Essentially

What is essential? As in day to day services provided both publically and privately? Well, as the current day job dictates, document storage and shredding is, though residential garbage collection isn’t. Yup, just in case you haven’t guessed from that intro, we have a city strike in Vancouver. Follow the previous link and you can link to a load of other articles around it. Simply put, the city wants the agreement to last past the Olympics, the workers want another CBA just before. And my comment to the City employees… Good on ya! We don’t know what the economy will be like post 2010, and don’t ever give that up.

But alas, this really is about the whole essential services argument. You see, my current slave driving organization employer, which is NOT the garbage collection part of the initial example, is within some definition somewhere, an ESSENTIAL SERVICE, also confirmed by my union local. For my employment purposes, this means I can cross a picket line to do my job, but management has another thing coming if they think I’m going to brave a rowdy picket line.

But garbage collection is not. And let’s amend that. Residential garbage collection is not. Commercial is still executed, though in a not quite full capacity. What a great bargaining point the union has. Use a city’s residents against the city when the odour becomes too much. But on the theory, business documents over peoples refuse definitely sends a message out to how much hard working people are appreciated these days.

Sadly, this is not the most glaring example of faulty prioritization. Id est, some other examples of services more of a priority than residential garbage service…

1. Parks, playing fields, tennis courts, trails, playgrounds, sport courts, beaches, skateboarding, restaurants (including the Shaughnessy Restaurant at VanDusen) concessions, gift shops and pay parking.
2. Horse drawn tours [at Stanley Park].
3. Park garbage collection.
4. Playhouse Theatre.
5. Cemetery burials for pre-sold graves only [better not die until after the strike].
6. Taxi and Liqueur licensing [as many city workers MUST be drinking excessively and needing a safe ride home].
7. Many different fine and civic tax collecting agencies.

Yes, feel priviledged that though your trash is rotting in the alley (or on the curb in some neighbourhoods), but you can experience the same smell, live from a horse drawn tour at Stanley Park. And if you’re headed that way… and the smell is that bad… take your trash. It’ll get picked up from there.

That is all.

AGW Top News Item of the Week v1.0

Now, admittedly, I do get brief hits of news from these two free Vancouver (well, there’s versions all across Canada admittedly, as well as America Jr.), as it’s simple to pick one up being on the road all day during the week. Now I do have to go on record and say at least 80% of the pages are filled with tripe like Lindsay Lohan’s latest binge, how 68 lb Nicole Richie is pregnant, how Paris Hilton is crying about her jail stint, and so on, and so on. Then I ran across this:

Vatican issues road ‘Commandments’.

What the duece? So I go home, and actually see articles about this online. From ‘reasonably’ reputable sources, and even propagandist sources like US news networks. Needless to say, it had risen above the levels of the tabloids. While I’m not 100% convinced this is for real, I do feel these 10 road commandments need to face my special attention, read wrath.

To wit:

1. You shall not kill.
Benedict, Benedict, Benedict. If I have to pay Coca-Cola money to have 8 visible frames in a documentary that has a pop can in it, as the Coca-Cola logo is a registered trademark, I only think it’s fair that someone comes out and sues your ass for direct and blatant plagiarism of your own holy texts. An eye for an eye.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
I agree with the no mortal harm thing (with the possible exception of village idiots who really want to tempt fate… and we have loads of those in Vancouver), I highly disagree with eating wafers of bread and drinking wine WHILE operating a motor vehicle. For the latter, consumption of alcohol mixed with driving a motor vehicle is considered to be a very bad way to safely drive. And to have that no mortal harm thing in tact, drinking and driving should be avoided.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
Very true. However, please ammend this one by adding opening your fucking eyes.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
Can’t really take the piss outta this one. Being in need of a boost, running out of petrol, needing a bit of friendly roadside assistance in an awkward spot sucks balls, and my hat is off to all those who help a friend in need.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
I wonder which heartfelt Christian gets to tell all the rich, power-hungry, and self-professed Christians out there that owing a blinged up Hummer or Lexus is now a mortal sin in the eyes of our incumbent Pope? I also wonder if teenage kids will now shag in their parents bedroom instead of the backseat of a car to avoid a one-way ticket to the fiery pits of hell?

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
See MADD, deal.org, and the like. Support your local chapter.

7. Support the families of accident victims.
I completely agree.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
Remember, bad driving is the work of Satan’s helpers, witches. So if they are guilty of their infractions, and are witches, made of wood, and they can float in water, as can a duck. So determining their guilt is easy. If they weigh the same as a duck, they are made of wood, and therefore a witch. Burn the guilty at the stake. But give them the opportunity to repent moments before they become alit.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
So kids, remember, slam on the brakes on the freeway to protect the rodent running across the road, and brace yourself for the 18-wheeler about to slam into your backside.

10. Feel responsible toward others.
Hey. It’s not my fault if someone in front of me slams on the brakes making me do the same. The responsibility is the party in front of me. Maybe this should be preceded by ‘take some fucking responsibility first’.

Benedict’s purpose is not without good intent. However, the practicum in his concept is far from flawless. As such, I have some ‘rules’ of my own.

To wit, the AGW rules of the road:

1. In all cases, Newton overrules ICBC .
2. Drive like you are NOT the only vehicle on the road.
3. Nothing makes anyone more important than anyone else (Dubya should take this to heart). Every driver has somewhere to get, and the road is a first come, first serve situation.
4. Use your fucking indicators ALL THE TIME.
5. Texting, playing Tetris, and talking on a mobile without a handsfree should not be done while operating a manual transmission vehicle.
6. Neither should any activity from 5 be done while operating a automatic transmission, large truck, motorcycle, scooter, or while being a pedestrian crossing an intersection.
7. Another for pedestrians: Do not stop in the middle of an intersection, spend 10 seconds digging up your iPod, and then scan through songs before proceeding, especially when cars are waiting to turn down the street you are crossing.
8. Yet another pedestrian one: Yes, you have right of way. However, watch your ass. Refer to number 1 if this doesn’t quite make sense yet.
9. Putting a sub-woofer in your vehicle to give more bass than anyone can know what to do with will not impress anyone, but rather reveals that your penis cannot be any longer than 2 inches erect.
10. Conversely, instead of hip-hop, listening to the following bands can only bring the correct emotional state to facilitate safe driving: System of a Down, Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Killing Joke, Rob Zombie, and Jane’s Addiction.

That is all.

Break out the Life Rings

Yup, that was the feeling we had here in the Lower Mainland early in the week. Due to the record levels of snow we received in the winter, we have, for the last month or so, been expecting record level heights for the Fraser river here. Cities in the northern interior (Terrace and Prince George) have experienced flooding now, and some are even under a water advisory as the flooding has reached sewage lagoons.

Luckily here, the majority of homes sit well above the flood plains. Those below include Richmond, Ladner, Langley, Maple Ridge, Mission, Abbotsford, and Chiliwack, to which some have already received evacuation notice. For the lot of us, however, bridge use will be limited if not completely cut off. As it stands, ‘experts’ are now predicting we here in Vancouver are at around our peak water level, but I’m not counting on it. So, if there is flooding around the bridges, and being a unionized employee, that means only one thing…

Fully paid days off of work!!!!! Woot!!!!!

But seriously, the isolation is not a healthy thing. I have horrible visions of mad riots in grocery stores for food, not having enough to eat, poor drinking water quality and the like. So, as the heads up, we are preparing (under a tight budget I know, but meh). I just can’t wait until July when the lot of this will hopefully have subsided.

As a matter of point, I do point out to the conservative readers of this tripe blahg that this is empirical evidence of one half of the greenhouse effect is actually scientifically accurate and undeniable. Melting vast quantities of frozen water (such as snow or ice) DOES in fact make natural water levels rise. Now it’s not so much that they are refuting that now, but in their worst nightmares, if there becomes solid, undeniable, scientific proof that emissions are not only toxic (another point conservative pundits overlook, by the way) but are contributing to the ‘greenhouse effect’, I’m sure, at least in Canada, that the circular thinking of the Conservatives that be will try to convince others that either higher than freezing temperatures won’t melt ice, or that extra melted ice won’t increase sea levels.

But alas, science does not always work for these individuals. Maybe if we convinced the Pope to put it in the bible… then they’d believe it. But I just don’t think he’d go for that. Meh.

That is all.

Somebody has it in for Vancouver

Or maybe, somebody was supposed to win Lotto 649 here but “accidentally” didn’t, and this is Karma making up for it. After all, you have better odds of being struck by lightning twice than winning the lottery. And lightning has struck twice.

First, the roof of our beloved BC Place stadium has collapsed. Yes, the roof to the world’s largest air supported roofed stadium has become flacid. A once mighty structure

it has now made Spencer Rice mighty and erect by comparison.

Well, we shouldn’t pick on Spencer due to his phallic shortcomings so much. Though bear in mind, Spenny did give fellatio to an english cucumber, or gherkin, after losing a who is funnier competition to Kenny Hotz.

Secondly, some idiot at YVR decided to walk through screening without listening to officials. I know it’s Canada, I know we’re not as paranoid as our differently brained neighbours, but we still have to adhere to airport security. Talk about the one asshole who fucks it up for the rest of us.

What on earth is happening here this winter? Record snow, flooding, a fire too close to home, and now this. Somebody out there just doesn’t like me. Not that it’s news at this point.

That is all.