Frak the sports media…

To start this onslaught, I present to you the following rant from Canada’s [ahem] Second Greatest Living Canadian:

I can’t say this outburst surprises me. And before going there, I do have to say, in general, short of certain subtleties (and suit choices), I tend to agree with Cherry’s slant about hockey. I fully agree fighting is a part of the game and should be encouraged, if to serve as part of the entertainment along with lessening more serious injury caused via stickwork. But this rip on Ovechkin is nothing more than bias. Consider it this way.

Turn on sports news. Sports radio. Especially hockey. Especially now, considering how close we are to the trade deadline, and the frenzy final few hours prior to. With the addition post lockout of the salary cap, the subtext of almost every trade is money money money. Clearing cap space. Is this player worth that much. Rental or keeper? Resignable after this season? Dollars dollars dollars are in the forefront of the hockey talk for the next three days. And therein lies the rub.

With the complexities of a cap based revenue system in the sport of hockey, the true evil of greed sometimes can get lost in the mix of the bigger, team picture. For example, Alexei Kovalev, of my beloved Habs. Never have I seen such an indifferent shithead of a player. No real passion for the game. It is clearly evident that he is all about the Benjamins, and nothing else. The same could be said about Scott Gomez and Chris Drury, amongst others.

Now enter Ovechkin. Cherry says his antics are uncalled for. It’s over the top ‘entertainment’. I say this. Any serious in depth report on Ovechkin proves one thing. The kid just LOVES to play. He has pure passion for the game. Maybe, Don, just maybe, the ‘antics’ are not showmanship directed towards the fans. Perhaps it could be a genuine expression of his joy. In a game filled with money driven sell outs, I find a player like Ovechkin refreshing. Cherry, I fear you lost perspective a long time ago. Fuck me, your commentary, as your broadcast location, is Toronto-centric. Having been in America Jr. for quite some time in my life, two things are constant. First, the hockey is shit. Secondly, the environment, media, fan and team for hockey is not amped up like a contender. It’s more like a relaxed country club. And Don, you and your comments fit right in. Is it any reason Toronto is so horrible? They are geared much more for April golf, not the playoffs.

Still, it could be worse. Here, in every rainy Vancouver (okay, this winter has been unseasonably dry, but generally it rains) we’ve had to endure weeks of speculation as to whether or not Ohlund will waive his no trade clause. Can we re-sign the Twins? And now today, will we offer up Alex Burrows as trade bait (which, in not only my but every other Vancouverite’s opinion is an idea spawned from a Hastings and Main crack addict)? It gets tiresome. January was lynch Vinnie Vigneault month, as the Sundin signing was looking like a flop. February was Vigneault is a genius for putting Kesler with Sundin and Demitra and Burrows with the twins. And our sportscasters talk about nothing else. 21 hours a day (if you’re even more a vampire and night owl than myself) of the same, repetitive story. Just 9 AM to 12 PM as a break. Thank you Jim Rome for adding variety. Can’t Rick Ball talk about NCAA Hoops? Can’t Scott Rintoul stop being a pint sized geek and talk Major League Baseball? Fuck, we do have a former AL MVP from our parts (Justin Morneau). Rome definitely covered a more diverse athletic spectrum than our home grown ‘talent’.

Well, now Rome has been relegated to ‘another time slot’ that Team 1040 has not decided to announce (which probably means late night). All in the effort to ‘give us more Canuck hockey coverage that we asked for’. I don’t know about anyone else, but I asked for less. FAR LESS Canuck coverage, if what constitutes coverage is regurgitating the same two minute story ad naseum for 21 straight hours per day. Now we have Blake Price and Dave Tomlinson repeating the same, homogeonized stories in the time I’d rather hear Rome rip ‘John from Kansas’ or some other clone or clone wannabe. Hell, if the Team wanted some research, it almost seems the majority of Rome’s emails come from Vancouver. Listen and count.

Fact is, I bet the Team 1040 are ultimately appalled by one aspect of Rome’s broadcast. He speaks his mind, and bows to no specific authoritative power. No network mandate, no FCC bylaw. He lays the smack, and frankly, he tells it how he sees it. No other personality on the Team 1040 does that. And maybe there’s the rub. Where Cherry, the former Bruin coach and later supporter has turned coat to be a closet Leaf fan (among other closet habits he may or may not have come clean with yet), Rome won’t change his spots for the good of big business broadcasting. Though in Vancouver, it means he has a right shitty timeslot. One I will probably take a few weeks to figure out. But as for the Team, I can genuinely say this. I, along with all the Rome fans in Van will NEVER, EVER listen again between 9-12 until you fix this atrocity.

Yes Team 1040, you have been BLOCKED!

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

That Guy Tue… Erm, Wednesday

Much like Jim Rome’s Triple U sponsor of the day, I have seen far too much hypocrisy combined with stupidity as of late. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days? People used to give a shit. People were engaged. Somewhere in the last twenty years, at least in a social and intellectual aspect, humanity has taken a quantum leap in reverse.

As such, I give you something that may develop into a weekly feature. That Guy Tuesday. On Wednesday. Yeah, but I’m a day late on everything this week. Meh.

I had a few choices this week, but this takes the cake. And in all due respect, I have seen this twice. I give you:

Hospital Doctors who use mobile phones on site when there is loads of signage indicating that all mobile phones should be shut off in all areas of the hospital.

This really is self explainatory. Fair enough, there is an argument that of isn’t so detrimental. Still, hospitals male such a point of it, there has to be some reasoning to the ongoing request. You would think the idea of ‘Lead By Example’ would be the first step to discourage mobile phone use.

Though since University, I have learned, Microbiology, Pharmacology, and Life Sciences notwithstanding, medical professionals are the dumbest people on Earth. May the Gods have mercy on our souls.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

Filet Mignon and the Burrow

Bah. Another drought in posting. Still, I’ve had much worse months. Aside from various personal issues, I haven’t had much fodder. Less one thing, and really attacking this in the slump really would be like kicking a dead horse. For those fellow hockey fans (read Peter and Ben), I’m sure they’ve noticed that the Canucks have had a less than stellar record as of late. Nine straight home losses, to be exact. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t listen to the Team for longer than five minutes after Rome goes off the air. Every armchair GM has their ‘thoughts’ about how to improve the situation. The answers are common, but the angst comes from a place like they expected this squad was going all the way to the cup. It is sad, that reality has no factor for the majority of ‘Nuck fans.

Bah. In response to all, I give you this open letter to Mike Gillis and Filet Mignon Vinny Alain Vigneault, or AV.

Hi Mike. Bonjour Alain. Before you start taking this to heart, I am not the typical demographic for a Canucks fan. I played as a kid growing up. I didn’t grow up in Vancouver, but rather most of my hockey days were in [sic] the armpit of Canada. I played in the cold. Simply put, I actually understand the game. I’m not a clone, a cylon, a borg who just chants ‘Go Nucks Go’ and expects the Holy Grail to make it’s way to our rainy streets, only to have my heart shattered yet again that we fell short.

On that note, guess what? We will again this year. Whether or not this crew will make the second season or not, well, that can be a debate on blogs and forums which we’ll all see come April. But the stark playoff truth is this. All roads will go through Detroit and San Jose. Our crew isn’t going to survive that path. Not without an act of the Gods this season, but possibly will do down the road.

Being that my whole family is from Montreal, we had to endure the latter part of the 90’s and the early part of this decade with really shitty renditions of les Glorieux. Alain should be quite familiar with that by now. He coached some of them. But now the Canadiens are a serious playoff contender. Why? They sucked so long they could draft, develop, and amass a great deal of young talent. Chicago did the same. In losing Naslund and Morrison, it was clear the direction was toward a youth movement.

Now, from what I remember from minor hockey, our coaches (the good ones anyway) actually kept the kids together for a number of games to allow them to develop chemistry. They didn’t juggle the lines every second shift because things weren’t working immediately. Alain, there is a lesson to be learned here. To wit, there are many things that are worse than having a rough few games while sticking out your best estimate as to the most feasible line combinations.

In no particular order,

Finding out your superstar has his face splattered all over the internet while he’s taking a big hit from a bong.

The Twins are arrested and convicted of running a cock-fighting ring.

Finding out Luongo is on steroids.

Having Luongo deny any use of said steroids.

Having the prosecution provide indisputable evidence that proves Luongo’s guilt.

Sundin could have a career ending injury prior to the end of the regular season.

Bieksa could retire from the league after having an extramarital affair with another player’s wife.

You could sign Sean Avery before the trade deadline.

You could juggle the lines so much you lose nine home games in a row, many games to weaker opponents.

Oh, wait, you already did the last one. Still, this is one of the best markets in North America for hockey. Do the fans a real justice. Bite the bullet for the next few seasons, let players gel, and build a contender in the future that will stay a contender for quite some time. And don’t think that splitting up Kesler and Burrows is going to get the latter to score a ton more.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

Seashells and a Rye and Coke…

Occasionally, the ‘day job’ really hits the spot. Like today. Aside from being a low impact day physically, I got to enjoy the Sunshine Coast, home of Sechelt and Gibsons. The latter was the setting for the long running Canadian show The Beachcombers. One can only imagine my surprise and joy today when I looked straight ahead at this:

Fond memories of a great show from my childhood sure beats out the shit we had to endure last night. It’s gotten to the point now that hanging out with Golf Guy is a far superior option than watching any Canucks hockey now. Eight straight home losses? We’re just as bad as the Detroit Lions now. Frak.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

I am the Anti-Clone part I

Before I start though, I do have to say I love listening to Jim Rome in the morning while I work. This early clip started the lifelong enjoyment of the current king of smack:

If I wasn’t so self assured, I might have a problem with Rome. I am a Star Wars fan. Enough to the point I have collectibles, know all six films inside-out, and even looking at my desk or blog might convince Jim I am Star Wars guy. Maybe even after looking at me he might coin ‘Battlestar‘ guy. Fair enough. If he (or anyone else) wants to try to lay the smack on me because of my fandom, so be it. I simply won’t rise to the occasion. Though the practicum may execute itself a bit differently, we do live in a just and free society, in which we are allowed to like whatever we want. Period. Rome and the clones don’t like sci-fi. Whatever. To each their own.

I do agree with Rome on a great many things. There’s too much shit going on in the world as a whole (the sports world notwithstanding), and the media, the press are just not telling the right story. There’s far too much responsibility to the advertisers and very little to the truth. Rome really cuts through the cheese, IMHO, gives credit where it’s due, and lays the smack with the same moral compass.

And best of all, he’s fucking funny as shit doing it. Watch the clip again. And again. And again. And so forth.

Occasionally though, he gets his facts wrong. Like when it comes to hockey. Yesterday. After shitting on a fellow Canadian for wearing a Rush T-Shirt but admitting he only knows one song (Tom Sawyer), then following up with his [an American's] vastly superior knowledge of the greatest ever Canadian band, Rome decides to make it up to his Canadian listeners by talking hockey. As in Gary Bettman’s cover-up of the milking of player’s salaries to ease the economic uncertainty of the league by ‘re-investigating’ the fighting issue.

What issue? Oh, we mean the issue the asshats who actually never watched the game or care for it, that have to spew out because the fighting makes hockey as violent as gladiatorial combat from Ancient Roman times? The players don’t want to remove fighting. The coaches, GM’s and owners don’t. The league doesn’t. And mostly, the fans don’t.

And Rome was right about the two reasons. First, there’s the sense of vigilante justice. It’s not refined, but neither is hockey. But it works. It worked in the wild west, and it works now in the NHL (and all other levels of hockey for that matter). You go after my top scorer, I’ll fight you. Is there any reason that Wayne Gretzky, a relatively small man among his peers, never had any major injuries in his prime? Two words solve that issue. Dave Semenko. Two more words would be Marty McSorley. You hurt our star, we punch you. Again. And again. And again. And so forth. And it works. And it’s a fuck of a lot safer for the players than a skate or stick to the neck or head.

Very much like a chapter out of the book of the second greatest living Canadian, Don Cherry. And Rome gives loads of praise to the uniquely dressed hockey analyst. Almost too much. It’s like his take on hockey is verbatim to the former Bruins coach.

Which explains the logical disconnect to the second point. Rome starts it right. Fighting has a high entertainment value. Absolutely correct. Though it’s close to the lowest common denominator, it’s what will grow hockey into uncharted markets. Everybody loves a good fight. Even the grannies who say fighting is not Christian, not moral, not the right thing to do, they gawk, cheer, and even egg on when watching a good row. Fighting sells. There’s no denying that.

And that’s where his point finishes it’s logical course. Rome then goes on to say that hockey does not translate well to television, that Fox Sports needed to put the ‘Fox Puck’ in a lame attempt to help the average Joe follow the game, and so on, re-iterating that it’s an untelevisable sport. Well, he’s half right.

First, here in Canada, we have this show called Hockey Night in Canada. It has run for 57 years and is consistently one of the highest rated shows for the entire Canadian market. So don’t give me that shit that it doesn’t translate to television. The reason hockey fails in the US is this. You’re right in that the average American has trouble following the game. We big goons from the North all played since our very tender youth. All of us. We got up at 5 AM every freezing Saturday to practice, or to some tournament 4 hours out of town, to go into a freezing cold arena wearing a t-shirt, underpants and our hockey equipment and skate into each other at high speed for the better part of 10-13 years of our childhood. Most people from So-Cal can’t claim that. Or Phoenix. Or Atlanta. Or Miami. Is it any wonder why hockey really does well in markets like Minnesota, Detroit, Boston, Chicago, New York or Pennsylvania?

Simple. It’s fucking cold here. Hockey is a byproduct of living in the cold. Jim, it’s time you got that. Don’t blame the system. Don’t blame TV. And for the Gods sake, don’t drink the Kool-Aid Bettman’s serving.

Still Rome, you rock. Call Jim Everett Chris for me.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

What gives more indigestion… Maple Leaf Meat products, or the Maple Leafs?

I think it’s fortuitous that I’m off this week. Ironic that it still took me over twenty four hours to pull my ass off of the sofa with a thought long enough to poke at some keys and make this post, but meh, I need the break from the physical grind of slavery otherwise known as work. Fortuitous in the sense that when I’m at work, for convenience sake, I have sandwiches with deli meat. Gods, when will they ever devise a microwave for a five-ton so I can reheat my meals dammit! Still, for us ‘deli meat’ eaters, we’ve had to deal with this. Mmmm. Sweet Listeria monocytogenes. Well, I can handle pasta all week. Even with crappy store bought sauce.

The initial plan was to be away. Then $1.50 per litre happened. Not really feasible with my not-so reliable car. Bah. And with a potentially very rainy week, the idiot box is the main source of entertainment. But in all reality, I hate television in the summer. Everything’s a repeat (not that the vast majority of programs are shit). And if it weren’t for the Olympics, the only sporting fare for most of the summer is Baseball. I used to be more passionate about Baseball. Now I just follow the standings until September, and then start watching, so long as it doesn’t interfere with anything else. But to watch a regular season game now is the equivalent for me to watching Darts or Competitive Snooker.

But we did have the Olympics. Just finished in time for it to NOT be on for the week off. Rather, in terms of the Olympics, I got to hear Jim Rome slam the Canadian Olympians for having an 0 for in the first week of Olympic competition. How we’re the embarassment of the G8 by being the only nation uncompetitive in the games. It was good to see the local personalities on Team 1040 comment back and stick up for the Great White North. Though with the call ins, the defense of our great nation turned into a dick fight about how to fix the problem.

And it’s the solutions the proletariat come up with that start to identify the problem. People will call in constantly and call for more money. We just need to pump more money into better facilities and the problem will just go away. And in that answer, the problem is inherent. We just don’t care. Put it in perspective. An Olympic champion just doesn’t all of a sudden wake up at age 18 and say ‘I want to be a 100m track champion.’ Those who succeed start young. Very young. Building a world class facility does not make up for that 13 year gap.

And to boot, let’s look at this. To be a runner, does one really need that world class facility? We have roads. We have tracks at schools. Weight machines all over. To be a swimmer, can’t we start in our local pools? Other athletics? Football? Diving? Cycling? Obviously what is missing here is passion and leadership, not facility. We need to give a shit about more than just hockey. Fuck me, do we ever care about hockey. The attitude is right there. Gold or bust. It is a slam against our national character if we can’t beat every other country at the game WE made. We need to care. We need a system that grooms athletes for other sports at an earlier age.

Still, having said that, we got 18 medals, finishing 19^th by Gold medal count, and tied for 14^th by overall medal count. As a whole, our best showing since 1996. And if you look at it this way, if we did as well in the first week of competition, we’d have shown 36 medals, for 8^th place overall in medal count. What was really funny though was Rome just happened to be on vacation the week Canada did well. Coincidence?

Still, all of this gave us something to talk about for two weeks. For the six weeks prior to it, all we heard was Sundin, Sundin, Sundin. Where will he go? The ‘Nucks offered $20 million for two seasons, which he balked at. Nearly two months later, and nothing. The latest rumour is that the New York Rangers are the front runner, though they can’t offer him even close to Vancouver’s money.

But the Rangers effectively lost Jagr to get Naslund. Gave up a two cup captain for a zero cup captain. If this is Mats’ team of choice, I wonder. Wonder if he’s going there to win a cup. Avery-less, I don’t see the Rangers doing much more than making the playoffs, as the roads will this year once again in the east probably will go through Montreal and Pittsburgh. Has Mats played for the Leafs long enough to suffer permanent brain damage?

Or have Canuck fans, some of whom still believe Mats is coming here, believe a Leaf will not only come here, but will take a mediocre at best Canucks squad and lead them to the promised land? Here’s a hint. No matter what Mats decides, come April ‘09, his hockey desires will take a back seat to hitting the links, whether or not his team of choice is in the post season.

Leaf Damage, or Maple Leaf listeriosis, you decide.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

Crossroads, Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden, Mentally checking out of work BEFORE you get a new job, and other illusions which appear to be fact.

Jeff O’Neil. Captain Scotty. Charis. Please get the fuck back on the air. I didn’t mind Neil Morrison filling in for you (for those from Toronto, the former Brother Bill), and the first couple of days of ‘The Worst of the Jeff O’Neil Show’ was bearable. No longer. I’ve now regressed. I did listen to the Team 1040 in the afternoons (Pratt and Taylor actually have a good show, so it’s not that bad). However, in the morning slot, the fare is not so appealing at times. Yup, we get Jim Rome.

My first glimpse of this ‘man’ was amusing. It was the Chris Everett remark made to the Jim quarterback of the same surname. Amusing for a moment, and that was it. But he has a radio show for himself? What the deuce? Now fair enough, I like sci-fi, and as such I would probably appear to him as ‘clown’ who dresses up to go to a Comic-con. I also like football. As in the variety that most North Americans would misname soccer. Someone so narrow minded and obviously shallow doesn’t deserve my attention. Until today. Pity about how thin this ‘worst of’ CFOX is spitting out is becoming. It’s worn out it’s welcome.

One good thing about Rome today. Big hit on Golf Guy. You know him. We all know him. He has a glove in his back pocket 24/7. He reads Golf Digest, but can’t break 100 without the repeated use of the foot wedge. Essentially, this person had no interest in golf, let alone sports until he got a hard-on for Tiger Woods, or realized it was an easy way out of the office early once per week. I always looked at golf one of two ways. You were either good, as in real good. My uncle, par example. CPGA professional. Otherwise, you’re like me and my old man. It’s an excuse to drink. We like to golf. We’re just not fakers. It doesn’t consume us.

Personally though, I’d rather ski. Golf’s lost it’s flavour for me. It was more a thing my dad and my grandparents did with me. That’s lost. But skiing kicks ass for me just as much today as it did twenty, even thirty years ago. A mate at work would rather golf because you can all year long here in Vancouver, but I’d still rather just ski 4 or 5 months a year. Especially if I live in the interior. And that possibility may become a reality, depending on how the new job prospect pans out. I want to say I have it, as I’ve never felt so sure about a job in quite some time, and it might be dangerous now that I’ve mentally just given up on caring about my current post.

I guess it could be worse though. I could live at Hastings and Main. I could be convinced that my current employer is looking out for my interests. I could actually think I’m making a decent wage. Or worst, I could think that I don’t deserve better. Sad thing is, some people I know at work do.

Pity.

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