Sudoku for the Village Idiot

See how long this Sudoku takes you:

Now compare your times:

Under 3 seconds: Below average
3 seconds - 3 minutes: High School dropout
3 minutes - 10 minutes: Grade School dropout
10 minutes - 15 minutes: US Celebrity
15 minutes - 30 minutes: Stephen Harper
30 minutes - 1 hour: Resident of Hastings & Main
Over 1 hour: George W. Bush

Just remember, no matter how stupid you may be, there’s always someone who is even dumber. Unless you’re Dubya. Then you’re as dumb as pond scum.

That is all.

Tell It To Me Tuesday - The Friday Edition

Yes, I know, I’m slow on these things this week. But hey, I’m on dial up. Just think of the lag time there.

Anyhow, let’s get down to it:

What are you favorite TV game shows of all time and why?

Wow. What a broad category to say the least. Just by following the memory jog link Janet posted to get us all started, Game Shows now span from traditional trivia and skill games to improv shows (Whose Line is it Anyway?) and of course the dreaded reality programming. Of course I dread reality programming for two reasons. First, when I think of reality programs, I think the term better defines documentary filmmaking, not the insta-celebrity trash that pollutes the already dirty network airwaves. Secondly, it rivals the current state of cinema of wading through the muck to find the gems. And believe me, the gems are few and far between.

But, rant over. Hopefully. And seeing as I’ve broken down game shows to trivia, “reality”, and other, I shall give my favourite example of all three sub-categories.

TRIVIA BASED, TRADITIONAL GAME SHOW

This one is quite tough. I can remember my childhood watching Hollywood Squares, Let’s Make a Deal, and even Wheel of Vanna Fortune, though it quickly dawned on me how dim the contestants were who couldn’t figure out such easy answers. As such, I tended to gravitate to such shows as Jeopardy! and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, as the difficulty of the questions proves quite challenging. I also enjoy watching the Quebec version of Lingo, just to make sure my francais stays in tact. However, I have to say my choice for this category goes to…

Definition. As a game, it’s not much different than Hangman. It is not the game, however, that makes me reminisce about the show. It is the shows use of Soul Bossa Nova as it’s theme. The same song used by the Dream Warriors for My Definition of a Boombastic Jazz Style, and used as the theme to the Austin Powers films.

SO-CALLED REALITY PROGRAMMING

Crikey there’s so much tripe in this category. Survivor. Big Brother. The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Pop/Canadian/American Idol. The list keeps growing, and getting dumber, and dumber, and dumber. Luckily, there is one man who has a reality series who won’t settle for such crap. That man? Gordon Ramsay. And the program? Hell’s Kitchen, of course. Simply nothing beats watching Ramsay tear strips off of cocky wannabe’s who think they don’t have anything to learn. And I can see a lot of Gordon in me.

OTHER

Simply put, this is the category for the miscellaneous. The game shows that defy definition. And the only way I could ever categorize Kenny vs. Spenny. These two do not compete for money. Not for the chance to run their own restaurant. But rather, to avoid self-inflicted humiliation. Humiliations such as being covered head-to-toe in cow manure, performing oral sex on a condom-covered cucumber, and kissing the buttocks and testicles of horse statue. And to see Kenny beat Spenny week, after week, after week by any means necessary, it truly brings warmth to my heart. And truth to Kenny’s description of Spenny as “Jar-Jar Binks with down syndrome.”

That is all.

Impossible Trivia Update

Well, as you may have read in the last Impossible Trivia post, Todd did remember that in August 1994 I went to the product placement festival known as Woodstock ‘94.

For actually having enough living brain cells to remember something from our post-secondary education (Ash and I sure as hell don’t have many brain cells left from our Queen’s days), I award you with a copy of a ticket to said event:

Earlier today, James Mack demonstrated extreme prowess in Google and point and click. Okay, some prowess. He is “grudgingly” declining verbal fellatio in a comment where he tries to stroke his own ego. Let’s do a blow by blow (no pun intended) to see if he deserves verbal fellatio:

Question 2: As of my 21st birthday (which I spent drunk at one of the many institutions in Kingston, Ontario), what major professional sports franchise from North America (NHL, MLB, NBA, NFL) has won the most number of currently recognized championships, and how many had they won at that point?

James’ answer:

The Canadiens, with 23 at the time… I’m guessing at your age.

Is he right? NO. The team is the Montreal Canadiens, though they didn’t have precisely 23 at the time. You know, by playing follow the link, you can actually figure out my date of birth. ‘Tis a shame. 0-1.

Question 3: According to one of the industries I worked for in temporary labour staffing this year, what do the letters IQF stand for?

James’ answer?

Individually quick frozen.

Is he right? YES. Though as a trivial point, it can be found with hit #1 on Google.

Question 5: Name five actors whom I have worked with on set.

James’ answer?

Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellan, Jensen Ackles, Tom Welling, Halle Berry.

Is he right? YES. Is he deserving of verbal fellatio? NO. Why? These five actors can all be found at my About Jeff page. More daring answers would be worthy of verbal fellatio. That list would include (but not be limited to) the following:

Anthony Michael Hall
Isla Fisher
Orlando Jones
Chi McBride
Nicholas Campbell
Joe Flanigan
Rachel Luttrell
James Marsters
Erica Durance
Allison Mack
Kristen Kruek
Michael Rosenbaum
Jared Padalecki

But meh.

Question 6: On the season premiere of Kenny vs. Spenny (the best reality televsion show EVER), First One To Laugh Loses, who is the first to laugh: Kenny Hotz, or Spencer Rice, and what is their humiliation.

James’ answer?

Fist to laugh was Kenny Hotz, and he had to eat one of Spenny’s freshly picked “boogers”.

Was he right? YES. Though his mispelling of FIRST disqualifies this response from verbal fellatio.

Question 7: Name all five actors who played Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader in some form in the Star Wars Saga.

James’ answer?

David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen, Jake Lloyd and Sebastian Shaw.

Was he right? YES. But remember, this was a REALLY EASY^TM question. Sadly again, no verbal fellatio.

Question 8: On last night’s episode of Kenny vs. Spenny, Who do gay guys like more?, who won? Kenny or Spenny? And what was the humiliation?

James’ answer?

Was a draw, Kenny and Spenny each got teabagged

Was he right? YES. Though to be more precise, both Kenny and Spenny lost, as the common gay date bailed and declared no choice between the two. The episode was worth it to see Spenny kiss the guy.

So, James, 5/6 isn’t bad, though the nature of your results do not grant you to even think you deserve verbal fellatio. As such, your reward is this:

Yes, the first image that comes up on Google when you search for “Point and Click”.

That is all.

Impossible Trivia v1.4

Wow. Todd got one right.

4. Recently a friend of mine I had lost touch with broke the long silence by posting a comment to this blog. While at our prolonged stay at a Kingston Institution, we made a trip to New York State in the summer of 1994. Why did we go?

And the answer? To attend Woodstock ‘94.

For answering the question correctly, I’ll post something Todd will appreciate tomorrow.

As for the rest of the gauntlet, here’s what remains unanswered:

1. Name the company who uses the above logo, and also state what they do. Company name MUST be hyperlinked.

2. As of my 21st birthday (which I spent drunk at one of the many institutions in Kingston, Ontario), what major professional sports franchise from North America (NHL, MLB, NBA, NFL) has won the most number of currently recognized championships, and how many had they won at that point?

3. According to one of the industries I worked for in temporary labour staffing this year, what do the letters IQF stand for?

Question 4, as stated, has been answered.

5. Name five actors whom I have worked with on set.

6. On the season premiere of Kenny vs. Spenny (the best reality televsion show EVER), First One To Laugh Loses, who is the first to laugh: Kenny Hotz, or Spencer Rice, and what is their humiliation.

Now, to appease my dear friend Peter, first a hint on question one.

The logo is for a company that is involved with my industry of choice for employment. In fact it even is directly related to my department of choice.

And, since I’ve been so busy as to post this week, I’ll give two REALLY EASY^TM questions.

7. Name all five actors who played Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader in some form in the Star Wars Saga.

8. On last night’s episode of Kenny vs. Spenny, Who do gay guys like more?, who won? Kenny or Spenny? And what was the humiliation?

That is all. For now.

Impossible Trivia v1.3

It seems Peter is the one person out there declaring an effort to get through the gauntlet of questions. And since I’m a softie at heart, I’m adding an easy question this week to give anyone making an effort to answer questions a chance to catch up. Hell, I might start giving Faux Golden World^TM Prizes just to add to those who can answer any questions at this point.

The current gauntlet:

1. Name the company who uses the above logo, and also state what they do. Company name MUST be hyperlinked.

2. As of my 21st birthday (which I spent drunk at one of the many institutions in Kingston, Ontario), what major professional sports franchise from North America (NHL, MLB, NBA, NFL) has won the most number of currently recognized championships, and how many had they won at that point?

3. According to one of the industries I worked for in temporary labour staffing this year, what do the letters IQF stand for?

4. Recently a friend of mine I had lost touch with broke the long silence by posting a comment to this blog. While at our prolonged stay at a Kingston Institution, we made a trip to New York State in the summer of 1994. Why did we go?

5. Name five actors whom I have worked with on set.

And now for this week’s question.

6. On the season premiere of Kenny vs. Spenny (the best reality televsion show EVER), First One To Laugh Loses, who is the first to laugh: Kenny Hotz, or Spencer Rice, and what is their humiliation.

As always, guesses will be held in moderation until next Thursday, so others guesses won’t interfere with those who want to play fair. Hi Todd!

That is all.

Impossible Trivia v1.2

Alas, back from this post two weeks back, absolutely NOBODY tried to answer the question. And since I cannot guage whether it was too tough, or just nobody gives a shit about what goes on here anymore, I’m going to choose the latter for my response. I don’t give a shit whether people answer or not.

As such…

He, or she, who answer all the questions correctly in one week will get a personalized video message from me posted online. And since I missed a week, and missed a Thursday (which, hopefully, will resume on Thursdays next week), I am adding several questions, some hard, some not, to make it up.

The current gauntlet:

1. Name the company who uses the above logo, and also state what they do. Company name MUST be hyperlinked.

And now the added questions:

2. As of my 21st birthday (which I spent drunk at one of the many institutions in Kingston, Ontario), what major professional sports franchise from North America (NHL, MLB, NBA, NFL) has won the most number of currently recognized championships, and how many had they won at that point?

3. According to one of the industries I worked for in temporary labour staffing this year, what do the letters IQF stand for?

4. Recently a friend of mine I had lost touch with broke the long silence by posting a comment to this blog. While at our prolonged stay at a Kingston Institution, we made a trip to New York State in the summer of 1994. Why did we go?

5. Name five actors whom I have worked with on set.

Okay, so three of the questions are really easy. As always, guesses will be held in moderation until next Thursday, so others guesses won’t interfere with those who want to play fair. Hi Todd!

That is all.

Impossible Trivia Revisited

Back when I was still working in hell, I had the sheer joy of listening to CFOX for twenty five minutes worth of a six minute drive (gotta love New West traffic). And I got to keep tabs on Damn Near Freakin’ Impossible Trivia. I loved the concept so much I even blogged about it.

Well, with the awkward hours I’m working these days, I rarely catch it. So, as such, though my questions may not be as damn near freakin’ impossible as CFOX’s, it’s still bloody tough. So as such, I give you

AGW’S BLOODY FRIGGIN’ DIFFICULT TRIVIA

Now, I will follow the same base format as CFOX. A question will be asked. If it cannot be answered, another question will be asked, requiring contestants to answer two questions. Then both are required to be answered. There could very well be a long gauntlet of questions before they are all answered. To ensure high quality trivia questions, each question will be posted on Thursday (hey, the day of this post… waddaya know). To answer, just leave a comment with your answer. Answer comments will be left in moderation until the following Thursday, so NOT to spoil the fun for other participants (Todd I’m looking in your direction).

Since I’m on a nil budget, winners will recieve either a photoshop style button for their blog, a vlog from me congratulating them, or some other props of my own devise.

On to this week’s question:

Name the company who uses this logo, and also state what they do. Company name MUST be hyperlinked.

That is all.

Damn Near Freakin’ Impossible Trivia

Ahh, yes, ten years back, when I joined the work force, one thing kept my sanity on the early drives to work. The former alternative, then progressive rock, now just the cute little edge station in Toronto, 102.1 the edge. Well, a good 4,500 km out of range, and now I must find a new station that plays a lot of my old “alternative” favorites.

Enter CFOX. The music selection rocks, but the contests kick even more ass. During our mild, dry winters (yeah right… Vancouver is monsoon country), we had Naked for the ‘Nucks, where contestants would phone in, from a public location, stark naked (with 3rd party visual confirmation), and then have to answer a trivia question to win Canucks tickets for the game in GM Place that night. Definitely couldn’t get away with that in Toronto. No Leaf fan has that spirit.

Now we have trivia. But not just regular trivia. Not impossible. Just damn near freakin’. We’re at 34 questions (a new question and prize are added daily, to which callers must answer all), and still nobody can answer them ALL.

Can you? Here they are (date question added included):

Mar 30 - It is estimated that 100 million messages are sent WHERE every second?
Apr 3 - Which animal’s fingerprints are most like humans?
Apr 4 - 1 in 9 high school boys does this for money at least once a week. What is it?
Apr 5 - According to a sex poll, 75% of women have asked their ‘partner’ to leave what on during sex?
Apr 6 - Baseball season, baseball question: How many homeruns has Barry Bonds hit after the age of 35?
Apr 7 - This European country has the world’s hairiest women because they only shave their legs and armpits 38% of the time. What country is it?
Apr 10 - How many dogs survived being on the Titanic?
Apr 11 - Lighter than what I’m made of, more of me is hidden that seen. What am I?
Apr 12 - What is the most common plastic surgery for teenagers under the age of 18?
Apr 13 - On this date in 1912, the Titanic sunk… how many lifeboat seats were available for the more than 2,227 passengers and crew?
Apr 17 - What country has the lowest taxes in the world?
Apr 18 - A recent poll had ‘NYPD Blue’ and ‘Law and Order’ tied for Top TV cops as being the real deal. Which old time TV cop show came in second?
Apr 19 - Ounce for ounce, what is the most nutrient-dense, nutritious fruit there is?
Apr 20 - How much money did the original 1894 Stanley Cup cost?
Apr 21 - Where on earth was the hottest temperature ever recorded?
Apr 24 - According to a recent survey, the microwave was voted the #1 innovation for the kitchen, what was #2?
Apr 25 - What TV show theme is this: ‘…When the boys you used to hate you date, I guess you best investigate…’?
Apr 26 - Whose movements and body did computer animators use as the basis for the Gollum character in “The Lord of the Rings”?
Apr 27 - What is the full address for Homer and the rest of the Simpson family?
Apr 28 - Name 2 of the 3 films in which David Spade and Chris Farley both appeared?
May 1 - Who were the 1st European travelers in a hot-air balloon?
May 2 - What is 3 + 3 + 3?
May 3 - A recent poll revealed the #1 thing employees steal is pens and pencils - what is #2?
May 4 - In professional golf, how long - in minutes - does a competitor or caddy have to search for a ball that’s gone astray?
May 5 - What is the most common reason people have for using the OnStar feature in their car?
May 9 - According to the players in Major League Baseball, which city has the best fans?
May 10 - What industry spends the most on advertising per year?
May 11 - According to a recent poll, what is the #1 thing you should NEVER ask a women?
May 12 - Which flower symbolizes Mother’s Day?
May 15 - What is the dust particles seen floating in a sunbeam in homes mostly made up of?
May 16 - What is the largest living creature without a backbone?
May 17 - What is the one piece of sports equipment the average woman is most impressed to see in a date’s car?
May 18 - Which city boasts the largest taxi fleet in the world?
May 19 - On average, from the time a couple goes on a date, it takes 6 weeks for this to happen - what is it?

Bwahahaha!!! That is all.

Not that we need it, but even more proof I’m a total dweeb

Ah, yes, while waiting for fax service at a local Kinko’s like store, I saw this very punny geographical quiz about my beautiful home, and I’m just too dorky not to share it.

As such, every so often (more than likely as filler) I’ll pop a few on here and see how my 21 readers do (well, okay, I’ve gotten 21 unique hits in one day… wooo hooo… but only once)…

And as for Jana and Dawn, NO SPOILING THIS!!!

CAN YOU NAME THESE PLACES IN BRITISH COLUMBIA?

1. Former Queen.
2. 2000 lb Monarch.
3. Overcook a Honeymaker.
4. Radioactive Hot Water.
5. Sets Fire to Water.

Yes I’m a dweeb, a dork, a nerd, a geek, and very sad. That is all.

The Quest for the Family Jewels

This has to be the single most addictive game online in the history of flash games. And it’s about Kenny vs. Spenny.

Enjoy!

The current A-Golden-World-a-verse high score is: 12596 pts, scored as Kenny (of course).

That is all.