I must be a walking chrome toaster. There are too many asshats around and I just plum don’t fit in. And fuck me, I hate Christmas, with other observations.

I was never originally Ebenezer-esque. Really. Though in all due respect, with my birthday [which I MIGHT give out privately if you email me] falling within a week of the 25^th, and being an only child yielded a big load from Satan Santa. Growing up, not having kids of my own (aside from the two balls of evil fluff) and losing a great deal of the family that I only got to see around the holidays has definitely changed the perspective of the holiday. Nowadays I feel more and more disconnected from the masses, and all this Yule cheer gives me a combination of nausea, depression, and rage.

Now to that LOVELY mixture, add the following asshats (whom increase my sense of separation from the rest of humanity).

All 308 elected Members of Canadian Parliament. We’ve just gone through a whole election. Just. And we may have another one as a gift for the new year.

For the background on it, read the wikipedia article.

Simply put, another election in the spring won’t change a thing. A difference in the results of maybe a handful of seats, that’s it. Still another Harper minority, trying to push an elimination of federal political subsidies. Followed by another no confidence vote. At the rate of the idiocy of these twats, all the funds intended to stimulate the economy will be spent in countless elections to prove nothing. Clearly another election will not change the mandate from the masses.

So our choices are these. A lone Conservative minority [read Reform minority], pushing an agenda that will silence the opposition voices (1984 anyone), or a coalition between the Liberals, NDP, and Bloc (which I tend to prefer, though this may be a wide, grey line between who we chose and who’s actually in office. George W. Bush anyone?)

Out in the Canadian West, we’ve been bombarded with ads on the TeeVee and Radio by the Reform Party, slamming the move, putting Canada’s fate in the hands of the Separatists. Well, for Harper and the Reform Party, the flaw of logic in this move is two-fold. First, consider the major political gaffe in calling out the Bloc. Harper (now twice) swore an oath to serve the whole of Canada, including Quebec, and the lot that want to separate. Harper is force by ethics (which easily explains the logic flaw) to keep Canada whole, and is shooting that whole purpose in the foot with the smear campaign.

Second, he’s demonstrating an absolute lack of respect to Parliamentary protocol. Unless he’s spending millions of dollars to spread a message out to 308 people. The rest of us can’t do a fucking thing until the no confidence vote. Not one thing. Money well spent Mr. Harper?

Looking at it more thoroughly, we are in a catch 22. Stephen is correct. Canada voted overwhelmingly against Stephane Dion and the Liberals. However, we also voted with a strong enough majority against Stephen Harper as the Prime Minister. We just couldn’t decide whether it be Dion, Layton, or Duceppe.

So who’s right? Everyone, and no one. You see, the funny flaw in all of this is that we in Canada never cast a ballot saying we want Harper as PM. Or Dion. Well, I hope you get the point. We voted for our MP to be our voice in Parliament. I really think this is a concept lost on the many, as political affiliation seems to be the only gauge for choice. So what from here? The only viable solution would be to enact legislation requiring all minority governments to have a coalition to keep policy in check.

Sadly I doubt that will happen.

Nor will people shut up about Brian Burke, Mats Sundin, or Sean Avery. Are there no stories to cover in the sport of hockey these days that we have to turn yet another professional sport into a tabloid? I mean, for fuck sakes, the NFL is all about handguns, MLB is the steroid witch hunt, and now hockey has become the land of slamming celebrity ex-girlfriends and their new partners using the ever so prominent catch phrase ’sloppy seconds’.

Enough about Avery already. Fuck me, I don’t care what they do with him post suspension. Can’t the Team dig up more about anyone but he, or Sundin and how he just had to wait 8 months to sign a $10 million deal with Vancouver (he’s really not coming here), or how Burke will be great for the Leafs. Frankly, the only thing Burke will do is allow the Leafs to do the one thing they’ve been good at. Being the clown force of the NHL, upstaging real talent. Don’t believe me? Then ask why they decided to retire Wendel Clark’s 17 the same night the Canadiens mended the way between the franchise and netminding great Patrick Roy, arguably the best goalie ever. It’s like the Leafs retiring Borje Salming’s jersey the same night the Oilers retired Gretzky’s 99.

But it shouldn’t surprise. Toronto is full of classless, low life gits. I guess the economic turmoil is karma for the rest of this. Suck Leafs suck!

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

M.C.F.A.T. Episode XXIV – The Spin Doctors

Well, it’s just about over. Burkie finally signed with the worst team in the history of hockey. Full control in the self-perpetuated ‘center of the universe’. After telling a very obvious, bold-faced lie in the press conference stepping down from his post in Anaheim.

None of this is a shock at this point. Hockey fans everywhere saw that Burke was going to Toronto, adding another gong to the already insane gong show that is hockey in the biggest commercial hockey market in Canada. The sad part is when it’s all made official Saturday, it’s not the end.

It will just be the beginning. What a sad day for hockey, getting all that spin doctoring. So much for sports journalism ever being about the game on the ice anymore.

But, with spin doctoring and perception in mind, here’s the latest MCFAT:

1) Is it good or bad when sitcoms feature celebrity guest stars?

When I read this question the first time, the better question jumped in my head. Are there any good sitcoms out there anymore? As many of you already know, I really can’t stand the tripe the major US networks shove down our collective throats on a weekly basis. I guess I should have realized that television sitcoms are going the way of the dodo when I really started to get sick of the Simpsons about six years back.

About the only ’sitcom’ that works for me these days is really Family Guy. Period. Simply put, it is what The Simpsons dares not to be. So how does it stand when celebrity guest stars are on? Well, in the case of James Woods, brilliantly. Sadly, James must learn not to follow a candy trail down an alley and into a simple box trap. Git. As to other guest stars, it does seem that Seth McFarlane uses them with purpose, not JUST for a ratings grab.

The other shit that clutters the airwaves, however, seem to have no real creativity left in their premise or delivery. Celebrity guest stars, as a result, seem to be nothing more than a Paris Hilton-esque attempt to get mindless ratings during sweeps week. Still, based on all this tripe, the lowest common denominator mentality may actually improve the show. If I have some time I may do a comparative analysis at some point.

Maybe.

2) What is the most shocking thing you’ve seen on the internet?

Personal politics notwithstanding, it’s a toss up between this site and this site. In terms of all the fucked up, bizzare, vomit inducing images and viral videos out there, they start to lose their punch as we all have that friend who constantly emails all that sick shit all the time. Positively speaking, at least the onslaught builds up a heavy resistance.

Still, after even linking up that scum to my site, I need to cleanse. As such…

and this. The last game I got to see in the Montreal Forum:

Ahh. Now I feel better.

3) Is it possible to have too much free time?

Come on now. If there’s no such thing as a free lunch, how on earth can ANY time be free?

4) Inspired by a recent Dwight Shrute monologue, I ask you: what’s your perfect crime?

There can only be one perfect crime. Taunting those on the growing list of people who have not only pissed me off but have completely betrayed me, to harming me to such a degree that my murder of them can be justified as self defence.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What (animated) fictional town offers a whirlwind existence, race cars, lasers, airplanes, mystery-solving, time travel, and more?

Very simply put, the alternate 1985 New York City in which the former Crimebusters, of Watchmen fame are written to exist. Hell, anything is possible with the existence of Dr. Manhattan.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

Baby, if you ever wondered. Wondered whatever became of me…

But I’m NOT at WKRP in Cincinnati. Still, being a driver, I am privy to a great deal of airtime for radio in the Vancouver area. My poison of choice? CFOX. Not that this is a surprise to my three readers. But for those of you who Googled your way here, here’s why I listen to CFOX. At first, it was the music. It’s the only station in the area (which is surprising considering our vicinity to Seattle) that plays alternative rock, specifically from the early 90’s. But alas, even alternative rock stations change. Alternative became mainstream. Now, instead of a kicking Rymes With Orange or Pure song, we get Jack Johnson or Billy [No-]Talent. Ugghh. And if Jeff’s reading this, I did email my gripes to dinner@cfox.com (which now has become nancy@cfox.com).

Still, CFOX has it’s redeeming features. The Jeff O’Neil Morning Show. Indie Night in Canada. And Neil Morrison kicks major ass at noon with the 90’s at Noon. I can get my Pure/Rymes/Doughboys/Stabbing Westward/and soforth fix. Each week I can definitely remember some little odd song I really liked from my university days.

But therein lies the problem. After 1:00 PM, CFOX goes flat. I can only take so much of the crap that passes for alt rock, and I get my fill listening to O’Neil who has little music creative control. As such, the radio tends to find itself to Team 1040 for Pratt and Taylor. Until the playoffs started, there were some quite deep discussions about a wide variety of western Canadian sports topics. Now that the Canucks and Giants are both out of the playoffs, the discussions reverse evolved. Fire Nonis. And when they did, and replaced him with rookie GM Mike Gillis, complain that we need Nonis back. Uggghh.

Here’s a list of things that are really now equivocable to beating a dead horse (as it relates to talk sports radio in Vancouver):

Brian Burke being the next Leafs GM.
The Leafs hiring Nonis as an incentive for Burke to come to be the GM when his contract expires in Anaheim.
Should Nonis consider other offers than Toronto?
Is Toronto the right situation for Burke?
Burke will go to Toronto because he can get a job for his wife (an on-air personality) at the Toronto CBC.

I could go on, but you get the point. This is Vancouver for fuck sakes. Why the fuck are we obsessed with Toronto? Are Canuck fans obsessed with the past? Do they NOT care about the BC Lions and the Vancouver Whitecaps? Or is it that Don Taylor is a total sellout? Even O’Neil still talks to Kevin ‘Boom Boom’ Bieksa in the offseason. I remember that Sportsnet (that Taylor also appears) ran a campaign for Taylor’s Sportsnet Pacific program that had a tagline of “Eastern highlights if I have time.” Now it seems Taylor is much more interested in the east than the west.

Maybe the Team 1040 needs this kind of format change.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

P.S. Grow my city!