A Golden World

I’m a screw up. Try to keep that in mind.

Archive for the 'Third Person Thursday' Category


Third Person Thursday Meh-me - the 4400 (divided by 100)

Posted by Jeff on Thursday, 22 March, 2007

Jeff found this over at MCF’s site, and seeing as MCFAT’s are rare, and Jeff hasn’t done any MCF Perilous yet, he figured he should give this one a try, with the Third Person Thursday spin. Normal Third Person Thursday rules apply (for those who are asking, follow the link and it will show you). For the purposes of continuing the meh-me along, however, questions will not necessarily be in the third person.

To wit:

1. Were you named after anyone?

The name Jeff does not seem to derive from any source (at least according to his parents), and the only anecdote his parents ever told him was they picked Jeff if their baby was a boy, Jennifer if their baby was a girl. His middle name, [name deleted by author] however, comes directly from his uncle in the Edmonton area, who is a CPGA Pro Golfer.

2. When was the last time you cried?

During a fight with his better half. The two have a very loving, special relationship, though when tempers flare, it can get nasty. Thankfully the frequency of flare ups has gone down considerably recently, for the two.

3. Why are you so fickle when it comes to women?

Obviously this question was not written with Jeff in mind. A better question would be posed to the ladies, asking “Why not Jeff?” Jeff spent the better part of 30+ years being “just friends” until Dawn came onto the scene. Dawn is the lone woman who cannot answer this question, hence why she is with him to this day.

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

Being originally from the city named after Mont Royal, Jeff prefers Montreal Smoked Meat over all others. Schwartz’s is Jeff’s restaurant of choice for said delicacy. It’s a shame he lives nearly 5,000 km away from there now.

5. Do you have kids?

No, Jeff does not. Jeff and Dawn, together, have an utterly neurotic cat named Tara, who the pair refer to as their ‘baby’.

6. If you were another person would you be friends with you?

Jeff would not. He would choose not to inflict that kind of pain on others, and besides, he hates people (see the posts in this blahg about driving in the city of Vancouver for further proof).

7. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, not Jeff. Never. Especially not when posting, driving, taking the piss out of people, or commenting on the random or absurd.

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

Jeff does not. At the tender age of two, he had an accidental tonsillectomy, to which he is still attempting to file a lawsuit against the doctors who removed it without his sole permission.

9. Would you bungee jump?

Jeff already has bungee jumped. Twice.

10. What is your favorite cereal?

Since Jeff does not eat much for breakfast at all, he would have to choose coffee. Seven to get up, four more for breakfast. Ahhh, the breakfast of champions.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

Jeff just recently got a new pair of steel toed work shoes bought for him from his company, and he realizes he should, though being tired coming home from work, he becomes to lazy to untie them.

12. Do you think you are strong?

Jeff can lift near twice his own weight, though being a miniscule 150 lbs, does feel that pound for pound he is one of the strongest people he knows. He is also very fit aerobically.

13. What is your favorite ice cream?

Jeff’s favourite ice cream is Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked. Jeff drools like Homer Jay after eating this delight.

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Jeff notices whether or not they look him square in the eye.

15. Red or pink?

Red. Just like the crimson red of Vader’s sabre.

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?

Jeff doesn’t like his anti-social nature. Though it’s in his nature to be individualistic and go against the social flow, he does hate the byproduct that he has few friends.

17. Who do you miss the most?

It’s tough. Jeff has many deceased relatives whom he misses for various reasons, though when it boils down to it, he misses his parents the most. 4,500 km is a long distance to cross on a consistent basis.

18. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?

Jeff is wearing khaki pants, with no shoes, but wearing black, grey and pink skiing socks. Yes, pink. Jeff really could care less.

19. What was the last thing you ate?

Jeff ate breaded and seasoned pork, along with fries.

20. What are you listening to right now?

Jeff is listening to soundtrack music for Battlestar Galactica, in and around Dawn watching the special features for The Devil Wears Prada.

21. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Jeff would be midnight black.

22. Favorite smells?

Jeff likes the smell of Dawn after bathing with Lush products, weed being smoked, and WD-40.

23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Dawn. Jeff really likes his Bluetooth handsfree now.

24. Hair color?

Jeff is a natural blond. In two week-long drunken stupors in 1991 and 1992, Jeff cut his hair into a mohawk, shillacked it straight up, and spray painted it gold, just for the record.

25. Eye color?

Jeff has blue eyes.

26. Do you wear contacts?

Jeff wears glasses for his far-sightedness and astigmatism, but does not feel the need nor vanity to go with contacts.

27. Why aren’t you married?

Jeff hasn’t married because he is still saving to pay for the wedding. And when you’re bride to be’s early childhood memory is Diana’s wedding, it’s a tough one to live up to. Jeff loves his Dawn really :P

28. Favorite food?

Simply put, Jeff would include anything Italian.

29. Scary movies or happy endings?

Jeff abhors of happy endings, as they are highly artificial and not an accurate representation of the real world, so hence, scary movies via default.

30. Last movie you watched?

The Devil Wears Prada, which Jeff watched in intermission to doing this meh-me.

31. What did you dream about last night?

Jeff rarely dreams whilst asleep, so odds are nothing. Jeff however constantly dreams about his future in filmmaking.

32. What book are you reading?

Jeff is reading Roasting in Hell’s Kitchen, the autobiography of Gordon Ramsay.

33. Summer or Winter?

Jeff aime l’hiver, pour le ski alpine.

34. Hugs or kisses?

Jeff loves both from Dawn.

35. Favorite dessert?

Jeff likes nothing better than 12 ice cold Stella Artois after dinner.

36. Do you have any special talents?

Jeff has special talents.

37. What are they?

Jeff can:
1. Wiggle his ears.
2. Can determine the F-Stop for a photograph (or a scene) without the need for a lightmeter.
3. Do shots of hot sauce.

38. What color shirt are you wearing?

Jeff is wearing a navy blue golf shirt.

39. When are you going to start preparing for your move back home?

Jeff is home, so his preperation for his move was in fact nearly two years ago now.

40. What did you watch on TV last?

Since Jeff doesn’t have cable, it would have to be The Devil Wears Prada.

41. What is your favorite sound?

Aside from Dawn’s cutey poutey voice, Jeff would have to say the sound of lightsabres clashing.

42. Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

London or Liverpool? Absolutely no doubt there. Jeff will pick a Scouser over a Londoner every time. Thusly, for those lost, the Beatles.

43. What is the farthest you have been from home?

Hmmm. If Montreal is Jeff’s home, then Los Angeles. Now that Vancouver is, it would be Florida.

44. Most likely to respond to this [meh-me]?

Probably Dawn. Jeff doesn’t feel many others on his read list will want to though. Maybe he’ll be surprised.

Maybe.

That is all.

Posted in Meh-me, Third Person Thursday | 9 Comments »

Third Person Thursday… People that piss Jeff off

Posted by Jeff on Thursday, 1 February, 2007

Well, just people who piss Jeff off on Thursday. For the reader’s consideration:

One: At 6:05 this morning, someone out there mistook this bridge

Alex Fraser Bridge

For this bridge

Pattullo Bridge

by calling into Jeff’s favourite local radio statio and claimed a massive accident on the latter bridge. The accident was on the previous, thus diverting loads of traffic, attempting to miss the accident, onto the bridge with the accident. Jeff thinks that this loser should in future make sure brain is engaged before operating his mouth.

Two: two young teenage girls, in North Vancouver, after cutting in front of Jeff’s 5-ton truck at an intersection, oblivious that anything was there, decided to press a crosswalk signal repeatedly over ten times in hoping pressing it repeatedly would eventually make the signal change. To boot, the button was an older metal one, which made one hell of an annoying squeak noise. Here’s a hint girls. There are actually vehicles on the roads you like to jay walk, and, surprise, surprise, pedestrian buttons do not work akin to Playstation or X-Box.

Three: idiots, who need to push through an intersection in rush hour traffic, but don’t get through it, and block the intersection for several light transitions. Jeff honked at one such asshole tonight, who felt the need to tell him that his engine would shut off if he didn’t continue moving (not like this retard continued moving staying put in the intersection anyway). Jeff replied by telling the asshole that he should learn some tact, manners and respect, and concluded his shouting match by telling the idiot to take some form of driver’s education before ICBC takes his licence away. What a fucking git.

As always, for those who want to comment, bear in mind the rules Jeff set out in this post, else comments will be truncated or deleted.

That is all.

Posted in Third Person Thursday | 15 Comments »

Third Person Thursday

Posted by Jeff on Thursday, 11 January, 2007

During the wonderful game of car dodgeball drive to Langley today, Jeff got to hear another Jeff on the radio, and Jeff (the writer of this blog, not the Radio Host) got inspired by an on air game played each Thursday, entitled Third Person Thursday. The game is simple. Phone in contestants, along with Jeff O’Neil, Charis and Captain Scotty must all have a conversation speaking in the third person. Once someone refers to themselves in the first person, they are out. The last left standing is the winner. It almost seems like a good idea for a Kenny vs. Spenny episode. Still though, this is the second best themed day next to calling Wednesday Hump Day.

Jeff, feeling the need for some inspiration, decided to dedicate a post a week, on now dubbed Third Person Thursday, to this little event on CFOX. The rules are simple. Jeff will post, and make sure to write completely in the third person. For people reading his posts, they must also comment in the third person (just to these posts), or else their posts will be either truncated or deleted completely (depending on the severity of the offence).

For this week, Jeff decided to mix in political correctness and music into Third Person Thursday. As such, he now presents

Because Afroman Got Marijuana Enhanced, Afroman, translated by Jeff.

Afroman was gonna clean his room until he got marijuana enhanced,
He was gonna get up and find the broom but then he got marijuana enhanced,
His room is cleanliness challenged and he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

He was gonna go to the knowledge conveyance program before he got marijuana enhanced,
He coulda been morally deficiant and he coulda acheived an acceptable grade but he got marijuana enhanced,
He is taking it next semester and he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

He was gonna go to converting potential energy into kinetic energy but then he got marijuana enhanced,
He just got a new addition of responsibilities effecting a pay increase but he got marijuana enhanced,
Now he’s selling legally challenged recreational use plants and he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

He was gonna go to court before he got marijuana enhanced,
He was gonna pay his vertically and experience challenged person support but then he got marijuana enhanced,
They took his whole compensation for transfer of energy from potential to kinetic and he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

He wasn’t gonna run from the cops but he was marijuana enhanced,
He was gonna pull right over and stop but he was marijuana enhanced,
Now he’s a limb motor function challenged person, and he knows why,
Because he got marijuana enhanced,
Because he got marijuana enhanced,
Because he got marijuana enhanced.

He was gonna pay his car note until he got marijuana enhanced,
He was gonna engage in provincially and federally sanctioned games deemed lotteries on the boat but then he got marijuana enhanced,
Now the tow truck is pulling away and he knows why,
Because he got marijuana enhanced,
Because he got marijuana enhanced,
Because he got marijuana enhanced.

He was gonna engage in coitus with her but then he got marijuana enhanced,
He was gonna perform cunnilingus too but then he got marijuana enhanced,
Now he’s performing self service and he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

He challenged his entire life because he got marijuana enhanced,
He lost his vertically and experience challenged persons and phallus challenged partner because he got marijuana enhanced,
Now he’s conscious challenged on the sidewalk and he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

He’s gonna stop singing his song because he’s marijuana enhanced,
He’s singing this whole thing correctly challenged because he’s marijuana enhanced,
And if his song is retail challenged he knows why,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced,
’cause he got marijuana enhanced.

Original lyrics here.

As Jeff would say, that is all.

Posted in Take The Piss, Third Person Thursday | 1 Comment »