Frak the sports media…

To start this onslaught, I present to you the following rant from Canada’s [ahem] Second Greatest Living Canadian:

I can’t say this outburst surprises me. And before going there, I do have to say, in general, short of certain subtleties (and suit choices), I tend to agree with Cherry’s slant about hockey. I fully agree fighting is a part of the game and should be encouraged, if to serve as part of the entertainment along with lessening more serious injury caused via stickwork. But this rip on Ovechkin is nothing more than bias. Consider it this way.

Turn on sports news. Sports radio. Especially hockey. Especially now, considering how close we are to the trade deadline, and the frenzy final few hours prior to. With the addition post lockout of the salary cap, the subtext of almost every trade is money money money. Clearing cap space. Is this player worth that much. Rental or keeper? Resignable after this season? Dollars dollars dollars are in the forefront of the hockey talk for the next three days. And therein lies the rub.

With the complexities of a cap based revenue system in the sport of hockey, the true evil of greed sometimes can get lost in the mix of the bigger, team picture. For example, Alexei Kovalev, of my beloved Habs. Never have I seen such an indifferent shithead of a player. No real passion for the game. It is clearly evident that he is all about the Benjamins, and nothing else. The same could be said about Scott Gomez and Chris Drury, amongst others.

Now enter Ovechkin. Cherry says his antics are uncalled for. It’s over the top ‘entertainment’. I say this. Any serious in depth report on Ovechkin proves one thing. The kid just LOVES to play. He has pure passion for the game. Maybe, Don, just maybe, the ‘antics’ are not showmanship directed towards the fans. Perhaps it could be a genuine expression of his joy. In a game filled with money driven sell outs, I find a player like Ovechkin refreshing. Cherry, I fear you lost perspective a long time ago. Fuck me, your commentary, as your broadcast location, is Toronto-centric. Having been in America Jr. for quite some time in my life, two things are constant. First, the hockey is shit. Secondly, the environment, media, fan and team for hockey is not amped up like a contender. It’s more like a relaxed country club. And Don, you and your comments fit right in. Is it any reason Toronto is so horrible? They are geared much more for April golf, not the playoffs.

Still, it could be worse. Here, in every rainy Vancouver (okay, this winter has been unseasonably dry, but generally it rains) we’ve had to endure weeks of speculation as to whether or not Ohlund will waive his no trade clause. Can we re-sign the Twins? And now today, will we offer up Alex Burrows as trade bait (which, in not only my but every other Vancouverite’s opinion is an idea spawned from a Hastings and Main crack addict)? It gets tiresome. January was lynch Vinnie Vigneault month, as the Sundin signing was looking like a flop. February was Vigneault is a genius for putting Kesler with Sundin and Demitra and Burrows with the twins. And our sportscasters talk about nothing else. 21 hours a day (if you’re even more a vampire and night owl than myself) of the same, repetitive story. Just 9 AM to 12 PM as a break. Thank you Jim Rome for adding variety. Can’t Rick Ball talk about NCAA Hoops? Can’t Scott Rintoul stop being a pint sized geek and talk Major League Baseball? Fuck, we do have a former AL MVP from our parts (Justin Morneau). Rome definitely covered a more diverse athletic spectrum than our home grown ‘talent’.

Well, now Rome has been relegated to ‘another time slot’ that Team 1040 has not decided to announce (which probably means late night). All in the effort to ‘give us more Canuck hockey coverage that we asked for’. I don’t know about anyone else, but I asked for less. FAR LESS Canuck coverage, if what constitutes coverage is regurgitating the same two minute story ad naseum for 21 straight hours per day. Now we have Blake Price and Dave Tomlinson repeating the same, homogeonized stories in the time I’d rather hear Rome rip ‘John from Kansas’ or some other clone or clone wannabe. Hell, if the Team wanted some research, it almost seems the majority of Rome’s emails come from Vancouver. Listen and count.

Fact is, I bet the Team 1040 are ultimately appalled by one aspect of Rome’s broadcast. He speaks his mind, and bows to no specific authoritative power. No network mandate, no FCC bylaw. He lays the smack, and frankly, he tells it how he sees it. No other personality on the Team 1040 does that. And maybe there’s the rub. Where Cherry, the former Bruin coach and later supporter has turned coat to be a closet Leaf fan (among other closet habits he may or may not have come clean with yet), Rome won’t change his spots for the good of big business broadcasting. Though in Vancouver, it means he has a right shitty timeslot. One I will probably take a few weeks to figure out. But as for the Team, I can genuinely say this. I, along with all the Rome fans in Van will NEVER, EVER listen again between 9-12 until you fix this atrocity.

Yes Team 1040, you have been BLOCKED!

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

I must be a walking chrome toaster. There are too many asshats around and I just plum don’t fit in. And fuck me, I hate Christmas, with other observations.

I was never originally Ebenezer-esque. Really. Though in all due respect, with my birthday [which I MIGHT give out privately if you email me] falling within a week of the 25^th, and being an only child yielded a big load from Satan Santa. Growing up, not having kids of my own (aside from the two balls of evil fluff) and losing a great deal of the family that I only got to see around the holidays has definitely changed the perspective of the holiday. Nowadays I feel more and more disconnected from the masses, and all this Yule cheer gives me a combination of nausea, depression, and rage.

Now to that LOVELY mixture, add the following asshats (whom increase my sense of separation from the rest of humanity).

All 308 elected Members of Canadian Parliament. We’ve just gone through a whole election. Just. And we may have another one as a gift for the new year.

For the background on it, read the wikipedia article.

Simply put, another election in the spring won’t change a thing. A difference in the results of maybe a handful of seats, that’s it. Still another Harper minority, trying to push an elimination of federal political subsidies. Followed by another no confidence vote. At the rate of the idiocy of these twats, all the funds intended to stimulate the economy will be spent in countless elections to prove nothing. Clearly another election will not change the mandate from the masses.

So our choices are these. A lone Conservative minority [read Reform minority], pushing an agenda that will silence the opposition voices (1984 anyone), or a coalition between the Liberals, NDP, and Bloc (which I tend to prefer, though this may be a wide, grey line between who we chose and who’s actually in office. George W. Bush anyone?)

Out in the Canadian West, we’ve been bombarded with ads on the TeeVee and Radio by the Reform Party, slamming the move, putting Canada’s fate in the hands of the Separatists. Well, for Harper and the Reform Party, the flaw of logic in this move is two-fold. First, consider the major political gaffe in calling out the Bloc. Harper (now twice) swore an oath to serve the whole of Canada, including Quebec, and the lot that want to separate. Harper is force by ethics (which easily explains the logic flaw) to keep Canada whole, and is shooting that whole purpose in the foot with the smear campaign.

Second, he’s demonstrating an absolute lack of respect to Parliamentary protocol. Unless he’s spending millions of dollars to spread a message out to 308 people. The rest of us can’t do a fucking thing until the no confidence vote. Not one thing. Money well spent Mr. Harper?

Looking at it more thoroughly, we are in a catch 22. Stephen is correct. Canada voted overwhelmingly against Stephane Dion and the Liberals. However, we also voted with a strong enough majority against Stephen Harper as the Prime Minister. We just couldn’t decide whether it be Dion, Layton, or Duceppe.

So who’s right? Everyone, and no one. You see, the funny flaw in all of this is that we in Canada never cast a ballot saying we want Harper as PM. Or Dion. Well, I hope you get the point. We voted for our MP to be our voice in Parliament. I really think this is a concept lost on the many, as political affiliation seems to be the only gauge for choice. So what from here? The only viable solution would be to enact legislation requiring all minority governments to have a coalition to keep policy in check.

Sadly I doubt that will happen.

Nor will people shut up about Brian Burke, Mats Sundin, or Sean Avery. Are there no stories to cover in the sport of hockey these days that we have to turn yet another professional sport into a tabloid? I mean, for fuck sakes, the NFL is all about handguns, MLB is the steroid witch hunt, and now hockey has become the land of slamming celebrity ex-girlfriends and their new partners using the ever so prominent catch phrase ’sloppy seconds’.

Enough about Avery already. Fuck me, I don’t care what they do with him post suspension. Can’t the Team dig up more about anyone but he, or Sundin and how he just had to wait 8 months to sign a $10 million deal with Vancouver (he’s really not coming here), or how Burke will be great for the Leafs. Frankly, the only thing Burke will do is allow the Leafs to do the one thing they’ve been good at. Being the clown force of the NHL, upstaging real talent. Don’t believe me? Then ask why they decided to retire Wendel Clark’s 17 the same night the Canadiens mended the way between the franchise and netminding great Patrick Roy, arguably the best goalie ever. It’s like the Leafs retiring Borje Salming’s jersey the same night the Oilers retired Gretzky’s 99.

But it shouldn’t surprise. Toronto is full of classless, low life gits. I guess the economic turmoil is karma for the rest of this. Suck Leafs suck!

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.

M.C.F.A.T. Episode XXIV – The Spin Doctors

Well, it’s just about over. Burkie finally signed with the worst team in the history of hockey. Full control in the self-perpetuated ‘center of the universe’. After telling a very obvious, bold-faced lie in the press conference stepping down from his post in Anaheim.

None of this is a shock at this point. Hockey fans everywhere saw that Burke was going to Toronto, adding another gong to the already insane gong show that is hockey in the biggest commercial hockey market in Canada. The sad part is when it’s all made official Saturday, it’s not the end.

It will just be the beginning. What a sad day for hockey, getting all that spin doctoring. So much for sports journalism ever being about the game on the ice anymore.

But, with spin doctoring and perception in mind, here’s the latest MCFAT:

1) Is it good or bad when sitcoms feature celebrity guest stars?

When I read this question the first time, the better question jumped in my head. Are there any good sitcoms out there anymore? As many of you already know, I really can’t stand the tripe the major US networks shove down our collective throats on a weekly basis. I guess I should have realized that television sitcoms are going the way of the dodo when I really started to get sick of the Simpsons about six years back.

About the only ’sitcom’ that works for me these days is really Family Guy. Period. Simply put, it is what The Simpsons dares not to be. So how does it stand when celebrity guest stars are on? Well, in the case of James Woods, brilliantly. Sadly, James must learn not to follow a candy trail down an alley and into a simple box trap. Git. As to other guest stars, it does seem that Seth McFarlane uses them with purpose, not JUST for a ratings grab.

The other shit that clutters the airwaves, however, seem to have no real creativity left in their premise or delivery. Celebrity guest stars, as a result, seem to be nothing more than a Paris Hilton-esque attempt to get mindless ratings during sweeps week. Still, based on all this tripe, the lowest common denominator mentality may actually improve the show. If I have some time I may do a comparative analysis at some point.

Maybe.

2) What is the most shocking thing you’ve seen on the internet?

Personal politics notwithstanding, it’s a toss up between this site and this site. In terms of all the fucked up, bizzare, vomit inducing images and viral videos out there, they start to lose their punch as we all have that friend who constantly emails all that sick shit all the time. Positively speaking, at least the onslaught builds up a heavy resistance.

Still, after even linking up that scum to my site, I need to cleanse. As such…

and this. The last game I got to see in the Montreal Forum:

Ahh. Now I feel better.

3) Is it possible to have too much free time?

Come on now. If there’s no such thing as a free lunch, how on earth can ANY time be free?

4) Inspired by a recent Dwight Shrute monologue, I ask you: what’s your perfect crime?

There can only be one perfect crime. Taunting those on the growing list of people who have not only pissed me off but have completely betrayed me, to harming me to such a degree that my murder of them can be justified as self defence.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What (animated) fictional town offers a whirlwind existence, race cars, lasers, airplanes, mystery-solving, time travel, and more?

Very simply put, the alternate 1985 New York City in which the former Crimebusters, of Watchmen fame are written to exist. Hell, anything is possible with the existence of Dr. Manhattan.

Interdum vos ut volvo ferrus six.