Watchmen looks at the world through the literary lens of what if. What if America won Vietnam because of a super-human. What if Tricky Dick was elected to many consecutive Presidential terms? What would humanity do on the verge of global thermonuclear war? What if costumed vigilantes were outlawed?
Now, the most pressing concern: what if the Watchmen were really the kids from Peanuts? Inspired by the following artwork I found on the web:
Let’s to back to the forties. Linus van Pelt, operating as a morally corrupt Comedian, rapes his mother, the original Silk Spectre, and fathers his sister Lucy, who becomes the second Silk Spectre. Even back then, incest IS a game the whole family can play.
Fast forward to the sixties. Charlie Brown gets disintegrated accidentally in an experiment. His last words would have been ‘Good Grief’ had his consciousness not survived and become a glowing blue person who has a strong propensity for nudism. Later that decade, Charlie Brown and Linus decimate the Viet-Cong on about a month, as Linus burns many to death with a flamethrower while Charlie Brown grows to several hundred feet tall and blows up enemy soldiers by the thousands. Charlie Brown begins to lose touch with humanity when he lets Linus kill a woman he raped.
Back in America, Schroeder becomes very intelligent and wants to save mankind. Pig Pen starts to think he’s a Night Owl. An Charlie Brown changes Snoopy’s spots to move in a kind of kinetic Rorschach. All just in time to become outlawed.
Charlie Brown and Linus continue as government agents. Charlie Brown also starts sleeping with his best friend’s sister/daughter. This makes Luke and Leia’s kiss in Empire look like nothing.
Snoopy becomes a criminal outlaw who ironically supports the Republicans.
Schroeder sells out his costumed self and makes a fortune marketing the past as there is no further need for classical Beethoven pianists.
Pig Pen becomes a drunk with no purpose. Of course, Linus’ satirical view of the American dream decimates Pig Pen, who refuses to follow Linus into a pumpkin patch to find (and subsequently murder) the Great Pumpkin.
Well, it’s just about over. Burkie finally signed with the worst team in the history of hockey. Full control in the self-perpetuated ‘center of the universe’. After telling a very obvious, bold-faced lie in the press conference stepping down from his post in Anaheim.
None of this is a shock at this point. Hockey fans everywhere saw that Burke was going to Toronto, adding another gong to the already insane gong show that is hockey in the biggest commercial hockey market in Canada. The sad part is when it’s all made official Saturday, it’s not the end.
It will just be the beginning. What a sad day for hockey, getting all that spin doctoring. So much for sports journalism ever being about the game on the ice anymore.
But, with spin doctoring and perception in mind, here’s the latest MCFAT:
1) Is it good or bad when sitcoms feature celebrity guest stars?
When I read this question the first time, the better question jumped in my head. Are there any good sitcoms out there anymore? As many of you already know, I really can’t stand the tripe the major US networks shove down our collective throats on a weekly basis. I guess I should have realized that television sitcoms are going the way of the dodo when I really started to get sick of the Simpsons about six years back.
About the only ’sitcom’ that works for me these days is really Family Guy. Period. Simply put, it is what The Simpsons dares not to be. So how does it stand when celebrity guest stars are on? Well, in the case of James Woods, brilliantly. Sadly, James must learn not to follow a candy trail down an alley and into a simple box trap. Git. As to other guest stars, it does seem that Seth McFarlane uses them with purpose, not JUST for a ratings grab.
The other shit that clutters the airwaves, however, seem to have no real creativity left in their premise or delivery. Celebrity guest stars, as a result, seem to be nothing more than a Paris Hilton-esque attempt to get mindless ratings during sweeps week. Still, based on all this tripe, the lowest common denominator mentality may actually improve the show. If I have some time I may do a comparative analysis at some point.
Maybe.
2) What is the most shocking thing you’ve seen on the internet?
Personal politics notwithstanding, it’s a toss up between this site and this site. In terms of all the fucked up, bizzare, vomit inducing images and viral videos out there, they start to lose their punch as we all have that friend who constantly emails all that sick shit all the time. Positively speaking, at least the onslaught builds up a heavy resistance.
Still, after even linking up that scum to my site, I need to cleanse. As such…
and this. The last game I got to see in the Montreal Forum:
Ahh. Now I feel better.
3) Is it possible to have too much free time?
Come on now. If there’s no such thing as a free lunch, how on earth can ANY time be free?
4) Inspired by a recent Dwight Shrute monologue, I ask you: what’s your perfect crime?
There can only be one perfect crime. Taunting those on the growing list of people who have not only pissed me off but have completely betrayed me, to harming me to such a degree that my murder of them can be justified as self defence.
SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What (animated) fictional town offers a whirlwind existence, race cars, lasers, airplanes, mystery-solving, time travel, and more?
Very simply put, the alternate 1985 New York City in which the former Crimebusters, of Watchmen fame are written to exist. Hell, anything is possible with the existence of Dr. Manhattan.
Wow, amazing how that ‘next day’ really ended up being more like over a week. I know it’s my blahg, and the lot (okay very few) out there are probably wondering if I fell off the face of the earth, probably in applause, but I digress. I really think I should just lobby to have about 12 more hours added to each calendar day.
More or less, this is the feeling I’ve had in the last little while: I have been put on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, that I will never die. (Hat tip Bill Watterson).
Still, thanks to Ben, I may have the opportunity (we’ll see as the post goes on) to say something reasonably worthwhile. MAYBE. But again, we’ll see as the post progresses. As such, Ben has tagged me with a meh-me in which to reveal 7 [more as I've done a lot of these] random facts about myself, then tag others. As such, here we go:
1. The first live music act I saw live was Duran Duran, in 1983, in [sic] Make Me Laugh Gardens in Toronto. That night this was shot:
Yes, as a youngster, Duran Duran was my favourite band (excuse me whilst I run and hide). Even in grades six and seven, when Seven and the Ragged Tiger was big on the charts, I was in a class who favoured a majority of Van Halen, Twisted Sister, Motley Crue and Iron Maiden over ‘New Wave’. This just happens to be yet one more example of how I was persecuted by my peers as a child.
Two years later, in music classes in high school, New Wave took a backseat to The Beatles and Pink Floyd. The Beatles soon led to my lifelong love affair with Liverpool FC, and Pink Floyd opened my mind to all the music that stretched well beyond the mainstream.
Though all these bands hold special places in my heart, none take the place of Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against the Machine, and System of a Down. If CFOX were ever to go to a nothing but Nails, Rage, and SOAD format, I could live without hearing anything else on the radio. Ever.
2. I’m a really bad alumnus film student. I barely watch films in the theatres these days. Dark Knight was the last I saw at the cinema, and it could be the last until the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince and Watchmen before I see another. There are a three factors that are involved with this factum, which can be assessed thusly:
A. I’m trying to save for Dawn and my wedding. We’ve gotta pay for it ourselves (which right sucks ass, considering the cost of things these days). As such, it’s becoming way cheaper to by pre-viewed DVD’s of movies we want to see. And speaking of DVD’s, I’m SOOOOOO seething to get Battlestar Galactica season 4.0. And the webisodes.
B. Item A notwithstanding, there is a lot of shit out in the theatres these days. LOTS. And for Dawn and I to go watch this shit, it’s going to run at least $25 for the pair of us. Ugghhh. No, I don’t want to see a remake of some classic film, recast with Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. Fuck me, how does Paris Hilton get movie roles? She can barely string three words together in one breath, let alone have the three make any logical, progressive sense.
I’m dreading when classics like Casablanca and Citizen Kane finally endure the modern day makeover.
C. Dawn and my tastes in film are fairly different. We can barely agree on anything shy of Harry Potter. Though I’m still convinced she’s a closet Battlestar fan myself.
3. I collect a lot. Really, a lot of junk. Dragons, Bobbleheads, Action Figures, Hockey Cards and Collectibles, and so on, and such. I’ve got three shelves above my desk loaded with it, and I need more storage space.
The only flaw with the current system is that Adina, our little, evil, Russian Blue cat, loves climbing up on it and continually knocks things off. Git.
4. I’m planning on entering the BC Poker Championships next year. Most days now I spend a few hours on Full Tilt Poker.net. Though it does sharpen your skills, not playing for real money can get really frustrating as your opponents become more megalomaniacal (as per Phil Hellmuth) then ever, and I think I need to sit at a few real money games before next November to balance it out.
5. This is nothing new or original for me, but I have absolutely zero tolerance for stupid people. Zero. It does explain why I can’t stand the ‘leadership’ at work precisely, but my real beef these days is this. Around Vancouver, it seems the stupider you are, the more disposable income you get. It’s reverse Darwinism at it’s finest. Survival of the weakest. As such, most of my free time is spent finding ways to use my intelligence to make a business of my vast wealth of knowledge, skill, and abilities as opposed to working for the lobotomized.
6. I really am an insufferable know it all. If he ever gets another blahg, just ask my lifelong buddy Todd. I hate being wrong, hate mistakes, hate correcting other people’s problems just as well as my own. Gah. Imperfection is the one human quality that I just cannot come to grips with, even though I admit there is a reason erasers are put on pencils.
7. I almost always wear a baseball cap. My entire life is one bad hair day. Luckily, at work, a cap is actually part of the uniform, so I’m lucky in the sense that professionally, I’m covered. Though on the rare occasion we go out for something nice, I have to remember if I have some goop of some form for my hair. Though this leads to problem number two. I like the stylishly messy look when we go out, where as the other half likes me looking ’smart’. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t like looking like a Norman Rockwell propaganda painting all that much.
As for tagging people, I don’t have many, but I will tag Dawn , MCF, and Peter.
Dear Gods, I am a bad, lazy, infrequent blogger. I must be getting old. My lack of text is far from a lack of something to say. Rather, if my thought is accurate that Battlestar Galactica is truly an allegory to my life, lately nothing has been more true than this:
Months on the run, and what do we have to show for it? Casualties. Deteriorating conditions. This crew needs a rest. It’s finally hitting them, that’s all. Our old lives are gone. The only thing we have to look forward to is this.
Commander William Adama, Flight of the Phoenix
Months of working too much for too little, with no leads on new jobs. First a back injury, then a three week stint with serious damage to my Achilles tendon. Engine block on the car fried. Need to work more to make payments on the new vehicle. LCD computer monitor goes on the fritz, so Dawn and I can fight over computer time. No end to the monotony in sight. All I have to look forward to is more work just to get by.
Well, last night was another small turn in the road. We have a library of sorts in our building, more like a small alcove in which people drop off and pick up old novels and such. Sometimes, however, other things appear there. Like a Samsung computer monitor.
Needless to say, the monitor issue is a non-issue. It is a CRT, but still, until the financial situation greatly improves, which is in process with the union contract being re-negotiated, along with a potential side business venture I’m undertaking, it will more than do. So long as someone doesn’t smash it up tomorrow (which seems to be my luck these days), we should be all good. Though in all honesty, I can’t imagine causing over $3000 in damage to a cheap computer monitor.
The car, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. Two days after driving off the lot with it, I got rear-ended. See a few posts back. The good is the deductible has been waived. The bad is that I’m worried shitless that some kind of vandalism will befall the loaner the body shop gave me. I really don’t need any more car problems in, oh, about forever.
Our lives have even been graced with elections (one to come in a week, and one early next year still to come, however), which in itself is allegory to the end of Season 2.
They don’t want to hear the truth. They’re tired. Exhausted. The idea of stopping, laying down their burdens and starting a new life right now is what is resonating with the voters.
Tory Foster, Lay Down Your Burdens, Part I
Not so much in Canada. We re-elected the king of personality, Stephen Harper, in an election that spent loads of tax dollars and changed next to nothing in the House of Commons. I guess one positive came out of it was that Stephane Dion stepped down as Liberal leader. I appreciate the honesty approach. When I lived in Onterrible, Dalton McGuinty got elected on a platform of ‘no tax cuts’, giving a ‘real’ plan as opposed to hollow empty promises. That’s one thing. Telling voters well before the election is even called you plan to tax us more is just plain suicide.
Still, it’s now only a matter of time before Justin takes the reigns. Probably one leader removed from another Trudeau Prime Minister dynasty.
Luckily, things are looking up down south. Congrats to Barack Obama for doing two things. First, being the first African-American voted in as President, but more importantly, having an ELECTION THAT ONLY LASTED ONE DAY. Actually, to think of it, most elections I can think of from down south really offered a result in only one day. Except two. Both elected that Dubya character. I can’t imagine that it’s only down to ballot counters having the same mathematical and academic capacity as the current puppet President. Co-incidence?
Say what you will about economic policy. I think this election might actually be a sign that the US is joining the rest of us in the 21ST century, being able to rise from the past, go against the grain, and select a man who not even 50 years ago, wouldn’t have even been fathomed as the leader of the free world.
Yeah, I said it. Many in the world look to America as a beacon of hope. And Tuesday, this beacon of hope may have been re-lit. Through fiscal policy, budget, deficit, debt, and the like, we can easily lose sight of the social conscience that government must wield. We live in a much smaller world, thanks to many ingenious things such as the interweb. Different cultures, different gender orientations, different faiths are increasingly at ends, must either learn to co-exist or they will end up destroying one another.
I can only hope the election of Obama will forward the cause of co-existence.
It could be worse. We could have had five successive terms of Richard Nixon. Though for that to have happened, I think we might have needed an omnipotent blue dude with a diagram of a hydrogen atom on his forehead.
I’m really looking forward to the Watchmen film. I’ve only read the graphic novel a handful of times, as I’ve (until very recently) had to borrow it from friends, never finding a copy of my own. Until now.
I just hope that trailer isn’t the only thing to tide me over until the second half of season 4. Well aside from hockey. Tonight’s score: Winnipeg Jets 0, Kevin ‘Boom Boom’ Bieksa 1.
It’s only been the last week I’ve began to seethe to see the upcoming Watchmen film. Until recently, it’s been kinda tough to get into a superhero film (short of The Dark Knight), what with all the characters coming out of the woodwork.
Still, a meh-me to celebrate the occasion:
Your result for The Watchmen Personality Type Test…
Doc Manhattan
You believe in deterministim and are generally emotionally detached.
You rarely consider the moral implications of others’ behaviour and your attitude toward the world is purely practical. You see everything as being inevitable and often require others to force you into acting.
While this serves to make you enigmatic, people will find it hard to care for you in the long run, frustrated by your clinical outlook.
I’ve been an even worse blogger than Peter these days. How does one start? If I listen to the sounds in my head, it all starts (and ends) with Watchmen. This being the song in my head going over and over right now:
So how do I write this story? To all but blatantly rip off Watchmen at this point, start with a sad story, and everything else will follow through. And to NOT rip off Watchmen entirely, we’ll start two months back. An empty pallet (and one of those right ugly heavy ones) fell on my Achilles tendon (to which I think I’ve already documented), and kept me on the shelf for three weeks. So aside from the sheer irony of watching Troy again and again, more irony was to ensue.
Being in a capacity of limited mobility, the car was essential for the commute. Luckily, work offered modified duties so that I would have minimal issues trying to extract money from WCB. Good until day four. After overhauling all the cooling system, my timing chain decided to snap and cause a backfire that seized the engine. This I know in hindsight. However, for the next near five or six weeks, most nights had been spent trying to fix every possible cause of the engine not working. Fuel filter. Fuel pump. Cleaning out the fuel lines. New spark plugs. New wires. And so on, and so on, and, well, you get the point. Loads of work, effort, pain, and money, but no result. Two weeks back I broke down and went to my mechanic.
He was the one who broke the bad news. Fuckity. Another catch 22. Need a car for the commute to get to work, can’t afford the car, so the commute sucks, and physically wears me down from progressing in the direction I need to go professionally and personally. So, I’ve bitten the bullet, re-worked the budget and got a car.
Did originally get a 2009 Kia Rio 5, and drove it for two days. Once the dealership settled the financing, I was approved for $500 per month over six years, not $230 over five. Fuck. Gotta look some more. I ended up with a 2004 Kia Rio DX-V, which in all honesty drives just as nicely. It needs a bit of body work, and the dealer is going to fix some for me. I can live with tidying up a few paint scratches. Hell, I might put a darker stripe on the bottom third.
Or I might just pimp it up like a Viper Mark VII. Dawn would hate me for that. Oh well.
Not quite the car I wanted, but I can live with it. Still has 1 year left on the warranty as well.
And then Friday night happened. Now that we have the car, Dawn and I decided to change it up a bit for dinner. And en route, WHAM! I was rear ended at a traffic light. Luckily, ICBC will cover the lot, as I wasn’t at fault, but fuck me, when will this all stop? It’s like there’s a rain cloud constantly over my head. But thus is life, I do live in Vancouver, and it is monsoon season.
Maybe I need more jaunts to Hastings and Main. Then all the prostitutes, drug dealers, users, thieves, and the like can look up from their filth to me and shout ‘Save Us’.
