wanting to see the fucking picture already. Shit, I even could tell this big suited fucking brainiacs how to sell more food. Just have Ricky hang out in front of the theatre selling weed, and fuck the munchies will kick in well before the movie starts. And fuck, the added thing you have to think about is the whole reason to go to the movies is to get drunk and stoned with your friends, right? Just like the whole spirit of Christmas bullshit.

Then this fucking trailer just made me fucking laugh my guts out. This Borat guy, from Kazakstein, or Frankenstan, or one of those western Europe countries. I can’t wait until that comes out. That is going to be funny shit.

As for the movie, Trailer Park Boys: The Movie, that is the funniest fucking film I have seen in years. Even with those fuckwits Cory and Trevor in it. I was a little skepticamal at first, reading these reeveews at this Internet Movie Data File thingy, saying that it was a different story, and that Ricky and Julian meet Bubbles for the first time, even though Lahey, the drunk fuck he is, knows they were all friends from their book learning days. Well, those rumours are fucking bullshit. It may not be the same as the TV show, but fuck, Lahey’s still drunk, Randy’s still a fucking no-shirt cheeseburger fucking near pregnant motherfucker, so it’s all good.

Well, it’s time to get off of this oversized calculamatator thing, but I have this message:

GO SEE TRAILER PARK BOYS: THE MOVIE AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

That is all.

P.S. A little knock-knock joke for you.

Knock knock.
[Who's there]
Don’t take.
[Don't take who?]
Don’t take this post so fucking seriously it’s a fucking joke. Jeez, you’re worse than Lahey and fucking Bo-Bandy combined.

That is all.

The one where he asks “What’s in it for me?”

Okay. Not in the true vernacular. But all summer something has been picking at me. And picking at me. And so forth.

Did I actually get a screen credit on X-Men: The Last Stand? Dawn and I did go to see the film on opening night. And to cap it off, I had to make a deal with Dawn (we have a standing agreement that we alternate movie choices when we go out) that she got two consecutive picks if we went to the Surrey premiere. Which were drawn out over the course of the summer, where only a little over a week ago it once again became my pick. So I have to wait for Superman Returns to hit DVD to see that. GRR.

Anyway, we show up that night, buy our tickets well in advance, and hang out at Chapters to run out the clock before we hit the theatre. Fourty minutes prior to screening, we make our way back and to our seats, only to find the only seats still available are in the front rows, looking up. D’oh! Once credits approach, we’re too close and they are running to fast up the screen to catch much of anything. Hell, I missed some of the other lighting techs that I worked with. So, another grey area.

I did have hope though. When I worked at Best Buy, one (and only one) of my co-workers said they saw my name WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. So I have some hope. One week today, the DVD shall be released, to which I’ll be running and screaming to go pick it up. And maybe I’ll watch the film again too. Who knows. If my name hits the credits, I will be providing physical proof.

That is all.